CPASpouse

I'm the spouse of a wonderful woman who's been struggling with a meth addicition for about 3 yrs. I grew up with an AA/NA dad and he's been clean/sober for over 22 yrs. I never really appreciated how hard it's been for him to make it this far and have learned a great deal from watching my sweety struggle. She's in treatment now for another go around and it seems like she has all the head knowledge, but the last time she came through, she made it to day 73 and then the wheels gradually fell off until she went into full blown relapse. We're rolling really well in our marriage except for one very crucial area. When she gets into that obsession/craving mood, I've allowed my own boundaries to weaken as she has and wound up using with her. We do this knowing that if it continues, it will eventually destroy the marriage and each other. I love her dearly and the day before she went into treatment, she and I argued mightily as she wanted that last harrah and it was the first real time in a while that I had stood up and said absolutely not. We had used a few days before, I was tired and cranky and we both said things that we later apologized for. Then the thing that I had been worrying about happened. I woke up in the middle of the night with a very real craving of my own. Scared to death, I turned to god, started praying and kept at it until I fell asleep and it passed. That was last Sunday. So she's in treatment, and I've been in kind of that down mood that meth brings and while I haven't had another craving like that, I have come to a point where I can't deny I have the beginnings of the addiction. I had told her that I would get an eval for outpatient and on my way back from dropping her off, I called, set the appt and that felt good. I don't feel like I will have any issues staying away from the person/places/things that might tempt me to use on my own, but I'm very nervous about what happens when she comes back and a craving comes to her and as that has become the trigger for me to choose to use with her, I just would so welcome some experiences about how to lovingly navigate, stand my ground knowing she might just decide to walk out the door and use, and to do so without continuing the the absolutely dangerous behavior of enabling/using. We both realize that we have to set some strong/non-negotiable boundaries for each other. It just seems that we get weak with each other and since I'm the primary breadwinner in the family, we simply cannot afford to go down that road financially. What began as a curiousity and a desire to understand why the pull is so strong has evolved into more than I bargained for and after thinking through the feelings and such, realize that I came right up to the precipice of a long hard fall and am very grateful that I was able to step back from it. I just want to try and figure out the best way to stay away from that cliff so I don't fall in and then spend my marriage, my health and life and my finances trying to dig myself out.

Thanks for listening and please feel free to share any advice or comments that you feel may help.

Phil

This is a cross post from the Newcomers to recovery forum

Freedom1990

Here's my personal experience as a recovering meth addict who was married to an active meth addict.

I had to save myself. He went through rehab before I did, and went right back to swilling whiskey and slamming meth the day he got out of rehab.

Meth almost killed me. I was taken to treatment weighing 109 pounds (I'm 6' tall), pregnant, and blown out the veins in both arms. I was literally days away from death.

I grabbed onto recovery with all I had. I never went back home because I knew I'd die, either from him beating me to death, or I'd be slamming meth again with him.

He was buried three years ago, complications due to AIDS which he contracted by sharing needles with someone else while I was in rehab.

suki44883

You already know, but you have to actually do it...Your recovery is yours and her recovery is hers. It's definitely hard to live in a home where both parties are users, but you have to want to be clean more than anything...including her.

Ann

Sadly, many codies end up using also, the old "can't beat 'em, join 'em" thing or just trying it to see what it is all about.

As you have discovered, this is a very dangerous practice and can kill us if we continue.

My thoughts are that the most important thing right now is for you to find help to get some solid recovery and boundaries that will help you stop using. She may find recovery forever, or she may continue using when she leaves rehab. That is all up to her and has nothing to do with you. What IS about you is your use of drugs and escaping from the grips of addiction.

Sometimes, if we don't let go, we go down with them to the very depths of hell.

My prayers go out for both of you.

Hugs

hope213

welcome to S.R. i am sorry for you both. i know u love her but you have got to take care of yourself. it is only going to get worse if she or you use. it is let go or get dragged. get yourself to some meetings & out patient care. saying a prayer for you both. keep coming back. we care.

breakingfree88

Welcome. I'm really sorry to hear how things are going for you right now. I can't imagine how frightening it has been for you to crave the drug yourself. But I am proud of you for actively taking steps to "nip it in the bud". I don't have much advice for you but can encourage you to take care of yourself and come back. She's right...we do care. Keep us updated!
-Holly

CPASpouse

thanks for all of the kind words and support. She's on blackout right now at treatment and I'm sure that she's concerned for me on my own and I'm excited to see her this saturday. At this point, I'm focusing on work and keeping busy with taking care of the home in her absence, still feeling some of the mental blahs of the last use knowing it will get better as I just keep moving forward. I'm thankful for the time to rest and regain my strength and praying to find that balance between being supportive and enabling so when she's out, I can do what's best for me. Sounds like in doing that, it will be what's best for her as well. I can hope then that she'll do the same. Sounds like an oxymoron, but I think that's what's right. Thanks again.