Suspicious

I am 3/4 thru my book and I have a question. I see A LOT of codie behavior on my part in past relationships with people who had alcohol or substance issues. I also see that I had codie tendencies with AH from the beginning of our relationship BUT he did not have any alcohol or drug problems when we met. He averaged (& still does) drinking 2-3 times a year and never overdoes it. The ONLY thing that I can think of that might have been an addictive problem was he might have been a bit of a workaholic. I cant even be sure of that tho cuz when I noticed that as a problem about 4 yrs ago it could have been pills then that caused him to work & work & work.

My question is: If a codie hooks up with someone who doesnt have or get some kind of addiction or dishes out some kind of abuse to us is the relationship doomed anyway? It is just that in the book it seems that ANY & ALL codie relationships are doomed BECAUSE codependence is just as progressive a disease as addiction.

Example, when I met AH I heard all about how his ex 'neglected' him and how bad their marriage was, not abusive just not happy. I was thrilled with the chance to show him how a 'good woman' would treat him and appreciate him. I am a typical caretaker. I honestly think that even tho H played around the edges with drugs that he never was addicted to anything till the pills. I dont think he was even a hard core dabbler. I also think that while he might have liked the feeling the pills gave him, IN THE BEGINNING he went to the dr's for a legit injury and had that not happened he might never have gotten addicted. So if he hadnt gotten on the pills would we still be where we are now just for different reasons?

Freedom1990

Codependency, as with addiction, can be worked on and put in remission, so to speak of.

Today I have much better relationships with people in general because I continue to work a 12 step program for my codependency, as well as my alcoholism/addictions.

Suspicious

But if you werent aware of it and trying to work on it tho, would the codependence all by itself destroy an otherwise 'healthy' relationship?
Just trying to figure out if this behavior is as harmful to people in a relationship as addiction and/ or abuse.

Suspicious

by someone who doesnt buy into the codie crap do you mean someone who doesnt take advantage of someone who thinks they need them and wants to take care of them?