sfgirl

I don't really have a point in this thread but last night I found myself being smug about my sobriety. Lately it happens more and more. In the beginning I think I downplayed being sober, sort of hiding it. Now I will state it more overtly and depending on the context I think it comes off sometimes as holier than thou. This was the scene:

I went to a concert with friends. Everyone had been drinking beforehand. Afterwards we went downstairs to a smaller club and listened to music. They were drinking in there. I had a soda and was dancing. I was having a good time. Then they decided to go so I left to. Outside, the guys said they were going home to play cards and drink. My girl friend said she was going to join them. They all were like, come on, come over, it is early. And I was like, nope, I am going home to bed. They kept pressing me, especially this one guy, who was probably drunker than the others. Then I was just like, well this might sound lame but I don't drink, I don't want to come over and sit around while you guys get sh*tfaced. I felt sort of like an ******* but at the same time it was the truth. Then the obnoxious dude says he gets it. I thought he was being sincere but then he expounded and gets all sarcastic, basically making me seem like I am better than them. And then I am just like, I am not allowed to just go home now? And I leave.

Whatever, sort of a stupid story. But I kind of feel like a similar thing happened tonight. Question is do you make an effort around drinking friends to "hide" your sobriety to save face or do you get all smug. Neither is really that appealing to me.

Antone

I'm 67 days into sobriety and it's kind of an uncomfortable situation for me. I kind of try and hide the fact I'm not drinking. I'm starting to feel like avoiding the scenes as well.

yeahgr8

I can't see anything wrong with what you did, personally i certainly would make no attempt whatsoever to hide it. Not sure if i agree that you were being smug at all?! But if it is a choice of hiding or being smug, i would go for being smug 10/10!

louis

Hi...

I dont think your being smug... just protecting yourself.... and if thats what it takes... then its what it takes...
I am struggling being around my best friend just now... because her and her husband drink... i find it easy not to drink with her... her husband keeps saying why are you not drinking... i just say am trying to be healthy.
I cant seem to tell them the truth though...
What im getting at is i would much rather have your HONEST attitude... cos i think i am gonna come unstuck with mine...

Try not to be hard on yourself...
be well
louis

Tosh

I've had to be totally honest with a good friend of over 22 years; we first met in basic training when we joined the army.

He's extremelly intelligent (our training sergeant said he was like the proverbial light-house in the desert; very bright, but no use to anyone), and he likes to drink.

I've just had to be totally honest with him and tell him I'm an alcoholic. His reply was, 'Well, one-or-two drinks won't hurt you', and then you have to go onto explain how I can't stop at one-or-two, three-or-four... etc. He understands; he knows my drinking history too since he played a large part in it.

If you've got good friends, just tell them the truth and the extent of your drinking problem BEFORE they get drunk.

Rusty Zipper

sfg, for me, i have been all over the place with this one...

from the pauper to the preacher!

now, for quite sometime,

"To Thine Ownself Be True"

hey, go kick some sobriety sand in Mr Obnoxious Dude's Mind!

Kablume

I think you're being honest also. I have a friend that spends time in bars and we used to meet Wed. afternoon.

She'll call me now and say "Stop by and have a Diet Coke." She knows I have quit drinking. I tell her I don't want to sit in a bar to visit her.

I also replaced that time slot for that day. I say good for you.

Bamboozle

I think it's important to be true to yourself. You don't have to save face or be smug. You can find a happy balance.

Horselover

There will always, always be jerks in the world SF. I agree with Rusty "To Thine ownself be True."

tommyk

You told the truth to a group of people.

One person in the group acted exactly like I used to act when I had been drinking.

(See any of your 'former' self in his behavior?)

Walk your own path.

CarolD

to protect my fragile early sobreity......I told everyone
in my social circle I was not drinking....attending AA
and my apartment was now a non drinking zone.

Did I feel smug?
No...I felt liberated ..

...I was no longer accepting invitations to party
As all my friends drank excessively.....most drifted away.

Then I found new non drinking friends in AA.
Yes, we went to concerts...danced...played cards.
And we stayed sober together....

Always good to see you share

marty888

I went out to dinner with a mate of 30+ plus years. I told him last week on the phone, I was going AA. As I said he has known me 30 years so he knows my drinking.
Dinner was great, he asked if he minded if he had a beer, I told him no problems. He had 2 beers (unlike me he can stop at that) and I had diet coke, but more importantly no cravings.
Real friends should understand that we have a problem and are working to fix it. If they are real friends they will be there for you whether or not you are drinking.