AnAlwaysFriend

Well, my AH called this afternoon. I didn't have to fix his check register because he stopped by the bank and the nice people at the bank helped him out. This I was relieved about becasue I was not the one making the whole situation better. He called the first time to tell me this and the second time to ask me to bring him something to eat. Seems he has no money and now that he can't get his fix he actually needs food.

The thing is I am the nurture and I can't stand the idea of him not having anything to eat, so my decision to NOT bring him anything is easier said than done. I am writing this -holding my breathe -as I pray that I will not let go of what I beleive. The thing is he knows my weaknesses and he knows what buttons to push. So, while I held my tongue when I spoke to him and listened as he told me I was throwing him away like he was trash, I did not flinch and I didn't tell him anything I really wanted to because I would have lost it. But now, almost an hour later, I am flubbering. Does this get easier? How do others handle situations like this?

Freedom1990

I remember several times in my life when it was just easier to give in and enable than to muster up the strength to say no.

If I did manage to say no, the discomfort of doing something different would overwhelm me, and I'd give in again.

As with all things, practice, practice, practice! It does get easier, but I need to remain consistent.

The discomfort of doing something different will not kill me. Codependency darned near did.

:ghug :ghug

ItsmeAlice

Keep reminding yourself that going against codependency is:

Uncomfortable.
Unsettleing.
Panic inducing.
Seemingly impossible.

And yet...

Entirely, unequivocably necessary for your health!

Shut off the phone, stay busy, reach out and do something helpful or kind for someone (not him) to ease that urge to be selfless. Get through this one and the next one will be easier, and so on and so on.

I agree - it gets better with practice.

Alice

Still Waters

The local Salvation Army has a great program that includes food

AnAlwaysFriend

You are all very right. He is just trying to manipulate me and I know it. It did pass and my phone stopped ringing after he left a grueling message on my phone about how horrible me and the kids where because he would never leave us to starve. . .yeah, right!

Thank you all, I did it. So, hopefully the next time will be easier.

Suspicious

Good for you!

whereami

Anvilhead~OK quick question...you said watch what happens when you say NO to an addict...is that why they throw huge tantrums, threaten, go crazy and blame? That seems to be what happens when I ignore my ex. So true intentions come through when they are throwing the tantrum? I didn't read it like that, I am glad you said that....I always felt that was the time I would doubt my judgement b/c maybe I was in the wrong. It makes sense...the whole diversion guilt thing.