isurvived

This post is not so much about the struggles and effects of my life with the AH, but my "moving on" - and getting on with my own life. I waffled so much for so many years, whether or not to end the relationship, how I was going to do it, what sacrifices I'd have to face, etc. I was glad when I ended it, and still am. It was a huge relief.

I'm on my own now. I have a son to raise. He's still in HS, and I want to provide him with stability and a good launch into a life of his own. College — somehow... that worries me. How will I do that. No support from XAH, he's in the gutter — emotionally, and financially.

I'm feeling "in limbo" right now. Recently unemployed for the first time in my working life, hard economic times, and I am struggling financially, and trying to figure out just where I am going as far as the future goes. It's an "unknown" that I really didn't anticipate in my life right now, and it is just adding to my "limbo feeling." I'm capable, and hard working, and self-confident... but in this economy it's not a favorable environment for jobs.

Another thing that is in limbo is the final decision from the court on the division of our marital property. How that turns out will have a huge impact on which direction I move next.

All this "waiting" is driving me crazy!!!!

I have a huge faith, but at times now I even feel abandoned by my HP. Days go by and I'm still "in limbo". Patience is running low for me. I just want to get on with my life. I know there are better days ahead. I try to make the most of each day all the while looking for tomorrow. I guess until the employment situation improves and my settlement is determined, I'm sort of "stuck" where I am.

On the bright side, I don't have the weight of an A in my life anymore, and that is very good. I feel relief for that, but I think it also is what is making me so impatient to get going on my future.

tallulah

Oh I know how the limbo feels. But I am impatient and I want it all now.

I have an idea of how I would like my life to be in the short term at least and I'm trying to do a positive visualisation each day and I'm 'putting it out there'... but it depends on forces outside of my control too and it is a struggle every day being positive and hopeful in the face of it. I too have felt abandoned and stuck and sometimes still do.

I hold onto the serenity prayer and the saying that 'what is for you, won't go by you'. And I trust that whatever is out there for me, will come to me when it is time. And in the meantime, I do what I can.. what I can change.. when I can do it.

:ghug keep on putting one foot in front of the other..

LaTeeDa

I can very much relate to this thread. Not a very patient person myself. One thing that really helped (and surprised!) me was a little experiment I did after I finished reading "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. In the book he advocates living in the present moment, because that is really the only moment there is. Anyway, towards the end of the book, he explains that there are only three states of being in the present moment--Acceptance, Enjoyment, and Enthusiasm. Any other state of mind means you are either dwelling in the past or future.

So, I decided to concentrate on these three states in order to keep myself in the present. I figured most of the time I would be in a state of acceptance, because there just wasn't much in my life that I was feeling enjoyable or enthusiastic about, lol. What surprised me was that when I quit anticipating the future (just wanting to get something over with) or ruminating over the past, and truly focused on whatever I was doing at the moment, I found myself enjoying things that I never thought of as enjoyable. I found myself in a state of enjoyment while folding laundry, for instance, instead of mere acceptance, which was what I expected.

Sometimes we miss life waiting for the future. It's here, right now. You will never get this day back, might as well live it.

L

isurvived

Nice to read that others can relate.

Today has been kind of a tough day. I got turned down for a job I'd applied for, and my son didn't show up for his counseling appt I'm OK about the job, as it would have been a 100 mile trip a day to and from the office. I'm not real big on commuting. My son intentionally missing his appt. worries me, but like they say "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink." If he feels the need to talk, he knows the door is open.

Patience. I just have to be patient and enjoy each day for what it is. Thanks for the feedback.