Can't get a sponsor - pure fustration!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 10
Can't get a sponsor - pure fustration!
I have been sober for nearly 3 months now. I have asked and asked around for sponsorship and just can't fiind it.
I feel I am at the end of step one and verging on step two and I feel so alone and lost with this.
I feel I am at the end of step one and verging on step two and I feel so alone and lost with this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 10
I am preferably looking for a female - as I am female. All the other women in there seem to be 30ish years older than me and there are all basically saying it wouldn't work because of the age difference.
This is what I am looking for yes - some guidance through the steps. I am starting to wonder whether to use an online group like this and go through the steps that way but not sure if it would work.
This is what I am looking for yes - some guidance through the steps. I am starting to wonder whether to use an online group like this and go through the steps that way but not sure if it would work.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
How about an accountability partner? I see that your in Englad. Do you have other meetings you can frequent to see if you can find a new pool of potential sponsors?
Welcome to SR! You will get better responses soon. :ghug
Welcome to SR! You will get better responses soon. :ghug
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
I would suggest face to face as being the most beneficial. You see, part of this deal is to really let someone in...
If they are telling you that it wouldn't work...tell them that you are getting desperate and ask them for help.
Put them on the spot...you will help them more than you know.
If you need the words "I haven't drank for 3 months and I am dying. I think the steps will work for me, but I don't want to do them alone. Will you help me?"
If they are telling you that it wouldn't work...tell them that you are getting desperate and ask them for help.
Put them on the spot...you will help them more than you know.
If you need the words "I haven't drank for 3 months and I am dying. I think the steps will work for me, but I don't want to do them alone. Will you help me?"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 10
Hi
I have started going to different meetings - so hopefully opening new doors. I am in a very rural part of the UK.
I do have a friend out of AA who pretty well knows everything about me - although obviously has no experience of the steps.
Sug I do like your directness - I think I may try it
xx
I have started going to different meetings - so hopefully opening new doors. I am in a very rural part of the UK.
I do have a friend out of AA who pretty well knows everything about me - although obviously has no experience of the steps.
Sug I do like your directness - I think I may try it
xx
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
I'll put my 2 cents worth in here
Step 1 (im not really a BB guy but I am sober and in recovery) - is about
1- accepting that we are powerless against booze or drugs just for starters. I realized after a while that I am powerless against people, places and things. Rather than getting a sponsor.
2- My opinion is that a good sponsor can be any age they just need to have what you want.
3- Also, my opinion is that people seem to have several sponsors sometimes several at a time. Different sponsors for different aspects of their recovery. Some sponsors are better at different parts of recovery. Sometimes we need to get a new sponsor because we have grown. Sometimes it just isnt a match. Sponsors die or move. I had a particularly "fun" journey as far as staying sober and some sponsors moved on themselves. (It definetly wasnt as bad as some though) We are all human. Sponsors arent superman - just people w a disease.
I would think it would be pretty rare (im still under a year myself for the second time (yes, I relapsed)) to have just one sponsor for the entire time we are in recovery. I have had a few (probly more than others) and still contact about half of them. I hang out w people that have what I want. I dont think I could have too many people w longterm recovery in my life. Sometimes if I dont like what one says I call another person pr a different vierwpoint. If all of the people say pretty much the same thing. I (for me) can take it as good advice most of the time. I can still have my opinion even if others dont agree. That is what makes us individuals. At the same time, my best thinking got me here in the first place. I still find myself having to look at myself in many situations. Thats why I say im in RECOVERY.
Step 1 (im not really a BB guy but I am sober and in recovery) - is about
1- accepting that we are powerless against booze or drugs just for starters. I realized after a while that I am powerless against people, places and things. Rather than getting a sponsor.
2- My opinion is that a good sponsor can be any age they just need to have what you want.
3- Also, my opinion is that people seem to have several sponsors sometimes several at a time. Different sponsors for different aspects of their recovery. Some sponsors are better at different parts of recovery. Sometimes we need to get a new sponsor because we have grown. Sometimes it just isnt a match. Sponsors die or move. I had a particularly "fun" journey as far as staying sober and some sponsors moved on themselves. (It definetly wasnt as bad as some though) We are all human. Sponsors arent superman - just people w a disease.
I would think it would be pretty rare (im still under a year myself for the second time (yes, I relapsed)) to have just one sponsor for the entire time we are in recovery. I have had a few (probly more than others) and still contact about half of them. I hang out w people that have what I want. I dont think I could have too many people w longterm recovery in my life. Sometimes if I dont like what one says I call another person pr a different vierwpoint. If all of the people say pretty much the same thing. I (for me) can take it as good advice most of the time. I can still have my opinion even if others dont agree. That is what makes us individuals. At the same time, my best thinking got me here in the first place. I still find myself having to look at myself in many situations. Thats why I say im in RECOVERY.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 10
Hey Frstmn, Thanks for your input - I was to a certain extent thinking along the lines of what you are saying. These women by no means have been unhelpful - they have all said go to them for advice whenever I need it. I feel like going to each of them when I get an issue with the steps and if two of them are saying the same - then take that as sound advice.
Its all so confusing but then I think my brain maybe possibly still be in shock of being able to admit I am an alcoholic at last. What I am finding difficult though is that I can admit it but I am not sure that I am accepting it. I am not sure if admitting and accepting are the same things.
Powerless over people places and things in also an interesting concept.
Its all so confusing but then I think my brain maybe possibly still be in shock of being able to admit I am an alcoholic at last. What I am finding difficult though is that I can admit it but I am not sure that I am accepting it. I am not sure if admitting and accepting are the same things.
Powerless over people places and things in also an interesting concept.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
good.....glad to see your able to take the directness approach, was gonna turn lose my ex sister in law on you she is in south end on sea and also doing the aa thing, me I am happy to say I met my sponcer on here.......she and I signed up with sr about the same time as her, she was a few weeks before me actually, together though the miles that seperate us are huge we have staied strong together.....I have actually asked her to be my Maid of Honor next year............hold fast and firm to your resolve to stay clean and sober and you will do it, she and I have made it together for two years ( Amy) and for me it will be 2 years this June 11th..........a face to face sponcer is always good but having someone who is THERE FOR YOU AND UNDERSTANDS is so much better!
Pamm
Pamm
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 10
Hey if your sister in law wants to say hi - that is fine. I am south england too!
That is brill to have found a sponsor on here - I would be cool with that if it were to happen to me too.
Congrats on your 2 years xxxxxxx
That is brill to have found a sponsor on here - I would be cool with that if it were to happen to me too.
Congrats on your 2 years xxxxxxx
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
I just expanded on what AA already said. Powerless.
To me, admitting is done w the mouth and accepting is much deeper than that. Involving mind, not just brain. Brain is tangeble. Mind is not.
Although Im not working particularly hard on step work; I might think if one sponsor is guiding you through the steps and you have asked the other one and followed their advice. You may wind up with a conflict with the first one.
Also, IMHO, Take your time finding a sponsor that works. Use a temp sponsor as just that. Temporary. It may turn into a long term sponsorship, friends or you may just move on. Its Your recovery and you chose the path you will take. Not us/me.
To me, admitting is done w the mouth and accepting is much deeper than that. Involving mind, not just brain. Brain is tangeble. Mind is not.
Although Im not working particularly hard on step work; I might think if one sponsor is guiding you through the steps and you have asked the other one and followed their advice. You may wind up with a conflict with the first one.
Also, IMHO, Take your time finding a sponsor that works. Use a temp sponsor as just that. Temporary. It may turn into a long term sponsorship, friends or you may just move on. Its Your recovery and you chose the path you will take. Not us/me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 10
Hi Thanks for that - I kinda thinking along the same lines with admittance / acceptance - taking the view that admittance is through the brain and acceptance through the heart
Yes I guess the right person for sponsorship will come along at the right time.
Yes I guess the right person for sponsorship will come along at the right time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Oahu
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Justforthem 
I am preferably looking for a female - as I am female. All the other women in there seem to be 30ish years older than me and there are all basically saying it wouldn't work because of the age difference.
I would think the age difference would be an asset rather than a liability. Is there more to the story?
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
I asked several women to be my sponsor and got truned down for various reasons.
Then, knowing I needed one but did not know what to do.
I went to several womens meetings and listened.
Then I turned it over to my hp, prayed about it.
The next meeting I found my sponsor! And the BEST sponsor for me that I could ever ask for!
No joke. Turn this over. It is not in your hands.
Then, knowing I needed one but did not know what to do.
I went to several womens meetings and listened.
Then I turned it over to my hp, prayed about it.
The next meeting I found my sponsor! And the BEST sponsor for me that I could ever ask for!
No joke. Turn this over. It is not in your hands.
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