Has anyone here ever asked a question in the "alcoholics" forum?
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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Has anyone here ever asked a question in the "alcoholics" forum?
Or are they the forum that shall not be named? I'm fairly new here so I don't know all of the history behind this board. You would think, with all of our questions (and you know we have no shortage of those) they would be the perfect people to ask? So why don't we?
Every once in a while I'll see an active alcoholic in here in duress over her or her husband/wife or a codie in the alcoholics forum in duress over his or her husband/wife but not that often.
Sometimes I'm tempted to post over there but them I feel like maybe they have bigger fish to fry than giving me advice about my ex. Then other times I feel like this is a discussion board, right?
Do they hate us? Do we hate them?
Every once in a while I'll see an active alcoholic in here in duress over her or her husband/wife or a codie in the alcoholics forum in duress over his or her husband/wife but not that often.
Sometimes I'm tempted to post over there but them I feel like maybe they have bigger fish to fry than giving me advice about my ex. Then other times I feel like this is a discussion board, right?
Do they hate us? Do we hate them?
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: italy
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dear crazy4him, i totally agree with you. but i don't know if we can write on their forum.
i have zillion of questions on my mind about my ah. if we can ask questions then it would help us to understand them better. i'm sure they hate us when we focus on them or give them all the fault. i hate my ah sometimes but deep in my heart i love him and i am trying my best to understand him and help him. so lets make it.
i have zillion of questions on my mind about my ah. if we can ask questions then it would help us to understand them better. i'm sure they hate us when we focus on them or give them all the fault. i hate my ah sometimes but deep in my heart i love him and i am trying my best to understand him and help him. so lets make it.
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When I first started posting here I didn't want to bother anyone in their forum so I tried to search their forum to see if any of them had made posts about their families or romantic relationships so I could just get some perspective. I was really interested to hear their point of view. Unfortunately I only found one post by a guy who was torn up about some drunken tirade he'd gone on with his girlfriend the night before which was helpful to me, but not exactly what I was looking for either.
While I was searching I was like, these are all alcoholics/recovering alcoholics I know that there are at least ten people behind each poster who have gone through some trial with each one of them. So why don't they post about it. It made me wonder if they really don't realize that they are hurting people in their lives. If it was something they were even capable of giving much thought while trying to stay sober?
That's what stopped me from making a post in there. I figure if they wanted to talk about why alcoholics hurt people in their lives, they would already be talking about the people in their own lives.
While I was searching I was like, these are all alcoholics/recovering alcoholics I know that there are at least ten people behind each poster who have gone through some trial with each one of them. So why don't they post about it. It made me wonder if they really don't realize that they are hurting people in their lives. If it was something they were even capable of giving much thought while trying to stay sober?
That's what stopped me from making a post in there. I figure if they wanted to talk about why alcoholics hurt people in their lives, they would already be talking about the people in their own lives.
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I also found this post my MixFixIt from '08 by pure dumb luck. I'm thankful that she had the balls to go in there and ask because the recovering alchies in that forum had some great answers and insight!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lcoholism.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lcoholism.html
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
I've posted a little over there, but I always feel like I have to preface what I say with "I'm a normie, I'm just eavesdropping" - lol
A friend of mine who's in AA was saying that he went to an al-anon meeting once and got just, pummeled with anger. I felt kind of bad for him-now that I know much more abotu alcoholism and addiction, I'm not angry at my axbf. And I've been to 1 or 2 al-anon meetings, and there is a lot of anger.
I think people forget, they have a choice to stay in these relationships, and it's not about blame. Who can we blame for this? If we really drill down, we should blame our society, for making alcoholism so acceptable. Or how about the companies that make alcohol? Busch, Budweiser, etc.
Let's get real here. Anger and blame doesn't help our situation or the alcoholic's, at all.
I don't think they hate us, nor should we hate them. I have no problem posting over there-I think it might be good for some of them to get the codie's perspective
A friend of mine who's in AA was saying that he went to an al-anon meeting once and got just, pummeled with anger. I felt kind of bad for him-now that I know much more abotu alcoholism and addiction, I'm not angry at my axbf. And I've been to 1 or 2 al-anon meetings, and there is a lot of anger.
I think people forget, they have a choice to stay in these relationships, and it's not about blame. Who can we blame for this? If we really drill down, we should blame our society, for making alcoholism so acceptable. Or how about the companies that make alcohol? Busch, Budweiser, etc.
Let's get real here. Anger and blame doesn't help our situation or the alcoholic's, at all.
I don't think they hate us, nor should we hate them. I have no problem posting over there-I think it might be good for some of them to get the codie's perspective
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Join Date: May 2008
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Oh, and btw, I dated a recovering alcoholic for a year, and I used to go to AA meetings with him to be supportive. The people i met in those meetings were simply wonderful to me.
They were totally open and honest to any questions I had. Very helpful...very understanding.
They were totally open and honest to any questions I had. Very helpful...very understanding.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
What an enlightening thread on the Alcoholics board. Thanks for posting! Did you see what one of the people replying said...
"We don't have relationships; we take hostages."
I think that is too true. An alcoholic is just not capable of a real, giving, loving relationship until he/she gets sober. We should all take note of that.
"We don't have relationships; we take hostages."
I think that is too true. An alcoholic is just not capable of a real, giving, loving relationship until he/she gets sober. We should all take note of that.
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Join Date: May 2008
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It's hard not to think about that, huh? The pain of imagining them with someone new after us. But then I think, I know what the next woman is in for. And it ain't gonna be easy. The only way I'd be envious is if he somehow managed to get his life together for this other woman when he couldn't do it for me.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Hi,
I have asked a couple of questions over there, but preface the post with something about how I was involved with an active A and have questions about behavior.
The questions I asked early on beacuse I wanted to know what was going on in his mind when doing certain things. Of course only he knows that, but they answered what they experienced when doing similar things and why exactly they did them. Many answered guilt, shame and denial.
I have asked a couple of questions over there, but preface the post with something about how I was involved with an active A and have questions about behavior.
The questions I asked early on beacuse I wanted to know what was going on in his mind when doing certain things. Of course only he knows that, but they answered what they experienced when doing similar things and why exactly they did them. Many answered guilt, shame and denial.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Hello, folks. Alcohol problem here. 
Why not go over there and post and ask questions? As far as I know all memebers are free to read and post in any of the sections here.
I know I wouldn't mind.
Why not go over there and post and ask questions? As far as I know all memebers are free to read and post in any of the sections here.
I know I wouldn't mind.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Australia
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I have found the best way to understand my AH is to focus on myself because being co-dependent, I am the flipside of his behaviour. My questions were:
How can he not realise he is an alcoholic? Well he##, how is it that I never realised for years?
Doesn't he know he is hurting me with all his harsh comments? Didn't I ever realise that my comments were just as mean but in my mind I thought they were justified?
Does he know what he is doing to the kids? Like my martyrdom and bitterness was such healthy role modelling.
How can he not realise he is an alcoholic? Well he##, how is it that I never realised for years?
Doesn't he know he is hurting me with all his harsh comments? Didn't I ever realise that my comments were just as mean but in my mind I thought they were justified?
Does he know what he is doing to the kids? Like my martyrdom and bitterness was such healthy role modelling.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
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You can ask questions about alcoholism here. We have members posting here that are recovering addicts. I'm one of them.
Hi, I'm known as Pelican here at SR and I'm a recovering alcoholic!
In the past, I have seen friends and family members of alcoholics that have posted questions under the alcoholism forums escorted over to the friends and family forum and encouraged to post questions here. The recovering (sometimes still active) alcoholics are using their forum space to focus on their situations. They need to be able to share openly and honestly without judgement by someone who may have been hurt by another alcoholic.
Same thing here at F&F. If an acoholic came here wanting to know why we were always trying to control them and why couldn't we just leave them alone, the moderators would escort them back to the alcoholism pages. Individuals recovering from living with the side effects of active alcoholism need a space to express their hurts without being manipulated or belittled.
Feel free to read the entire site (except the gender specific forums). If you want information on alcoholism and how it effects the entire mind, body and soul of the alcoholic; this link is helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Or ask your questions here, and we can try to answer them.
Hi, I'm known as Pelican here at SR and I'm a recovering alcoholic!
In the past, I have seen friends and family members of alcoholics that have posted questions under the alcoholism forums escorted over to the friends and family forum and encouraged to post questions here. The recovering (sometimes still active) alcoholics are using their forum space to focus on their situations. They need to be able to share openly and honestly without judgement by someone who may have been hurt by another alcoholic.
Same thing here at F&F. If an acoholic came here wanting to know why we were always trying to control them and why couldn't we just leave them alone, the moderators would escort them back to the alcoholism pages. Individuals recovering from living with the side effects of active alcoholism need a space to express their hurts without being manipulated or belittled.
Feel free to read the entire site (except the gender specific forums). If you want information on alcoholism and how it effects the entire mind, body and soul of the alcoholic; this link is helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Or ask your questions here, and we can try to answer them.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
I too am both an ex-drunk, and the wife of an ex-drunk (Not to mention the daughter of alcoholic parents). I will be happy to try and answer questions. That being said, I am not sure if it is just alcoholics, or everyone, but sometimes when you are hurting and your life is screwy it is hard to see your own faults and much easier to see what your partner is doing wrong.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Gypsy Feet has a point about deflecting blame. Although, I don't think everyone does it. My healthy and stable friends never insult others or blame others for their mistakes. It is something I strive to mimic, but fail miserably at times.
I don't think only A's deflect blame, but I do see it as MANY A's do this while in denial. Codies do it too when in denial IMHO.
I don't think only A's deflect blame, but I do see it as MANY A's do this while in denial. Codies do it too when in denial IMHO.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Well I would say, if you are respectful you can post there or anywhere .. (besides the gender-specific ones)...
One thing is to take it out on them, the other one saying "I was hurt because an alcoholic did this and was wondering what is your perspective on this from the other side of the fence"
I've been to AA meetings too and they have been really great to me, recovery is recovery, from ANY addiction, and just as we start to gain compassion towards "them" , if they are working the steps they have also noticed their impact on others........
Respect is the key
One thing is to take it out on them, the other one saying "I was hurt because an alcoholic did this and was wondering what is your perspective on this from the other side of the fence"
I've been to AA meetings too and they have been really great to me, recovery is recovery, from ANY addiction, and just as we start to gain compassion towards "them" , if they are working the steps they have also noticed their impact on others........
Respect is the key
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Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 
Well I would say, if you are respectful you can post there or anywhere .. (besides the gender-specific ones)...
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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If you're respectful, you're always welcome anywhere on these boards.(except the men's board of course...)
Know that the alcoholism and addiction forums are primarily for people who are working to get and stay sober. It's hard work, and I tread very respectfully there. We have had members from Friends and Family go there and blast them, along the lines of "what's wrong with you people!"
That, of course, is right out, but I'm sure you knew that
But I also agree that you may get the best answers right here, where you have members who understand both alcoholism and codependency firsthand, like Pelican, Laurie, Ago, Freedom, and others.
Know that the alcoholism and addiction forums are primarily for people who are working to get and stay sober. It's hard work, and I tread very respectfully there. We have had members from Friends and Family go there and blast them, along the lines of "what's wrong with you people!"
That, of course, is right out, but I'm sure you knew that
But I also agree that you may get the best answers right here, where you have members who understand both alcoholism and codependency firsthand, like Pelican, Laurie, Ago, Freedom, and others.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
I'll just chime in here if I may. I post a fair amount on the various alcohol related forums because that's what I know. That's where I can be useful. I eavesdrop a bit here because the perspective and viewpoints of friends and family is oftentimes good for me to hear. I don't feel very compelled to post on this forum, because I don't think I have much of use to offer.
Speaking only for myself, any questions or comments would be welcomed on those forums. I'd guess that oftentimes another alkie has a different insight to some of those questions. It's real hard for an alcoholic to BS another recovered alcoholic. We can usually spot that crap.
Speaking only for myself, any questions or comments would be welcomed on those forums. I'd guess that oftentimes another alkie has a different insight to some of those questions. It's real hard for an alcoholic to BS another recovered alcoholic. We can usually spot that crap.
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