I feel like Rip Van Winkle !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Upstate,NY
Posts: 489
I feel like Rip Van Winkle !
Now after 6 months clean my brain is starting to twitch off and on I realize, all the stuff I neglected for 4 1/2 years addicted and half asleep.Little stuff like I never serviced the lawn tractor.The house and yard have slipped . My vehicles aren't as clean and nice as I used to like.My body has gotten out of shape. At work the employees have gotten used to me being apathetic, so their work has slipped. The condition and appearance of our facility and vehicles has gone back wards.My desk and office are a wreck.Now that I'm wanting to straighten things out its quite overwhelming !! I have too much on my plate and I've been busting my ass for weeks and can't seem to get on top of things. I'm running around like a maniac and I can see why I liked the vicodin so much, it numbed me out and let me not handle things and not care.I have major financial obligations and my family and employee's are counting on me to bring them through. I'll do it , but the effects of this addiction never seem to stop rearing their ugly heads!
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Daniel,
I know exactly how you feel. I neglected myself, my family, and my home for so long. I'm now 7 months clean from opiates and cocaine and things are starting to take shape. My family is starting to trust me, I dusted off my treadmill and I'm walking on it every morning, taking vitamins, and my house is organized and clean, my yard is beautiful. Actually, I've become obsessive about cleanliness, but that's o.k. I'd rather be obsessive about that other than obsessing about my pills or running out over and over to buy coke.
I wouldn't trade this new way of life for anything.
Just remember, things may be tough sometimes, but you can deal with it a lot better than you could if you were using. And if you were anything like me....you just wouldn't deal with it at all.
Have a great day!
Penny
I know exactly how you feel. I neglected myself, my family, and my home for so long. I'm now 7 months clean from opiates and cocaine and things are starting to take shape. My family is starting to trust me, I dusted off my treadmill and I'm walking on it every morning, taking vitamins, and my house is organized and clean, my yard is beautiful. Actually, I've become obsessive about cleanliness, but that's o.k. I'd rather be obsessive about that other than obsessing about my pills or running out over and over to buy coke.
I wouldn't trade this new way of life for anything.
Just remember, things may be tough sometimes, but you can deal with it a lot better than you could if you were using. And if you were anything like me....you just wouldn't deal with it at all.
Have a great day!
Penny
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Upstate,NY
Posts: 489
Like I said in another post, these are small problems compared to some.I am also obsessed with order and cleanliness.I just have too damn much to take care of,no matter how hard I work I can't seem to " feel ' on top of things. By most standards I probably already am.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
Originally Posted by vicodaniel 
I'm running around like a maniac and I can see why I liked the vicodin so much, it numbed me out and let me not handle things and not care.I have major financial obligations and my family and employee's are counting on me to bring them through. I'll do it , but the effects of this addiction never seem to stop rearing their ugly heads!
(Just kidding)Please be careful, my friend. There's a lot on your plate. The stress can get out of hand rather quickly and start making the vicodin look good. Remember to pace yourself and to give yourself a break. Everything didn't fall apart in a day. Let it be okay to take your time getting it back together.
Big Idiot Man Child
Join Date: May 2004
Location: La
Posts: 5,664
Yep, you start to realize how foggy your head was. LOL. Don't sweat it too much, mang. Just tackle one thing at a time and you'll do fine. I look back on things I did back then and I just shake my haid and think....WTF ??
You're doing well, Dan.
You're doing well, Dan.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Daniel, when I got clean, I was so far behind, I thought I was first. It took a long time to restore any kind of order to my daily routine, my relationships with my children, my personal hygiene, my health, my wardrobe, my music collection, my computer files, etc. etc. etc. I don't even want to think about the mess I was in financially.
I couldn't make any appreciable progress on the outside until I started to put my insides in order. I really had no idea what was important and what was window dressing. I could spend an afternoon doing my nails because I was embarrassed at how unkempt they were while my kids had no clean underwear. I just didn't know. I seriously had to have someone help me to schedule my day, helping me to figure out how to start chipping away at all my messes and not run myself into the ground at the same time. Turns out my recovery was the number one priority, and so long as I made time for it, I had energy to devote to all kinds of other things. If I didn't take care of my recovery, I'd keep spinning and spinning in that addictive thinking, and nothing on the outside got much better. It all became window dressing.
These days, I still have more on my to-do list than I'll ever accomplish, though I've gotten much better at taking care of the important stuff as it comes up and the other stuff as I can fit it in. I've accomplished a whole lot by just putting one foot in front of the other. So will you as soon as you realize that's the only way any of us get anywhere. One foot in front of the other...
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I couldn't make any appreciable progress on the outside until I started to put my insides in order. I really had no idea what was important and what was window dressing. I could spend an afternoon doing my nails because I was embarrassed at how unkempt they were while my kids had no clean underwear. I just didn't know. I seriously had to have someone help me to schedule my day, helping me to figure out how to start chipping away at all my messes and not run myself into the ground at the same time. Turns out my recovery was the number one priority, and so long as I made time for it, I had energy to devote to all kinds of other things. If I didn't take care of my recovery, I'd keep spinning and spinning in that addictive thinking, and nothing on the outside got much better. It all became window dressing.
These days, I still have more on my to-do list than I'll ever accomplish, though I've gotten much better at taking care of the important stuff as it comes up and the other stuff as I can fit it in. I've accomplished a whole lot by just putting one foot in front of the other. So will you as soon as you realize that's the only way any of us get anywhere. One foot in front of the other...
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Upstate,NY
Posts: 489
Thanks you guys. I'm still stressing. I was one of those people who always got everything done, and still figured out a way to work out for two hours 4 times a week.All my vehicles were clean armoralled all my clothes were in order in closet facing a certain way. I even took t-shirts to the dry cleaners so the black wouldn't fade.I realize I'm older now and really have to work at simplification,I just wonder how I was able to do it.
TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
Rip Van Winkle Syndrome! I love the description.
VicoDaniel, I can identify all too well with your first post, and I wanted to thank you for writing it because it made me feel a little bit less alone in this. I'm 49 days clean today, and not only am I seeing how many things I let go as a conscious objector to life on life's terms through my drug use, but I'm beginning to see all of the things around me that need to be put back to the high standards I want (and used) to hold them to. Our home, our business, my once beautiful office that seems to have taken on the aspect of a storage space, walls to repaint, a floor to refinish, the car, my beauty regime, doctors appointments, work to finish, another house to restore, knickknacks to have fixed, friends with whom I've lost contact, places to go, people to see... If you look at all of it at once, it can feel completely overwhelming.
I have put a strategy in place that is really helping to keep me calm. First of all, easy does it. Staying clean is priority number one, and this is a time of rewards. It's a time to be grateful for everything we still have. Next, when we talk about recovery, it's one day at a time. I have survived by knowing that I could handle the minute in front of me. For everything that I want to do, it's one thing at a time, one step at a time. Baby steps.
All we need is to give it time. It's still so early! Just weeks (or months) ago, we were in a completely different state. The changes that come through getting clean are nothing short of miraculous.
Just about all of us have stopped spending an enormous amount of money on drugs. Sometimes it's good if we can put at least a little bit of that into making the rebuilding of our lives a little easier. No doubt we can do this on our own. Still, do you know what I think would be the best solution for those who might be able to afford it? A personal assistant. Even part-time. I don't have one now because I don't think I'm even up to the responsibility of maintaining one, LOL. Still, I imagine him or her. What would I have him or her do for me today? Can I get it done today? If not, what would I need to do to get it done? We have lined up a house cleaner who can help on an as needed basis. Soon we should be calling in a dog trainer for our pup's separation anxiety so that I can leave him home when I need to get things done. Whatever it is. Just the thought of these things make me feel more free to start getting my life back in order. If you can afford any help for some of what needs doing, no matter how little or how big, it could help to take some of that weight off of your shoulders.
We have our dreams ahead of us and so many incredible things to look forward to. The dust will be blown to the wind as we keep going down the right road. Have faith, keep patient and give it time.
The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time. - Abraham Lincoln
P.S. Sugah, your post was very meaningful. Thank you for sharing it.
VicoDaniel, I can identify all too well with your first post, and I wanted to thank you for writing it because it made me feel a little bit less alone in this. I'm 49 days clean today, and not only am I seeing how many things I let go as a conscious objector to life on life's terms through my drug use, but I'm beginning to see all of the things around me that need to be put back to the high standards I want (and used) to hold them to. Our home, our business, my once beautiful office that seems to have taken on the aspect of a storage space, walls to repaint, a floor to refinish, the car, my beauty regime, doctors appointments, work to finish, another house to restore, knickknacks to have fixed, friends with whom I've lost contact, places to go, people to see... If you look at all of it at once, it can feel completely overwhelming.
I have put a strategy in place that is really helping to keep me calm. First of all, easy does it. Staying clean is priority number one, and this is a time of rewards. It's a time to be grateful for everything we still have. Next, when we talk about recovery, it's one day at a time. I have survived by knowing that I could handle the minute in front of me. For everything that I want to do, it's one thing at a time, one step at a time. Baby steps.
All we need is to give it time. It's still so early! Just weeks (or months) ago, we were in a completely different state. The changes that come through getting clean are nothing short of miraculous.
Just about all of us have stopped spending an enormous amount of money on drugs. Sometimes it's good if we can put at least a little bit of that into making the rebuilding of our lives a little easier. No doubt we can do this on our own. Still, do you know what I think would be the best solution for those who might be able to afford it? A personal assistant. Even part-time. I don't have one now because I don't think I'm even up to the responsibility of maintaining one, LOL. Still, I imagine him or her. What would I have him or her do for me today? Can I get it done today? If not, what would I need to do to get it done? We have lined up a house cleaner who can help on an as needed basis. Soon we should be calling in a dog trainer for our pup's separation anxiety so that I can leave him home when I need to get things done. Whatever it is. Just the thought of these things make me feel more free to start getting my life back in order. If you can afford any help for some of what needs doing, no matter how little or how big, it could help to take some of that weight off of your shoulders.
We have our dreams ahead of us and so many incredible things to look forward to. The dust will be blown to the wind as we keep going down the right road. Have faith, keep patient and give it time.
The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time. - Abraham Lincoln
P.S. Sugah, your post was very meaningful. Thank you for sharing it.
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