Hanging out with friends you used to drink with
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 86
Hanging out with friends you used to drink with
I haven't seen any of my friends since I stopped drinking,they don't even know that I have stopped drinking alcohol . I was suppose to go out with them 2 weekends ago but decided not too . I was too unwell and I didn't want to hang out with them drinking and partying and stuff like that. last weekend my friend left a message wanting me to come over for drinks. I didn't return his phonecall because I am still not ready to see them yet. I'm struggling with my own inner demons. I know they are probably annoyed with me and think I am being unsocialable but I just can't handle seeing them at the moment is that wrong of me to do that. Anyone else in a similiar situation.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by maz09 
is that wrong of me to do that.
Anyone else in a similiar situation.
We are all, have been, in that situation.
Good for you to make good decisions!
Mark
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Not wrong at all....you are doing what you know
is in your best interest.
All my friends were excessive drinkers
I felt alone with my sobriety.
That's when my new AA friends were helpful.
We did all sorts of things outside of meetings.
We all had a sober blast together....
Good to see you again...
is in your best interest.
All my friends were excessive drinkers
I felt alone with my sobriety.
That's when my new AA friends were helpful.
We did all sorts of things outside of meetings.
We all had a sober blast together....
Good to see you again...
Journey of Recovery
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 621
My best friend is a drinker and she knows I have quit. Her and I have not seen each other in the 2 mos. since I have quit. Personally I think that is quite
pathetic but I am not going to bars to see her. We live right around the corner from each other. It has made me question our friendship. I can understand
where you are coming from. It is hard when most of your relationship is based on drinking. Personally, I'd rather be alone and work on getting new friends.
I kinda like the new me!
pathetic but I am not going to bars to see her. We live right around the corner from each other. It has made me question our friendship. I can understand
where you are coming from. It is hard when most of your relationship is based on drinking. Personally, I'd rather be alone and work on getting new friends.
I kinda like the new me!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Maz I found in sobriety that there are 2 types of friends:
1. Drinking buddies, these are a dime a dozen, any time I needed a drinking buddy all I had to do was go drinking, heck I can get drinking buddies any time I want to, go to a bar and buy a round, as long as I am buying I have drinking buddies!
2. I had no friends left when I quit drinking, I had succeeded in driving off every real freind I had because I had become a drinking buddy and wanted nothing to do with them since they were not drinking. Today I do have real freinds, sober friends, people who really care about me for me and not for a drink that may be available for them. The vast majority of my friends today do not drink at all, the love of my life does though, she never drinks around me, as a matter of fact she only drinks now when the moon is blue.
1. Drinking buddies, these are a dime a dozen, any time I needed a drinking buddy all I had to do was go drinking, heck I can get drinking buddies any time I want to, go to a bar and buy a round, as long as I am buying I have drinking buddies!
2. I had no friends left when I quit drinking, I had succeeded in driving off every real freind I had because I had become a drinking buddy and wanted nothing to do with them since they were not drinking. Today I do have real freinds, sober friends, people who really care about me for me and not for a drink that may be available for them. The vast majority of my friends today do not drink at all, the love of my life does though, she never drinks around me, as a matter of fact she only drinks now when the moon is blue.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
I've only been sober for three months.
For the first two weeks, I did not feel comfortable attending any social engagements or parties, so I abstained. When I started up again, I did so carefully and with a great deal of apprehension. I found to my relief that I was able to do so comfortably without worry.
As for my friends, most were understanding and very supportive. Almost all of course knew about my decision to stop drinking, the reasons, and that I had also joined AA. It's now a given that when an order goes around the table, mine will be for something non-alcoholic.
One close friend confessed he felt a little hesitant about drinking in front of me. He was afraid that doing so might trigger a temptation or relapse. I had to assure him that my decision not to drink was much stronger than he assumed, but that I appreciated his concern for me.
Another friend with whom I used to have my heaviest drinking nights out with, simply chose not to drink as he himself did not feel like it. I suspect that we were both co-enablers to each other's heavy drinking and that my sobriety was having a "sobering" effect on him as well. We meet less frequently, but when we do, we have meaningful conversations instead of long one-nighters from Hell.
For the first two weeks, I did not feel comfortable attending any social engagements or parties, so I abstained. When I started up again, I did so carefully and with a great deal of apprehension. I found to my relief that I was able to do so comfortably without worry.
As for my friends, most were understanding and very supportive. Almost all of course knew about my decision to stop drinking, the reasons, and that I had also joined AA. It's now a given that when an order goes around the table, mine will be for something non-alcoholic.
One close friend confessed he felt a little hesitant about drinking in front of me. He was afraid that doing so might trigger a temptation or relapse. I had to assure him that my decision not to drink was much stronger than he assumed, but that I appreciated his concern for me.
Another friend with whom I used to have my heaviest drinking nights out with, simply chose not to drink as he himself did not feel like it. I suspect that we were both co-enablers to each other's heavy drinking and that my sobriety was having a "sobering" effect on him as well. We meet less frequently, but when we do, we have meaningful conversations instead of long one-nighters from Hell.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I had to completely change, as they say..my 'playmates and playgrounds'.. no more drinking buddies, no more bars. I don't drink, there's no need. Sadly not many of my drinking buddies were friends..actually none of them were now that I think of it. I have had a great time rediscovering friendships I had pushed aside for drinking, and making new friends. I don't hang out with drinkers, it's just not part of my life. Rough change, but necessary for my sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: edmonton, alberta
Posts: 88
Hi Maz,
I can relate to this. I'm having the same feelings right now. I know that if these people are my true friends, my not drinking should not be a problem. However, I still can't seem to get over my hurt feelings from people whom I thought were more than just drinking buddies with me. I am not about to jeopardize my sobriety to recapture these "friendships". I agree with Flutter on this totally and my "playground and playmates" have to change.
Keep coming back!
I can relate to this. I'm having the same feelings right now. I know that if these people are my true friends, my not drinking should not be a problem. However, I still can't seem to get over my hurt feelings from people whom I thought were more than just drinking buddies with me. I am not about to jeopardize my sobriety to recapture these "friendships". I agree with Flutter on this totally and my "playground and playmates" have to change.
Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: San Rafael CA
Posts: 36
Sadly I think this is something that touches all of us and it was scary for me to tell my drinking friends that I didn't drink any more. I knew in my heart when I told them if they came back not understanding I had to be done with them. Say LATER forever. Luckily for me they were all supportive and when we are in those Party situations they all look out for me and also didn't judge me when I slipped but told me I needed to get back on the horse. Hopefully there are people in your life that step up to the plate and become real friends not just drinking buddies. I know all of us will find either old friends who understand or new friends that don't expect that "party person" it's just kind of a leap of faith! Good luck and don't let "drinking friends" jeopardize your sobriety. If they don't understand they aren't worth it!!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,785
Do what you need to do to stay sober. As was already said, those who matter, don't mind, and those who mind, don't matter. True friends will support you and look out for you. All the rest will just fade away.
When I stopped drinking I had to become my own 'best friend' since all my drinking was done at home alone. So I had to learn to trust myself and not sabotage my sobriety. Hard to do at first, but I'm getting better at it.
Take good care of YOU cause you're the one you'll always wake up with.
When I stopped drinking I had to become my own 'best friend' since all my drinking was done at home alone. So I had to learn to trust myself and not sabotage my sobriety. Hard to do at first, but I'm getting better at it.
Take good care of YOU cause you're the one you'll always wake up with.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 100
An associate called me and asked me out for a couple of drinks during therapy yesterday, to which I replied "I don't drink", I then said "You want to do something else?" to which he replied, "errr no man, it's ok"...
No big deal, he wasn't a friend anyway.
The passenger in my car at the time of my DUI, is now COMPLETELY ignoring me.
I think he had a case of "I'm only here for the beer"
Frankly, I have met more genuine people in AA, than the rest of my life combined. My partner is an absolute godsend, and I love her unconditionally, and my parents are a huge help, and always have been.
Drinking friends are just what the name implies, they are friends when you are FUN, but as soon as you are in trouble, they flee the scene. You don't need them, and are better off without them. Plus they will only ENCOURAGE you to drink and do STUPID things.
You can have thousands of aquaintances, but you'll find that true friends (the ones who CARE) are few and far between. Hang on to those ones- they're invaluable.
To the drinking friends, you are just a dollar sign that can be traded in for alcohol.
They don't care-
No matter HOW long they have allegedly been your friend.
I hope it all works out for you and well done on your recovery!
No big deal, he wasn't a friend anyway.
The passenger in my car at the time of my DUI, is now COMPLETELY ignoring me.
I think he had a case of "I'm only here for the beer"
Frankly, I have met more genuine people in AA, than the rest of my life combined. My partner is an absolute godsend, and I love her unconditionally, and my parents are a huge help, and always have been.
Drinking friends are just what the name implies, they are friends when you are FUN, but as soon as you are in trouble, they flee the scene. You don't need them, and are better off without them. Plus they will only ENCOURAGE you to drink and do STUPID things.
You can have thousands of aquaintances, but you'll find that true friends (the ones who CARE) are few and far between. Hang on to those ones- they're invaluable.
To the drinking friends, you are just a dollar sign that can be traded in for alcohol.
They don't care-
No matter HOW long they have allegedly been your friend.
I hope it all works out for you and well done on your recovery!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by north
Another friend with whom I used to have my heaviest drinking nights out with, simply chose not to drink as he himself did not feel like it. I suspect that we were both co-enablers to each other's heavy drinking and that my sobriety was having a "sobering" effect on him as well. We meet less frequently, but when we do, we have meaningful conversations instead of long one-nighters from Hell.
Basically, whenever you make any kind of big change in your life, especially one as important as this one, you find out who your true friends are and will be surprised by the ones who stay/come as well as the ones who go. It bites losing some people in your life, but it's for the better.. you have to have that courage to change those things you can.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 367
I gave up all my bar friends ten years ago, when I quit going to the bar. Fair weather friends, all of them.
It was too expensive (and embarrassing) for the amount I wanted to drink, to do it in a bar.
So I confined my drinking to store bought beer and liquor and basically drank at home. Every day.
I've found all my true personal friends (people I've known for years), don't really give a rat's ass if I don't drink and they are actually quite impressed and supportive for the most part.
I'm still very leery about situations which could trigger me off though.
It was too expensive (and embarrassing) for the amount I wanted to drink, to do it in a bar.
So I confined my drinking to store bought beer and liquor and basically drank at home. Every day.
I've found all my true personal friends (people I've known for years), don't really give a rat's ass if I don't drink and they are actually quite impressed and supportive for the most part.
I'm still very leery about situations which could trigger me off though.
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