do you get times when?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
do you get times when?
do you get times when you think.f.......ck this...
do you gets times when you pray and it just aint.........happening.
im struggling at the moment..........i cant pull out of this depression.
the issue with my step daughter stealing 2k and selling my belonging on e bay is starting to crack my marriage........i cant seem to forgive and it burns into me.....
im sick to the back teeth of bs AA meetings full of bs group therapy.
im sick to death of not being able to find a sponsor that dont add his s....t to the big book.
im walking out of meeting feeling worse than i went in........
i dont want meds......it aint the answer..........im just struggling to find the answer.
sometimes it seems the lows get lower the longer im sober..........
i just want to get in my car and drive and drive and drive......till i drive of the edge of the earth.....
do NOT tell me to go to a meeting..........sorry i just gotta get that out.
any inspiration.......thoughts....or just your experience please.
do you gets times when you pray and it just aint.........happening.
im struggling at the moment..........i cant pull out of this depression.
the issue with my step daughter stealing 2k and selling my belonging on e bay is starting to crack my marriage........i cant seem to forgive and it burns into me.....
im sick to the back teeth of bs AA meetings full of bs group therapy.
im sick to death of not being able to find a sponsor that dont add his s....t to the big book.
im walking out of meeting feeling worse than i went in........
i dont want meds......it aint the answer..........im just struggling to find the answer.
sometimes it seems the lows get lower the longer im sober..........
i just want to get in my car and drive and drive and drive......till i drive of the edge of the earth.....
do NOT tell me to go to a meeting..........sorry i just gotta get that out.
any inspiration.......thoughts....or just your experience please.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,072
Originally Posted by trucker 
do you get times when you think.f.......ck this...
do you gets times when you pray and it just aint.........happening.
do you gets times when you pray and it just aint.........happening.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time trucker, really sorry to hear your stepdaughter did that to you. I hope life gets better soon.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Trucker,
Yep, I've felt what you describe. For me, it's never been about one big thing or event. Those ones I see coming, they are obvious, and I have been taught how to take an inventory.
Those funks, I don't know the reason for. Maybe it's all those little things I don't see coming or are not obvious just adding up. But I swear to you, that I've been through enough of them to have faith that if I keep praying, keep trying to improve my concious contact (even when I'm pretty damn sure nothing is listening), I have without exception gotten through those times with a new awareness and serenity.
I don't always sit back and just let it happen. I have used those times as motivation to work the steps again (I started a new round last week; no funk, just cuz). I've used it as motivation to look at my nightly 10th step or my morning meditation. I'm adjusted and made changes to my routine. Some things have just happened naturally.
Without fail, working with a newcomer is always a great experience for me. Not always for them, but it's always good for me.
So, if there's anything to be had from my post, it's that I have felt like you feel and have gotten through it just fine. It's almost become a joke. I've learned not to make too much out of it, examine my program, maybe sart something new or make changes. Remember, we try to improve our concious contact. Sometimes that means change. And sometimes that means sitting back and having faith and not getting too excited.
Yep, I've felt what you describe. For me, it's never been about one big thing or event. Those ones I see coming, they are obvious, and I have been taught how to take an inventory.
Those funks, I don't know the reason for. Maybe it's all those little things I don't see coming or are not obvious just adding up. But I swear to you, that I've been through enough of them to have faith that if I keep praying, keep trying to improve my concious contact (even when I'm pretty damn sure nothing is listening), I have without exception gotten through those times with a new awareness and serenity.
I don't always sit back and just let it happen. I have used those times as motivation to work the steps again (I started a new round last week; no funk, just cuz). I've used it as motivation to look at my nightly 10th step or my morning meditation. I'm adjusted and made changes to my routine. Some things have just happened naturally.
Without fail, working with a newcomer is always a great experience for me. Not always for them, but it's always good for me.
So, if there's anything to be had from my post, it's that I have felt like you feel and have gotten through it just fine. It's almost become a joke. I've learned not to make too much out of it, examine my program, maybe sart something new or make changes. Remember, we try to improve our concious contact. Sometimes that means change. And sometimes that means sitting back and having faith and not getting too excited.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Hey trucker, yep, times when the two way connection to God is full of static....
I remember when you mentioned this about your step-daughter a few months ago. But it's not really about her, is it... it's about your marriage...
Your wife is who you have to forgive, even if, technically she's done nothing wrong. Maybe she has, I don't know.
What do you need from your wife?
Mark
I remember when you mentioned this about your step-daughter a few months ago. But it's not really about her, is it... it's about your marriage...
Your wife is who you have to forgive, even if, technically she's done nothing wrong. Maybe she has, I don't know.
What do you need from your wife?
Mark
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
as one trucker to another,and as one alcoholic to another.....
we both dang lucky to have a family,however dysfunctional it is.We alcoholics did a lot to cause it to be that way it is today,if they lived thru our alcoholism with us.
so,I would be certified crazy if I expected my family to be perfect.
When things ain`t going well in my family,I got to get honest with me first.I`m a guy with a fatal illness,I need help.
My help comes from a HP thru the steps in the big book,so what have you done about that resentment?You do have a resentment against your daughter,right?
I would if my daughter lifted 2 k from me....
step 4 tells me what to do with my resentment,and the family afterwards tells me a few things I need to stay on top of because I am a alcoholic.
pages 86-88 gives me daily direction,we constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show,saying thy will be done...so why does this alcoholic have to constantly remind himself God is running the show?Because I have a inclination to always want to run it myself,constantly.
When I do,I find fault with everyone and everything,and when I do that,I get irked to say the least.I usually live with it until it really sucks and then do something about it,or I try and stop it before it goes that far.
Bottom line,2k is a small price to pay for piece of mind,and sobriety...you just may get it back someday,who knows...take it our of your hands and put it in Gods,it don`t work too well in your hands does it trucker?It don`t work well in mine either.
so,if I am gonna have to put myself in a position to be of service to God and others,(and me last)where does my children and wife fit in?
Where is God at in this situation?Does He have your attention?
we both dang lucky to have a family,however dysfunctional it is.We alcoholics did a lot to cause it to be that way it is today,if they lived thru our alcoholism with us.
so,I would be certified crazy if I expected my family to be perfect.
When things ain`t going well in my family,I got to get honest with me first.I`m a guy with a fatal illness,I need help.
My help comes from a HP thru the steps in the big book,so what have you done about that resentment?You do have a resentment against your daughter,right?
I would if my daughter lifted 2 k from me....
step 4 tells me what to do with my resentment,and the family afterwards tells me a few things I need to stay on top of because I am a alcoholic.
pages 86-88 gives me daily direction,we constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show,saying thy will be done...so why does this alcoholic have to constantly remind himself God is running the show?Because I have a inclination to always want to run it myself,constantly.
When I do,I find fault with everyone and everything,and when I do that,I get irked to say the least.I usually live with it until it really sucks and then do something about it,or I try and stop it before it goes that far.
Bottom line,2k is a small price to pay for piece of mind,and sobriety...you just may get it back someday,who knows...take it our of your hands and put it in Gods,it don`t work too well in your hands does it trucker?It don`t work well in mine either.
so,if I am gonna have to put myself in a position to be of service to God and others,(and me last)where does my children and wife fit in?
Where is God at in this situation?Does He have your attention?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Just wanted to chime in and say I understand the place you find yourself. Sick to death of meetings, depressed, and (for me) full of fear and resentment.
What helps me is to stick to my routine as much as possible, especially around my meetings. I share here, or with a trusted friend, and remain open to guidance.
And, as Astro shared, it always comes to pass. Life on life's terms isn't easy at the best of times, never mind while working hard at recovery. Keep sharing, trucker, you aren't alone my friend.
What helps me is to stick to my routine as much as possible, especially around my meetings. I share here, or with a trusted friend, and remain open to guidance.
And, as Astro shared, it always comes to pass. Life on life's terms isn't easy at the best of times, never mind while working hard at recovery. Keep sharing, trucker, you aren't alone my friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Originally Posted by bballdad
as one trucker to another,and as one alcoholic to another.....
we both dang lucky to have a family,however dysfunctional it is.We alcoholics did a lot to cause it to be that way it is today,if they lived thru our alcoholism with us.
so,I would be certified crazy if I expected my family to be perfect.
When things ain`t going well in my family,I got to get honest with me first.I`m a guy with a fatal illness,I need help.
My help comes from a HP thru the steps in the big book,so what have you done about that resentment?You do have a resentment against your daughter,right?
I would if my daughter lifted 2 k from me....
step 4 tells me what to do with my resentment,and the family afterwards tells me a few things I need to stay on top of because I am a alcoholic.
pages 86-88 gives me daily direction,we constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show,saying thy will be done...so why does this alcoholic have to constantly remind himself God is running the show?Because I have a inclination to always want to run it myself,constantly.
When I do,I find fault with everyone and everything,and when I do that,I get irked to say the least.I usually live with it until it really sucks and then do something about it,or I try and stop it before it goes that far.
Bottom line,2k is a small price to pay for piece of mind,and sobriety...you just may get it back someday,who knows...take it our of your hands and put it in Gods,it don`t work too well in your hands does it trucker?It don`t work well in mine either.
so,if I am gonna have to put myself in a position to be of service to God and others,(and me last)where does my children and wife fit in?
Where is God at in this situation?Does He have your attention?
we both dang lucky to have a family,however dysfunctional it is.We alcoholics did a lot to cause it to be that way it is today,if they lived thru our alcoholism with us.
so,I would be certified crazy if I expected my family to be perfect.
When things ain`t going well in my family,I got to get honest with me first.I`m a guy with a fatal illness,I need help.
My help comes from a HP thru the steps in the big book,so what have you done about that resentment?You do have a resentment against your daughter,right?
I would if my daughter lifted 2 k from me....
step 4 tells me what to do with my resentment,and the family afterwards tells me a few things I need to stay on top of because I am a alcoholic.
pages 86-88 gives me daily direction,we constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show,saying thy will be done...so why does this alcoholic have to constantly remind himself God is running the show?Because I have a inclination to always want to run it myself,constantly.
When I do,I find fault with everyone and everything,and when I do that,I get irked to say the least.I usually live with it until it really sucks and then do something about it,or I try and stop it before it goes that far.
Bottom line,2k is a small price to pay for piece of mind,and sobriety...you just may get it back someday,who knows...take it our of your hands and put it in Gods,it don`t work too well in your hands does it trucker?It don`t work well in mine either.
so,if I am gonna have to put myself in a position to be of service to God and others,(and me last)where does my children and wife fit in?
Where is God at in this situation?Does He have your attention?
god and direction from the book have helped me deal with many resentments over time........its just this situation....
It doesnt feel like a resentment..........maybe just deep sorrow..shock maybe.
im just lost with it.
My whole mind frame is difficult at the moment around alot of "stuff"...
my normally closeness to god has distant and as cubile said....static.
im leaving meeting halfway through.......i dont know what i wanna hear..
but i aint hearing it...
i do know that a week ago i was on a huge high and everything was rosy.
Only to crash and burn again......
maybe i need to sort this sponsor after my sponsor left town.......a friend of mine said if your waiting for god to walk in and sponsor you..your gonna be waiting a while...
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
I'm glad you mentioned sorrow, because I heard a lot of grief in your post. What I've learned from my experiences is that grief, like all other things, will need to be felt fully and dealt with, then it passes. Dealing with grief SUCKS. You're doing it, every single day you stay sober. It may not seem like much right now, but you will be amazed when you start to come out of this... and you will come out of this.
There is no always/never/forever, life is ever changing, sometimes breath by breath. Give yourself time to feel whatever you need to. You've obviously got enough faith to do so, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. So, feel it and keep on trudgin - you'll get to use this experience to help someone else down the road.
Big major rib crackin hugs, buddy.
There is no always/never/forever, life is ever changing, sometimes breath by breath. Give yourself time to feel whatever you need to. You've obviously got enough faith to do so, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. So, feel it and keep on trudgin - you'll get to use this experience to help someone else down the road.
Big major rib crackin hugs, buddy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 2,384
Hey,
Just because it doesn't look like a resentment doesn't mean it isn't. But don't kick yourself because you have a resentment against your daughter. If my kid took 2 k from me I'd have a resentment too.
This may not be real encouraging, but what if I told you that times like this are part of the journey? The spiritual life isn't about getting away from pain, sorrow, and the difficulties that happen when one is experiencing the human experience.
I've found that suffering comes from the resistance to what is. I resist what is by trying to change it. When something makes me uncomfortable, I try to change being uncomfortable by trying to inventory my way out of it or praying my way way out of it. The trick I've found is just to be with it. Breath as Emily says. Be in the company of a few good friends. Don't go to AA meetings and try to talk it away. The more you talk about it to those who might not understand, the more power you give it. Take long walks, go to the library, treat your spirit. Wait a little while before trying to inventory it. But do find another alcoholic to work with, maybe find a detox or hospital meeting.
Just my experience of walking through the tough times. PM me if you need to.
Jim
Just because it doesn't look like a resentment doesn't mean it isn't. But don't kick yourself because you have a resentment against your daughter. If my kid took 2 k from me I'd have a resentment too.
This may not be real encouraging, but what if I told you that times like this are part of the journey? The spiritual life isn't about getting away from pain, sorrow, and the difficulties that happen when one is experiencing the human experience.
I've found that suffering comes from the resistance to what is. I resist what is by trying to change it. When something makes me uncomfortable, I try to change being uncomfortable by trying to inventory my way out of it or praying my way way out of it. The trick I've found is just to be with it. Breath as Emily says. Be in the company of a few good friends. Don't go to AA meetings and try to talk it away. The more you talk about it to those who might not understand, the more power you give it. Take long walks, go to the library, treat your spirit. Wait a little while before trying to inventory it. But do find another alcoholic to work with, maybe find a detox or hospital meeting.
Just my experience of walking through the tough times. PM me if you need to.
Jim
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
A few years into sobriety I hit a patch that sounds similar to yours. My first Grandson was born with only 1/2 a heart to my oldest son and daughter-in-law. At the same time my 15 year old daughter hid a pregnancy until she gave birth and then I found out she had been abused and impregnated by a "church leader," an adult. These events occurred with in one week of another. And so on and so on......
In short I had had better days, months and years. I talked with a close friend in the program who had 30 years and asked "just what the hell am I supposed to do?" "Last time life was not even this bad, I quit drinking and it got better, but I can't quit again when I haven't started!" I remember telling him that I just wanted to feel good again, like I had back then.
His advice was very simple, but at least for me it helped a great deal. He suggested that I examine what I had been doing when I was happy and make sure that I was doing that NOW. In my case most of my change was a lack of belief that things do happen for a reason and that if they are bad now, they will get better. In short, I HAD LOST FAITH IN THE FUTURE AND IN MYSELF and MY ATTITUDE being the real determinant. Gratitude had been replace by "why me?"
I watched my 6 year old grandson play T-ball baseball yesterday. He isn't the quickest and in fact he is the smallest kid on the field, but his dad a former college football player and US Marine is coaching him and if his son were the star of the team he wouldn't be more proud and neither would I.
My daughter is a successful T.V. production assistant at Disney resorts and very happy and loving. Her son is in an adoptive family and is a thriving 6 year old with a loving family including two adoring sisters who are also adopted.
Life for me is change, but my only control, (which I forget on a regular basis), is my willingness to accept that I can only control MY actions and MY reactions. The rest is just life.
I know this is SIMPLE and we all have heard this since we walked into the rooms.
I KNOW IT, I JUST "FORGET IT" EVERY NOW AND THEN.
Best wishes,
Jon
In short I had had better days, months and years. I talked with a close friend in the program who had 30 years and asked "just what the hell am I supposed to do?" "Last time life was not even this bad, I quit drinking and it got better, but I can't quit again when I haven't started!" I remember telling him that I just wanted to feel good again, like I had back then.
His advice was very simple, but at least for me it helped a great deal. He suggested that I examine what I had been doing when I was happy and make sure that I was doing that NOW. In my case most of my change was a lack of belief that things do happen for a reason and that if they are bad now, they will get better. In short, I HAD LOST FAITH IN THE FUTURE AND IN MYSELF and MY ATTITUDE being the real determinant. Gratitude had been replace by "why me?"
I watched my 6 year old grandson play T-ball baseball yesterday. He isn't the quickest and in fact he is the smallest kid on the field, but his dad a former college football player and US Marine is coaching him and if his son were the star of the team he wouldn't be more proud and neither would I.
My daughter is a successful T.V. production assistant at Disney resorts and very happy and loving. Her son is in an adoptive family and is a thriving 6 year old with a loving family including two adoring sisters who are also adopted.
Life for me is change, but my only control, (which I forget on a regular basis), is my willingness to accept that I can only control MY actions and MY reactions. The rest is just life.
I know this is SIMPLE and we all have heard this since we walked into the rooms.
I KNOW IT, I JUST "FORGET IT" EVERY NOW AND THEN.
Best wishes,
Jon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
thankyou for sharing that jon.
and thankyou for all your replys....my heads clearing somewhat and im in touch with some pals.
One said......."stop whining like a girl and get your a..s over here"...lol.
so im off............thanks again.....................shaun
and thankyou for all your replys....my heads clearing somewhat and im in touch with some pals.
One said......."stop whining like a girl and get your a..s over here"...lol.
so im off............thanks again.....................shaun
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hey trucker,i hope you are feeling better after catching up with your friends,you probs felt a lot better getting rid of a lot of stuff here too.im only a "newbie" in recovery and im in good shape,ie on my pink cloud! so i dont have any advice for you,just my thoughts and prayers.take care.
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