It's just life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
It's just life.
hey SR,
Just a few random thoughts that are at play in the space my mind used to occupy, before I pickled it with lots of booze.
Day 49 today, and I was just thinking I didn't quite know what to expect from not drinking, after so many years in the bottle. I guess I wanted bells and whistles, a big band playing, " D isn't drunk today, ya hoo, let's all celebrate", but when I open my door each morning, it's quiet outside. No band, no banner across my porch, just the birds, sunshine and a new day. That's what we get from not drinking today, just life, but I gotta tell ya it's great not to be hungover. We get a chance to live life like people, not the lying, lowdown animal I became while sucking down every drop of booze I could get hold of. We get to see life firsthand, and not the distorted view we had viewing all of life through the bottom of a beer stein, or shot glass. It's nice to see my car where I parked it last night, nice to see a clean kitchen, nice to have clean clothes to wear, nice to have credit offers in the mail, instead of overdraft notices. Just life, pure, simple and clean. I felt dirty for so long I lost sight of how clean life can be, no more hanging out smoking behind a dingy bar, cigarette butts all over the place, no squinting against the sunlight, I could go on & on, but I think you see the picture. It's just life, and for today, that's just fine with me.
Keep hanging in there and enjoy your day. Oh, least I forget, this one's for you.
Just a few random thoughts that are at play in the space my mind used to occupy, before I pickled it with lots of booze.
Day 49 today, and I was just thinking I didn't quite know what to expect from not drinking, after so many years in the bottle. I guess I wanted bells and whistles, a big band playing, " D isn't drunk today, ya hoo, let's all celebrate", but when I open my door each morning, it's quiet outside. No band, no banner across my porch, just the birds, sunshine and a new day. That's what we get from not drinking today, just life, but I gotta tell ya it's great not to be hungover. We get a chance to live life like people, not the lying, lowdown animal I became while sucking down every drop of booze I could get hold of. We get to see life firsthand, and not the distorted view we had viewing all of life through the bottom of a beer stein, or shot glass. It's nice to see my car where I parked it last night, nice to see a clean kitchen, nice to have clean clothes to wear, nice to have credit offers in the mail, instead of overdraft notices. Just life, pure, simple and clean. I felt dirty for so long I lost sight of how clean life can be, no more hanging out smoking behind a dingy bar, cigarette butts all over the place, no squinting against the sunlight, I could go on & on, but I think you see the picture. It's just life, and for today, that's just fine with me.
Keep hanging in there and enjoy your day. Oh, least I forget, this one's for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
I really understand that feeling. I SOOOO expected something. A congrats. Party. Lots of bells and whistles and streamers.. For my 90 days. From my non-addict friends. I was upset when no one called and congratulated me. I really felt 90 days was a huge achievement for a crackhead. And it still is. But, like, you, I saw life. And yes. It is beautiful. It's so nice not to be hanging out other crackheads (getting that peak at what -I- would look like, in the future if I chose to stay on that stuff). Not worrying about getting caught. Not worrying about what I was going to do now that the money was all gone.. No lying or stealing. And yeah, it's grey out now, but when it's sunny, THE SKY IS SO BEAUTIFUL! The stars are bright at night. Things are so calm and peaceful, most of the time.. Enough to make it soooo worth staying clean.
It's over. I am not free, but I get more free every day. I no longer think it is hopeless and I'll always be stuck in the "gutter".
And best of all, a few of my friends did call and congratulate me, later that day..
It just seems sometimes we feel the need to be recognized. Ya know?
For me, since so many people paid attention to the active addict, I felt that the clean addict should get some too. It's more positive after all. LOL
Thank you for sharing!
It's over. I am not free, but I get more free every day. I no longer think it is hopeless and I'll always be stuck in the "gutter".
And best of all, a few of my friends did call and congratulate me, later that day..
It just seems sometimes we feel the need to be recognized. Ya know?
For me, since so many people paid attention to the active addict, I felt that the clean addict should get some too. It's more positive after all. LOL
Thank you for sharing!
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I still like what my wife said when I hit 90 days.
I was so proud of my accomplishment and kind of expected a bit of fanfare. My wife's response?
"Oh...it's the cats birthday today...go celebrate with him!"
I'm glad that my wife cannot comprehend the significance of milestones and another day sober. She is not an alcoholic. But her acknowledgement comes out in so many other important ways - her love & trust.
And you know? There is just that inner peace of knowing you are doing the right thing. That's more than I could have ever wished for.
I was so proud of my accomplishment and kind of expected a bit of fanfare. My wife's response?
"Oh...it's the cats birthday today...go celebrate with him!"
I'm glad that my wife cannot comprehend the significance of milestones and another day sober. She is not an alcoholic. But her acknowledgement comes out in so many other important ways - her love & trust.
And you know? There is just that inner peace of knowing you are doing the right thing. That's more than I could have ever wished for.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hey Gravity, I'm w/ya, there seems to be a direct correlation between doing the right thing and feeling the right way. If we do the right thing, we get to feel good about doing it. Who'd a thunk it, lol.
jamdls, thanks for the sober party, it was fun, lol. I liked the fireworks too.
CQ and least, thanks a bunch. You folks are helping me appreciate and enjoy the day just for what it is, another chance to be involved with life, instead of watching it from the bar stool. That's a hell of a change.
I've got to take some pictures of these roses in my front yard, they look awesome. Imagine that, a little sunshine, water and dirt, and up comes a spectacular show of life right outside the window.
Okay, break is over, back to work, lol.
jamdls, thanks for the sober party, it was fun, lol. I liked the fireworks too.
CQ and least, thanks a bunch. You folks are helping me appreciate and enjoy the day just for what it is, another chance to be involved with life, instead of watching it from the bar stool. That's a hell of a change.
I've got to take some pictures of these roses in my front yard, they look awesome. Imagine that, a little sunshine, water and dirt, and up comes a spectacular show of life right outside the window.
Okay, break is over, back to work, lol.
Courage to Change...
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Las Vegas NV
Posts: 13
Congrats on 49 days!
Every milestone is something to be grateful for. And you have 49 reasons to be grateful. :ghug3
Every milestone is something to be grateful for. And you have 49 reasons to be grateful. :ghug3
Last edited by LeisaK; 05-08-2009 at 12:02 PM. Reason: html was whacky
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