CPASpouse

So as my sweety is on day 10 of inpatient, I went to an appointment and got an assessment. Man, it was pretty interesting, having to remember when i started smoking weed, or drinking, and the frequency etc. Then when I told him that I had tried Meth last september.....seems like he got his game face on. My boundaries were weak, I chose to use with her and then in the past couple of months, watched the frequency increase. So at the end of the assessment, I was given intensive outpatient as an option. Seems like (and I agree) that while I don't have the compulsive addiction (yet), I am between substance abuse and chemical dependency.....then realizing that I can't use any substances during IOP, I started having thoughts of using before that starts...UGH. It's been 12 days C & S and i'm using the assessment as an excuse to possibly use? So I just chilled at home, didn't use, and as I'm about to curl up for the night, just thought I'd vent here. Thanks!

OZboy

I hope things work out,take care.....Oz.

CarolD

Good to know you are taking this assessment seriously
Well done on your new beginning....

ChameleonBoy

That sounds like a good reason to me.


But then....I'm an alcoholic.

Tazman53

I can understand why he got his game face on, Meth is one thing even in my drunkest most down and out moments I would never have done, check out this link chock full of pics of users, follow the links and see where wanting to join in the fun could take one. meth addicts before and after - Google Image Search

I hope you opted for the IOP, because Meth and Crack are the express lane to hell.

CPASpouse

yeah, i've seen the faces of meth, and thankfully, my sweety hasn't suffered the external ravages after three years and I'm going to go full bore into IOP to not only gain tools to stay on track, but also gain tools to set the communication and refusal boundaries so that if my spouse weakens, I don't weaken with her. Today was a really crazy day.....stressful but good. I had posted awhile back asking for input regarding doing a controlled buy with the only person I know of that deals. It was a bit nervewracking and this first one was to prove my reliability, but it went off without a hitch and afterwards I felt some measure of peace doing something positive.

smacked

So you're still going to bust the dealer so you don't use?

Wolfchild

Have you thought about attending NA meetings in addition to your IOP?

The more help that we ask for, the better our chances of staying clean become.

Take it easy and keep moving forward no matter what!!

CPASpouse

No smacked, i'm going to IOP to not use, and also to learn to set and maintain boundaries with my sweety so I don't use if she decides to. But this person has been to infiltrate our life, and even after being asked to not sell to me, she had absolutely no issue with doing so. So for me, I'm simply removing her from having the ability to interact with my family or myself. Before my wife went to treatment, she asked me to not buy from this dealer (the only one I personally know) and I told her in an offhand way that the only way I would contact her would be in the manner I did. It's very interesting to learn the mentality of this "friend" who, knowing the amount I got from her would have been enough to spin me round for several days, has been texting me today asking if I wanted more. And that simply tells me that our kids are at risk of becoming future customers as long as she's allowed to be anywhere close. Had she moved as she had initially said (and that would have been far enough away), I might have reconsidered and let it be. But after the past couple of days, I'm absolutely fine with my decision and won't feel sorry if she goes back to prison.

CPASpouse

I've been to some open AA meetings, and I enjoy hearing the message. I only introduce myself by my name as I feel insincere if I were to add addict behind it. I'm thankful I've realized what some of the issues are for me, and that I don't, at this time anyway, have the compulsive desire to use. And I feel I'd be looked at sideways if I were to say something smart ass like addict in training or somewhat chemically dependent. So my name suffices. My hope is that doesn't change and the way to guarantee that is to not use and allow the progression to grow into a full blown addiction.

ex D-Boy

when I first started going to NA I would introduce myself "Hi im Scott and I've been called an addict"

I did this for over 3 weeks and nobody in the meeting had a problem. Some even laughed and came up to me after the meeting to get to know me better. If you dont believe that your an addict thats okay, people in the rooms will not judge. They are some of the most understanding + genuine people out there.

Congrats on you and your girl getting clean btw and for checking out a meeting!(they really do work)