dedubya

I have been doing so good (although I havent posted in a while)- and doing pretty good tonight. Rode my bike today 33 miles - but proceeded to come home- take a nap- and have my two glasses of wine when i woke up. crap i am so close to getting down to nothing, I wish I could just erase that. I feel great physically, starting my new job in July (alot of free time- dangerous for me), and just disappointed in myself. I am drinking milk (fat free by the way) now. But anyway.....I do feel good otherwise, actually great. But I need to get to a ONE DAY. I know i will stop then....because I actually dont even enjoy it that much any more.

Also pissed (maybe this is more why I am in a funk)- that I will be by myself without my family for a month to maybe a year because it requires a move away- that is going to really kill me - i will see them 4 days a month.... which sucks. Maybe I shouldnt take this job.....I am thinking not and just selling the house and doing something else. I am so freeking confused.

Well- just wanted to drop a note.

Anna

Ya know Dedub, there's a BIG difference between two glasses of wine and not drinking.

If you're confused about the new job issue, can you put things on hold for a bit before you make a final decision. It sounds like you're having second thoughts.

Freedom1990

Just a thought. How's that working for you right now with too much time on your hands and no job?

I know I couldn't make any decent rational decisions if my life depended on it while I was still actively drinking, but that's me.

My best thinking damned near killed me.

dedubya

i just know if i move to a new city- by myself after work every day (which is when i hang out with my family and dogs), that is a very depressing situation and frankly dangerous for me both with alcohol and quite probably depression (almost sure of the depressed state of mind). I might have to turn down this job (which is humbly spoken- high pay)- for more important things. I am leaning that way.... crap. So again- I will not have a job...I guess things will work out.

dedubya

good points....I cant even sleep at night thinking about this crap. what i dont want to do is not be with my wife 20+ days a month (not to mention my son and daughter and dogs)- but where does the money thing fall into this- thats my dilemna.

Mark75

Dub!

Glad you road today, maybe you'll sleep better. I road 20, I always have a nice tired going about now if I had a good ride.

Put the cup down... Get some willingness... This alcohol thing has got you by the balls... You got a family, your home, your health and now a job... and your trying to make important decisions that affect all that and more... and your head isn't right and your heart isn't in it.... No one can do this for you.

BTW... I've been wonderin' where you were... good to see you post!

Mark

Mary52

Glad to see you posted, Dub. I was wondering about you. I haven't been on for a couple days, tho. I'm not working, which leaves me plenty of time for meetings....*hint* I talk to my sponsor, work the steps, go to meetings, and today even went to court with a young woman who was suppose to be sentenced, but got a continuance to June. Last year when I was dealing with all the legal crap, I had lots of AA supporters show up in court with me, so I decided to do what others did for me and be there for her.

Anyways, Dub, IN MY EXPERIENCE, The drink and drugs had to stop before I could do anything else. Things are not going to change because you want them to. You need to change YOU. Just like I had to change ME. Then working the steps can help with that. I keep telling you to go to meetings. I can't make you go, but maybe something will sink in eventually and you'll start doing the things that others before you have done that have good sobriety.

You seem a bit baffled about things in your life. Steps 1, 2, and 3, my friend.

December15

Having two drinks instead of 10 is like visiting a brothel and paying to view rather than paying to do. You can beat this bud, throw the rest of the bottle away.

dedubya

i like that december- makes sense. good stuff. thanks.

original

D dubya, you're an inspiration to us all!
Thanks for this thread...
I rode my bike about 4 miles, if that, and was incredibly frustrated.
You have definately helped alleviate some of that frustration, and for that, I thank you.

Jayne2

Glad to see you posting! Congrats on what sounds like a great ride!

December15

There's nothing like going for a ride on your motorbike. I'm reading a biography of Evel Knievel, that guy could even fly a bike.

dedubya

thanks man- glad I am able to contribute- now take it up to 5!!!! have a great day.

dedubya

you are right he flew his bike- but broke a few bones in the process! I think he just jumped off of ramps over buses and cars and stuff... but he may have flown- wouldnt surprise me. Crazy guy..
i actually was talking about my bicycle however, got some of those toxins out of the system.
But I love my Harley!!!! Havent ridden it in a couple of weeks I guess...

TryingisDying

Awesome....keep riding!

Toomutch

Nice to see you posting again dub... How are you today?

dedubya

I am good! Hope you are TM.

well my friend (and I mean that)- I will give you a quick overview. I was awake all night (slept 2 or 3 hrs) stressing on my new job (which I am thankful for) that was going to separate me from my family for possibly a year. My daughter was just chosen as captain of the senior cheerleading team at her high school- so I would miss that (which would kill me- figuratively).

chapter two
just got a call an hour ago that a big local company is interested in interviewing me, so I guess the praying all night hopefully had some results (been doing that a lot). Still waiting to hear back...

So....life is still in limbo but looking up, and I am taking care of myself for the most part. Bet you didnt expect all of that did you? Hope you are doing good.
Thanks for asking- Dub