hopeforsis

Hi All - This is my first post and I'd like to thank you all for making it clear to me that I am not "crazy". I have been dealing with my AS for about 5 years and have finally come to terms with myself that there is nothing left that I can say or do that will make her stop drinking. I just finished the book "Co-Dependent No More" and finally cut the cord by detaching myself from her very sad situation. This happened two weeks ago. She blew it again on Easter and that was the straw that broke my back. I love her very much and I let her know that. I also told her in the same sentence that I am done. Done with all the lies, (unbelievable lies), hurt, embarrassement, sneakiness and every single other characteristic of a full blown alcoholic. She has gone through all the motions of AA and therapy for about 1 year ~ but that's all it is, motions. I can go on and on but I guess right now I really just wanted to get my first post up and I'm sure I will back. That's for listening!!!

sarryan1

Well done on your first post , I am also new to posting to this site. I have found some great support and advice from everyone here . I too have recently read co-dependent no more and have also attended 2 meeting in my town , which has been a big big step for me . This book was just what I needed to see how I too played an important role also in the behaviour of others by en-abling them .

I have started to turn the focus on myself from now on , and try to get myself well. I spent too long not looking ME !


Hope too see you posting here again , its very helpful to know there are others in the same boat.

Wishing you all the best

Sarah:ghug

serenityqueen

hopeforsis

Thanks so much Sarah! It is so comforting to know that we are all in the same boat. It's really hard for others to understand what it's really like when they aren't dealing with an alcoholic, especially someone who we love. I'm soooo glad I found this site. It's people like you that will make it a bit easier for me to take some of the pain away and to move on, without any guilt, with my life. Thanks for your support.

hopeforsis

Judy, Thank you for such a warm welcome. I am looking forward to this great site and getting all the support I can truly use in both good times and sad. I will always remain hopeful for my sis and pray for her everyday that somehow and someway she may one day be free to see the light. Thank you!!!

TakingCharge999

hello hopeforsis!! just extending another welcome to SR. I am very glad you found us!
There is much wisdom and strength in these forums. Have you read the Classic reading and Stickies at the top of the forum?

I thought I was crazy too, that is what alcoholism does... it makes everyone around insane. I am glad YOU live in reality and you sound so determined to move on with your ONE, precious life....

I also pray everyone that suffers sees the light, including us. I am tired of hurting and being hurt myself. I am done with torturing others, being tortured by others and mostly by myself. This "I am done" attitude is all we need to grow day by day and find much joy in our lives.

Only good things will come with such determination, good for you!!!!!

hopeforsis

Hello Dreamer999 - Thanks for your warm welcome!! I am very new to the site and I'm not quite sure where the classic reading and stickies are! I would love to read them also. Just in the few replies that I received from such caring people I really do feel that all the feelings that I have felt deep down have been confirmed by you all. I don't want to seem selfish but guess what? "I am done" being hurt and have finally learned that I refuse to beat myself up over something I can't control. This didn't just happen over night, I have been consumed by all of this for over 5 years. It hasn't been easy, believe me! I let myself get into really bad moods, cry all the time, beat my head against the wall trying to figure all this out and it never got better....just worse! I finally let go.....I'm sure there will be times that I will get upset but I will try real hard to say to myself "it is what it is and I can't change it".

Angelic17

Hello Hopeforsis, and Welcome to SR. You will find so much love and support on this site. We are all struggling with addiction, and it's very supportive when others post here. We are all here to support one another. Alcoholism and Drug addiction not only hurts the addict, but it hurts all of the families too. Keep on posting, you will get alot of positive feed back and support here. Welcome and Keep Coming Back.

ItsmeAlice

Welcome hopeforsis -
I am sorry things have gotten to this point with your sister. Detaching yourself and taking time to understand where you fit into the chaos of addiction is a very healthy first step.
Recovery is a journey worth taking!

Alice

Seren

Hello Hope,
Welcome. My sister is a recovering alcoholic/addict with more than 13 years clean and my future step son is an active crack addict. I hope that someday your sister will find her way. Just remember that there is nothing you can do to bring that about. Hugs and good wishes as you move forward to a peaceful life without the daily drama of active addiction.
Hugs, HG

Spiritual Seeker

welcome from another mom.
Healthy detachment sounds just like what you need for now. That's the beginning of your own recovery.
Keep the faith there are many moms here whose grown kids were low-bottom addicts and now we have stories of sobriety to report.
Please keep posting as our shared journeys help with collective wisdom & strength

sailorjohn

welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

Daisy30

Welcome! glad you are here!!! You are doing great!

I thought I would share some things thathelped me in the beginning:
Reading and learning about the disease (the "Getting Them Sober" books are quick,easy reads)
posting here
going to al-anon

They are at the top of the forum. When you first get on to the Friends and Families page, scroll down slowly and you will see them (they are right above where you post messages)


Keep reading and posting! Many of us have been in similar situations

GiveLove

Hi hopeforsis,

I have/had two alcoholic sisters, so I really know how this feels for you. I'm so glad you're working on detaching from the madness active alcoholism can cause. WELCOME TO SR and I look forward to having you share more with us whenever it's comfortable for you to do so.

:ghug
GL

hopeforsis

Hi HG - It's great to hear a story like yours! I hope your future step son finds his way. Your reinforcement is sooooo helpful. Thanks

hopeforsis

I hope that someday down the road.......I can say the same as you! Thanks.

hopeforsis

Thanks Daisy30! I will try the "Getting them Sober" books. I just finished Co-Dependent No More and that was uplifting for me. It's time for me now!!! Thanks!

hopeforsis

Thanks for your warm welcome. I'm trying real hard to focus on me and, with all your help, I am beginning to! I wish I found this site 5 years ago!!!

dreamstones

hopeforsis,

Welcome to the site, you will find much love and support in learning to live YOUR life with your AS. I too have an AS who, to our knowledge, has been an alcoholic for 10+ years, but I think it has been going on closer to 25 years (basically we thought she was "the party girl"). You are correct; all your love for your sister along with their drinking will drive you crazy if you don't seek the help and support you need to live with this. Have you gone to an Al-Anon meeting yet? If not, I would recommend that, as well as this site and reading as much as you can to understand this disease.

There is always hope that the alcoholic in our life finds their bottom and seeks help to live their live without alcohol, but there is always the flip side as well. For those who seek recovery and learn to live their life day to day without alcohol, there are the others who choose the other path and slowly kill themselves. Whatever direction your sister takes, you will need support to learn how to live with this.

I've found that this site, along with Al-Anon and education helps me avoid the craziness that my sisters drinking has brought to my life. I'm basically re-living this experience, as our Dad was an alcoholic and died at the age of 46. The craziness of then has probably intensified even more with AS, since she is following the same pattern he did and she is only a few years away from the age he was when Dad died, was in intensive care back in February for 10 days where she came close to dying, is a severe diabetic, as well as having severe liver damage. If I didn't have Al-Anon, SoberRecovery, faith in a Higher Power, and detachment with love (at this point), I would be bouncing off the walls of the "Ha Ha Hotel" right now.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sister.

hopeforsis

Dreamstones,

Thanks for your welcoming me to this great supportive site. I totally understand the term "party girl! That's what everyone calls my AS. I have not been to an Al-Anon meeting and each day I am getting closer to trying it out. Funny how some days I'm ok with it, thinking I'm done with her, but on the other hand I am really bothered by it. What triggered me off today was a friend of both me and my AS called to say she received a message from her yesterday (out of the blue) sounding all fine & dandy then proceeds to say that I (ME) ruined Easter by telling everyone that she was drunk!!! Believe me, I didn't have to say a word about her condition that day. You had to be deaf and blind not to know that she was drunk again! So here we go again, she is not talking to family this week. Thursday is her birthday and I swore I wouldn't even send her a card but I did and I really don't think it matters to her! My emotions just go crazy. There is this sister to sister love that I have for her but on the other hand I truly found out what the fine line between love and hate is!

I am very sorry to hear about your dad and sister. I don't ever think my sister will find her bottom. I do remain hopeful but I truly believe she is in a downward spiral and nothing is getting through to her. It's the lies and blaming everything on everyone else that makes me nuts.

There are alot of issues in her life that she just hasn't faced or accepted. She was divorced from her husband with a young son (2 1/2 yrs old at the time) 16 years ago. My nephew is 18 now and hates his mother. She gave him up to live with his father 8 years ago to move in with an ABF who ended up dumping her 2 years ago. Since then it has been downhill.

I'm just thankfull I found this site and an able to vent to you all! I'll be posting again later on today.

Thank you!