watching someone succumb to the siren's song!
mergirl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
watching someone succumb to the siren's song!
I have 4 friends/loved ones (other than SR people) who decided to get sober after I did.
One says he is doing a 3 month experiment. He believes if he can stay sober 3 months it will prove that he is in control and he can go back to drinking 2 per night. He quit the day after slapping his gf while drunk, he also has a recent dui. He thinks about the 3 month mark all the time.
The second made it 6 months just as "support" for me, although he said neither he or I had a problem with alcohol. Last weekend he was upset, so he went and got beer and cigs and last night had a case to himself.
The third friend was vomiting blood daily before he quit. When he quit, he got a sponsor and did meetings everyday, he was so happy to have rekindled his relationship to his HP. about 3 months after quitting, his oldest step son died. He told me he believed God had put him on the path to sobriety so that he could be of assistance to his wife and grand children in this horrible time. He has since decided life is much easier with a couple of shots in his belly.
The 4th is my mom. She quit drinking because she is in failing health (at 64, she is "too old" to babysit her grand son, or do most anything outside the home). She lasted a couple of days. My sister and I are facing the fact that she will probably not be around much longer.
I would venture to say that almost everyone here has heard the voice tell them that they are not an alcoholic. They can drink just a couple. One more hurrah won't hurt anyone. a month, 6 months, a year it is ok to go back to "social" drinking.
I learn just as much from people on these boards who are still in a daily fight with their alcoholic voices as I do from the folks who have beaten it into silence.
I appreciate the passion and persistence of the people who have found sobriety and are determined to try and help others find the way.
I appreciate the people who are still struggling, and come to share their struggles on these boards with all of us. I learn from every post.
Today I am grateful we are all here together, and I am grateful last night I did not drink.
Today I will not drink, and I hope for others the same.
One says he is doing a 3 month experiment. He believes if he can stay sober 3 months it will prove that he is in control and he can go back to drinking 2 per night. He quit the day after slapping his gf while drunk, he also has a recent dui. He thinks about the 3 month mark all the time.
The second made it 6 months just as "support" for me, although he said neither he or I had a problem with alcohol. Last weekend he was upset, so he went and got beer and cigs and last night had a case to himself.
The third friend was vomiting blood daily before he quit. When he quit, he got a sponsor and did meetings everyday, he was so happy to have rekindled his relationship to his HP. about 3 months after quitting, his oldest step son died. He told me he believed God had put him on the path to sobriety so that he could be of assistance to his wife and grand children in this horrible time. He has since decided life is much easier with a couple of shots in his belly.
The 4th is my mom. She quit drinking because she is in failing health (at 64, she is "too old" to babysit her grand son, or do most anything outside the home). She lasted a couple of days. My sister and I are facing the fact that she will probably not be around much longer.
I would venture to say that almost everyone here has heard the voice tell them that they are not an alcoholic. They can drink just a couple. One more hurrah won't hurt anyone. a month, 6 months, a year it is ok to go back to "social" drinking.
I learn just as much from people on these boards who are still in a daily fight with their alcoholic voices as I do from the folks who have beaten it into silence.
I appreciate the passion and persistence of the people who have found sobriety and are determined to try and help others find the way.
I appreciate the people who are still struggling, and come to share their struggles on these boards with all of us. I learn from every post.
Today I am grateful we are all here together, and I am grateful last night I did not drink.
Today I will not drink, and I hope for others the same.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Gypsy Feet,
I was just talking about this the other day with my after treatment group that meets weekly. We look around us and we are few. There are so many that started the journey with us and who have just disappeared. They didn't say good bye. They didn't tell us they'd thought it over and decided to start drinking. Most didn't give any signs. A few did. One came to our meeting drunk. Others, you could tell, were all squirrly and anxious or dealing with really hard things in their lives.
We feel their absence so strongly. I feel a kind of remorse, as if I failed them. When I know it has nothing to do with me. This addiction is a powerful demon, in my mind.
At the same time, I feel determined. So determined. Not to be one of them. I will stay sober for me. For today. I know that's how you're supposed to think. But to tell you the truth, I will stay sober for them too. Forever.
- mle
I was just talking about this the other day with my after treatment group that meets weekly. We look around us and we are few. There are so many that started the journey with us and who have just disappeared. They didn't say good bye. They didn't tell us they'd thought it over and decided to start drinking. Most didn't give any signs. A few did. One came to our meeting drunk. Others, you could tell, were all squirrly and anxious or dealing with really hard things in their lives.
We feel their absence so strongly. I feel a kind of remorse, as if I failed them. When I know it has nothing to do with me. This addiction is a powerful demon, in my mind.
At the same time, I feel determined. So determined. Not to be one of them. I will stay sober for me. For today. I know that's how you're supposed to think. But to tell you the truth, I will stay sober for them too. Forever.
- mle
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I'm sorry to say I'm one of these people. I want to do anything to quiet the voices in my head. Whatever it takes to be able to sleep all day, that's what I'll do. I'm sorry to be a disappointment and a failure. I just don't want to hear those voices anymore. I'm sorry. Anything to shut up those voices of failure and disappointment. I've heard them all my life and I just want peace and quiet... whatever it takes...
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
People generally go back to drinking for one or more 'reasons'...
* Negative emotions... sadness, anger, etc.
* Social pressure... being around alcohol, peer pressure to drink.
* Interpersonal conflict... fight/argument with friend/lover.
* Positive emotions... celebration.
* Test personal control... needs no explanation.
Please be aware of these 'groupings', know what to look out for, know what to avoid.
* Negative emotions... sadness, anger, etc.
* Social pressure... being around alcohol, peer pressure to drink.
* Interpersonal conflict... fight/argument with friend/lover.
* Positive emotions... celebration.
* Test personal control... needs no explanation.
Please be aware of these 'groupings', know what to look out for, know what to avoid.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
It's always good for me to be reminded of the seriousness of alcoholism. Participating on this site, it's easy to think that most alcoholics seek recovery and eventually recover. Sadly, for every one of us here, many more are dying an alcoholic death.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Nice post Gypsy 
it can be hard to listen to the stories of struggle that people who are still drinking are going through (or thinking/planning on ways how they can still drink/moderate).
I also learn from them as they continue to go down that path & I am thankful that I am able to accept that I cannot drink & don't have illusions of moderating my drinking.
We have to be very careful with our thoughts when reading/dealing with newcomers that come here with all of the self rationalization & "I think I can still drink" talk. We have all done it at one time or another & its an easy trap to fall into (some never get back up).
I am blessed to have this gift of sobriety right now.
Take Care,
NB
it can be hard to listen to the stories of struggle that people who are still drinking are going through (or thinking/planning on ways how they can still drink/moderate).I also learn from them as they continue to go down that path & I am thankful that I am able to accept that I cannot drink & don't have illusions of moderating my drinking.
We have to be very careful with our thoughts when reading/dealing with newcomers that come here with all of the self rationalization & "I think I can still drink" talk. We have all done it at one time or another & its an easy trap to fall into (some never get back up).
I am blessed to have this gift of sobriety right now.
Take Care,
NB
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: fl
Posts: 246
Gypsy this was a great post & a big help for me I'm 8 days sober & tonight I'm at a birthday party fmaily thing, I know they will be saying have a drink !! I will just remember that I am not capable of havign 1 or 2 drinks
again thank you to you & everyone on these boards I could not have made it through these past 8 days with out reading the posts to get me through the days
again thank you to you & everyone on these boards I could not have made it through these past 8 days with out reading the posts to get me through the days
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
I'm not judging anyone and I mean no offense to anyone, but I just don't understand relapse and I hope I never do. I only went to AA about a dozen times but the first step I accepted, really accepted, before I even went to my first meeting. Just admitting that I was 'alcoholic' that once I start drinking I have no control, was what it took for me to stop (course I only did that after nearly succeeding at killing myself), and unless I were to become suicidal now I can't imagine any reason why I would ever pick up another drink. Maybe I'm fortunate that the negative aspects of drinking; blackouts/hangovers/being out of control/acting like an idiot/doing shameful things/etc far far far outweigh any pleasure I may have ever gotten that I don't want to ever drink again. Since I got sober I've dealt with death, being reunited with the person, my father, who molested me as a child and having him live with me for 3 months, the near collapse of my daughters marriage, and through out all that and more I was so thankful that I was sober--drunk I wouldn't have handled any of it well.
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