christin1225

Hopefully this is an acceptable topic for this forum.

It seems that I don't dream anymore unless I'm experiencing some amount of withdrawal. It was the same when I was on the oxys and I find that it's happening as I'm experiencing some withdrawal symptoms while tapering my Sub dose. (An unusually emotional traumatic event can also trigger a dream.)

I'm not talking about drug dreams (I've heard that they are a backdoor for our craving, an explanation that I find to be very good). What I'm talking about in this post are dreams that (at least to me) seem to contain a lot of symbolism. They evoke a lot of emotion (mostly fear and heartache for me). Maybe that's why I think that they must serve some other purpose. The event in the dream comes across as being only secondary to the feelings that the events elicit during and after the dream.

Yesterday, I was particularly sick from my tapering and I also had a bit of an emotional evening. I dreamed that my twenty-year old was practically strangling me as he shoved a jar of Oil of Olay in my face, angry with me because, after he had spread a ton of it on his face and neck, I told him that he had been wasteful and that I wanted to show him how to use it properly. He wrestle-grabbed me around the neck and said, "I'll show you what the proper way to use it is." I could smell the lotion in my sleep as my son held me around the neck and angrily squeezed the bottle, squirting the lotion in my face and up my nose. When I woke, the pain of having experienced such hostility from my own child was so unbearable that the tears immediately poured down my face. A couple times, I've awakened my husband while I'm in the midst of having such a dream because I will have begun to cry while still asleep.

Before the drugs, I would have emotionally charged dreams maybe once every two or three years. Now, it seems that they come as part of the withdrawal package.

Anyone else ever experience anything like this? I'm not looking for an interpretations , just company.

MRPHREEZ

christian i do agree with you as well i dont dream anymore since ive been on the sub........those dreams your having are "deep" update me im interested in seeing if you dream anymore!~ sthe cream he was shoving in your face.....did that really happen or was it all "make belive" what im saying is maybe that is what was on your mind?

christin1225

Tony,
All imagined. One of my most recent dreams before this (again, in reaction to a recent tapering and having withdrawal symptoms), I was in a room and my sponsor and her black dog were on a couch (I have never met my sponsor in person and don't think that she has a dog). My sponsor called me over and I knelt in front of the couch. The dog came over and took my right hand into its mouth. I thought that the dog was playing unusually rough, but then it wouldn't let go. It kept biting down harder and harder. The pain was so real that I eventually woke myself crying in pain.

My sponsor watched at first, thinking that I could get myself free. As soon as I feared that the dog might take off my hand, my sponsor tried to make her dog release, but I could see in her eyes that she was becoming fearful, uncertain of why her dog wasn't obeying as he should. Other than that, the only significant thing in the room was a window behind the couch, through which I could see only darkness. I awoke full of anxiety and fear. It takes a while for the feelings to leave me.

I simply don't have these types of dreams at any other time.

JustAYak

Yup, definitley have Chrisitin.
Part of it coulda been just from the drugs I was using, but withdrawl off of speed sent you into vivid dreams full of paranoia, none of it had to do with drugs those never popped up in my dreams, it was always something to do with someone trying to kill me or me trying to kill myself. I still think it's the drugs talking though, the withdrawl triggers the dreams which make you end up with uneasy feelings which is supposed to make you go use drugs so you can get that feeling of security again..

change4penny

Christin
Wow, honey. I'm sorry that you're having bad dreams. I have some crazy ones myself.
My husband says I grind my teeth really bad. I also have 'night terrors" where I scream out a lot.
Good luck and have sweet dreams,

Penny

christin1225

I don't know exactly why, but it seems that, at least to some degree, that makes a lot of sense.

Timebuster

I did a gut wrenching 4th step. On the 9th step I made my amends, now I don’t have those dreams anymore.

Ivan

Sugah

I don't think I have ever dreamed as vividly as I did in the first six months of recovery. I suppose I had what's collectively termed "PAWS" -- a syndrome about which I am purposefully undereducated -- though at the time, I wrote it off as the expected damage resulting from years of addiction.

I do believe that we know and experience things below and above the level of human consciousness and that those things come out in our dreams. In my view of it, and likely supported in some philosophical school of thought (for which I'm too lazy right now to hunt down), addiction lies below, spirituality above. I guess Freud's id, ego, superego theories would fit the bill. Until we can get far enough along the path to bring those opposing forces into the light of conscious examination, they're going to fight it out while we sleep. Which seems to be what was happening to me in that first six months or so -- what still happens these days to an extent.

I never really considered it, but Ivan's experience goes along with my own. Those dreams greatly decreased once I got through the initial housecleaning. These days, if they appear again, I either need to spend some more concentrated effort on a 10th step--or watch what I eat right before I go to sleep.

Peace & Love,
Sugah ~Who has a crazy border collie who will bite a moving car, but never, so far, a human being.

Shellslove

I think Jason's got an interesting idea about the dreams here.

As I go through tapering w/d (which I know my 'addict twin' understands ) I have dreams that evoke alot of anxiety and play on my weird ocd fears (I've had ongoing panic attacks which come on from what I call 'sensory overload') - intricate patterns, lots of bugs in one spot or alot of dark objects together in a tight area that make sort of a pattern - it's hard to explain but I've had my worst panic attacks ever from these things - well before the opiate addiction. The numbness of the opiates actually took these anxieties away. Now that I'm tapering the subutex, which seemed to keep the ocd anxiety at bay, these things are in my dreams almost nightly - I wake up sweating, screaming, crying. I've also dreamed, as you mentioned, of familiar scents. There's one that makes me ill and creeps me out - but I have no idea where it comes from - it's been in my dreams alot lately, and is mixed into scary situations.

Anyways, when i wake up from these dreams, I'm def in trigger-mode - makes me want to use to have that numbness again - which would take away the anxiety temporarily -- but I know using would lead to inevitable disaster. I haven't acted on this desire or the triggers, but it is difficult. I just remind myself these are dreams - maybe my addiction trying to sabotage me when I'm sleeping and 'off my guard' - but i won't let it =)

Stagebear

A) I undoubtedly flucked up my brain when I used drugs.
B) My brain generates my dreams.
So, it stands to reason, that
C) as I heal, my brain might do wacky things both awake and asleep.

It also stands to reason that my sleep patterns, which determine whether I remember my dreams or not, is going to modify itself as I heal. I may be having all kinds of dreams I simply don't remember based on what portion of the sleep pattern I am in when the alarm goes off in the morning.

I had a lousy dream last night, so vivid I awoke and had to reassure myself my partner was still there. It happens...