katie53

Just got a call from daughter. She wants to move back after 5 weeks as her roommate is using crack. She never was clean as she informed me she was. I understand her wanting to get away from it as she has been clean ( i think) for the last4 months after her release from jail She has a felony charge from 8 months ago so finding a job here will be difficult. She does not want to stay in Madison as she doesn,t know anyone and has no transportation of her own.
Personally, I don,t think she will ever be ncontent to live alone. She is 34 and has always had to have someone around. Just can't be content by herself. As I mentioned before she may be clean but many of her choices are the same. She still hangs with people from her past that are alcoholics or weed smokers. No one not using something or other. I heard that stopping the use is only 5% of the problem. I am convinced. She went through a 90 day treatment a year ago but used 3 weeks after she got out. she still says the 6 months in jail did it for her, but she does not go to meetings or network with any one who recovered. I don,st feel comfortable about letting her live home, but I may have to as where else would she go? Her 14 yr. old is here and I know she would worry about her or be angry at me for not helping mom.

Impurrfect

(((Katie)))

I know you've been going through this for a while, with her. If I remember, correctly, you tried to encourage her to think this through, about moving in the first place, but she insisted. Now she wants to come back.

If I had any reservations about letting her come back, I wouldn't do it, grandaughter or not. You've mentioned how things are strained between you and your grandaughter when she is there, and that doesn't help the 14-year-old at all.

Yes, finding a job with a felony on your record is hard, but it's possible...I have one (a job and a felony on my record). If she does move home, I would seriously consider giving her a time limit on finding a job or finding somewhere else to go. I also recommend having her pay rent. I live at home, but pay rent and it makes me feel like I'm not taking my family for granted.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

katie53

Thanks Amy I always appreciate the support. My biigest fret is I know she is talking with her 2 yr. olds dad again{I also have guardianship of her) He is the man that was in her life for 4 yrs. of crack use. They started talking again about 3 months ago and that's when he decided he want s to see his daughter again. It had been 9 months that he had no contact with her and saw her only about 1 hour from 8 months to 1 and a half yrs. old. They were busy with their life during that time. He is still drinking and as far I know smoking weed. She claims she is just a friend of his now. I have a nagging feeling he has something to do with her choice to ;move back. As long as she associates with him I feel trapped that I have to put up with him because of his calling to see Livi. It's a game. He pays no support as I did not order it when I took guardianship. I wanted nothing to do with him as he has stolen from me, lied, and caused alot of negative drama for to many yrs. Maybe I should go for c.s. and also drug testing before he is allowed in my home. I don't know if I have that right to insist on testing.

marle

If the reason she wants to move back is because of her ex, then let her figure it out. She does not have to move in with you unless you give her permission to. She has other options. Don't let her guilt you into moving back with you. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Protect yourself and the children. If she wants to move back badly enough, she will find a way. Maybe live with the ex. Hugs, Marle

Freedom1990

Take it from a mother who let her oldest AD (also with a felony record) move in temporarily after a lengthy incarceration-it was one of the worst decisions I ever made.

She turned my household upside down in less than a month, and I kicked her to the curb.

You now know she's been using. She still hangs with the wrong people. How many more red flags do you need?

Those children have stability in your home. Please continue to keep them safe.

Everything your AD is experiencing is a direct result of her addictions/choices. Let her live with the consequences.

Just my two cents.

katie53

All I need is a dose of all of you on this site and I feel sooooo much better. She already called and told me that maybe it wouldn,t be a good idea to move home. I told her 1 month and she would have to find other options for herself. My gut tells me she came back for other reasons other than a using roomie as that has been going on from the start. On Sat. she told me how much she loved the area and her job and whe would never want to live back here, within 24 hrs it was a 100 degree turn around. She had quit her job and said she was coming back. HE called after and said she asked him to come and get her, she denies that. I need to get to a meeting tonite and work on getting my SERENITY. Thanks so much to all of you