FightingIrish

I hear a lot of people say that Step One "is the only step we have to do perfectly." While I tend to take what I need and leave the rest when it comes to slogans, this is one I hear a lot. And although I feel like I have had a meaningful Step One experience, I'm not sure I know what this slogan means or can relate to it. I don't feel like Step One is a static arrival point, a box to be checked off.

The Big Book says, "we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics." This also seems to me to imply a state of completion with this step.

I'm wondering how other people experience this step? How do you know if you have fully conceded? Generally my approach is not to overthink it, to the point where I allow that it is possible that I may someday drink again. Today I do not want to drink, nor have I wanted to for the past 680 days. But I see the strange mental twists come and go, and they do not surprise me when they come. I also do not act upon them...why, I don't know...I just don't, and I don't worry about them when they do come.

It feels more like a letting go than anything in particular that I do. I certainly don't remind myself of how bad it was.

Curious what other people experience?

Mark75

FI -

I can only offer my experience. There are days when the first step swirls round my head all day and I can't wait for sleep. Thankfully less so the last few months.

I know what you mean about the letting go thing... rather than dive head first into a first step all over again... when those mental twists come round... it's easier to just let it go... I 'm not drinking today and I'm not missing anything... big deal.

Thanx for sharing that.

Mark

johnmc

Hi all, before I could contemplate taking step 1 or taking a new guy through step 1 I like to look at the first step in recovery. I learned that I had to concede to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic……hmmmm….so what makes me an alcoholic??

Well certainly I can not take a drink without developing the craving and when I try to stop I can not but that is a symptom of me being an alcoholic.

So what is different about me to the normal drinker….well my misses takes a drink and everything about her stays pretty much the same, the people she likes, she still likes, the people she dislikes , she still pretty much dislikes them…..not with me!!!!

When she takes a drink the world stays as it is, her emotions are affected mildly but she remains the same person, pretty much any way….not me!!!

When I take a drink the world and its people change, I undergo an imaginary spiritual experience and experience the step 9 promises….. I take out a bottle of whisket and am amazed before I am half way through…..

I begin to think I am experiencing a new freedom and happiness…. I no longer regret the past and certainly do not shut the door on it…. I dwell in it….

I seem to understand what serenity is and feel at peace…..

No matter how far down the scale I have gone I allow other people the benefit of my vast experience, whether you want it or not…

I no longer feel useless or have self pity…. I pity you and how useless you are…

I lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in my fellows….normally the married ones and always beautiful at the time….

Self seeking just slips away….my whole attitude and outlook upon life instantly changes and I am no longer afraid of you, your four mates and the doorman.

Economic security leaves me and I live in the day…..have a drink on me…I may be dead tomorrow….

I intuitively just know what to do and how to do it…..

I realize yet again that alcohol is doing for me what I can not do for myself…..

Then I wake up….can not remember where I parked my car…how I got here…where the blood has come from and who the person led next to me is but we are both asleep in a jail cell.

I wake up afraid and lonely….but that’s ok because soon I will be able to change my perception of the entire world by drinking yet again until then I remain stuck in reality
Restless, irratablee and discontented……

This complete change of reality does not happen to my misses as she is not an alcoholic but it does happen to me as I am.

As soon as I conceded to this fact I could look at why I could not stop drinking for good, the reason I drink so much is simple, I develop an allergic reaction to alcohol when I take a drink that triggers a craving for more and more. The reason I can not quit for good is that life stinks and I want to escape all the time.

I wanted to stop but did not have the power, I was powerless over alcohol, I had lost the power to choose if I would drink or not…..

I did not have sufficient power to give myself a mental defence against the first drink.

That power I later found to be a power greater than myself called God, why God? The word fits…. Hence I was powerless over alcohol or Godless over alcohol.

I sought him through the steps and am no longer powerless over alcohol, I am happy , joyous and free and have so much power over alcohol today I give it away to suffering alcoholics my explaining to them what an alcoholic is so they can learn and concede to their inner most selfs they are alcoholic too, their first step in recovery then we look at step 1.

First time on here , is that the sort of thing we write????

May your God go with you, who ever he is and where ever you go

Mark75

Yep...

Nice to have you here john, welcome!

Mark

Found

We had (at that point) to fully concede

I dare say they had to carry on ensuring the conceding stayed full enough.

After several returns to drinking I do. I'm so glad to remember what it did to me.

Keeping step 1 new - why should it be a 'performance'?

Ever known anybody who 'un-conceded' anything?

myselfsober

I dunno I thought that I had fully conceeded when I went to rehab only to find myself drunk 3 months later .....I think that by reaching out to my higher power everyday and getting on my knees to remind me to be humble I fully conceed to step 1 each and every day.

ExistenceGypsy

I hear this presented to new comers and those just coming back perhaps a little too often. I say "too often" because in my experience, it was a very frustrating statement to hear after coming back from a relapse as there is really nothing a person can do to make themselves concede. Furthermore, telling someone they needed to concede is just another little subtle way of saying "I'm better than you" or "I have something you don't have".
In my experience, conceding to my inner most self happened the first time I was sober. Here is what happened:
1. I relapsed as a result of sitting on the fence about recovery or not.
2. The resulting experience affected me deeply and I then fully decided I wanted what sobriety had to offer.
3. I worked my butt off, day in and day out, working and living the program to the best of my ability.
4. Life got good. I felt good about myself.
5. Then the bottom fell out and everything in my world went to hell despite working so hard at living right.
6. I got very angry - angry at my Higher Power because this way of life was so hard.
7. I sat on the fence again. Deep struggle, deep turmoil.
8. Then, walking down the street one day I just gave in. I surrendered. I handed my life over to my higher power and accepted all the challenges I was faced with.
In that SURRENDER experience, I came to know many things at a very deep level. I came to know that I was a worthwhile human being, (and so was every body else). I also came to know, at the deepest level possible, that I was an alcoholic. That is when I fully conceded.
Perhaps it is different for others (I suspect it is, none of us walk the very same path) but I wish people would think twice about telling new comers that they "have to concede........" because you end up telling them something they can't possibly do.
What I think is more useful is encouraging people to keep going, keep turning to their higher power, no matter how bleak and difficult things may appear.

(By the way, after I surrendered, almost like magic, all that was wrong in my outer world was righted, with almost no effort on my part).

Let go absolutely, no matter how hard it gets!

sugarbear1

I appreciate your post ExistenceGypsy, but that higher power thing was one thing that I didn't believe in for way too long.

A sober journey is personal, and somehow, we each find the way to surrender.

I was able to concede, but I didn't fully surrender.

con·cede/kənˈsēd/
Verb: Admit that something is true or valid after first denying or resisting it.

Definition of SURRENDER

transitive verb: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand

An old post, but still relevant.

ExistenceGypsy

Thank you for your post SugarBear. I have a couple more questions as I am hoping to learn something. Communication can be difficult because it is sometimes hard to put experiences into words and sometimes words have different meanings with different people.
I hear what you are saying about the God thing and yes this can be a touchy subject (which is why I prefer to use the idea of a Higher Power in meetings) but I am wondering if we are talking about the same thing.
Your definition of concede is correct, however the idea that we need to concede "to our inner most self" to me, speaks of something more profound, ie. a major shift in consciousness.
What you have written reminds me of when I came to believe that I was an alcoholic. That was a different and yes much earlier experience than when I actually came to accept it (and to me, when I accepted is when I fully conceded, or, came to know, rather than simply believe).
Maybe we are talking about the same things and maybe not. Perhaps you or someone else has more to offer.
My big struggle is with the usefulness (or lack there of) of telling a new person or someone coming back that they "need to concede to their inner most self" that they are alcoholic as it does not provide them with any affirmative actions they can take. Perhaps telling them they need to continue to surrender to the program NO MATTER WHAT would be more useful as that is truly what appears to me, to lead to complete surrender.
Again, perhaps I am way off. My hope is to learn something. Thank you to anyone who has an interest.

sugarbear1

I agree. When I finally heard I needed to "surrender" is when I was finally just done.

Conceding to our inner most self, I think, is more of a process. I dunno. I tend to simplify things too much.

At 1 year, I am still so new.

Peace,

tomsteve

only an alcoholic can take something as simple as the program of AA and turn it into a problem requiring quantum mechanics to solve.

it's this simple:
concede=Admit that something is true or valid after first denying or resisting it.

i dont like the slogan. dont matter how perfect i do it. if i dont work the other 11 steps, i'll prove step 1 right.

sugErspun

Personally I feel that Step 1 doesn't need to be proven right or wrong. It's really a matter of
"Do I have this thing [alcoholism] which is described in the book?"

This thing I cannot control or manage. This thing I cannot fix, though at my best moments truly believe [delusional in retrospect] there is SOMETHING I can do which will make it different. OR- that somehow the times I was able to manage/control are proof enough that it's just a matter of exerting enough effort, living in the right environment, more money, better friends etc etc - will assist in conquering this problem I have.

Step 1 felt like a death sentence the first time I really experienced it.

I can't stop drinking when I start and it has negative consequences.
I can't stop myself from starting.

I will drink again and there's nothing I can do about it.

That is how step 1 fits in my head based on my direct experience with it in my life. It's not pleasant and serves to propel me onto the next step.


Perhaps the question is more " Is this an intellectual step, or a step that one must experience directly? "

I lean toward the latter.

~a

akfromwa

Conceding to myself was a process of I guess you could say jay walking, like in the book right?

My sponsor asked if I was alcoholic. I told him I didn't know.

2 Weeks later... 6 different very heavy drinking sprees. One of these ended in a work trip gone very badly. The obsession had me in it's grips and I started to see that couldn't use alcohol safely anymore. And the first drink was the start of more insanity.

Conceding=knowing and admitting I can't use it anymore