good things CAN happen...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: littleton, Colorado
Posts: 146
good things CAN happen...
For those of you that have followed a few of my threads regarding dry drunk behavior of my husband, I finally can offer some hope. Of course, there is no cure for A's, but I know that there isn't a cure for some of my ills either. All I can do is continue to change and grow myself.
After much consideration of what to do about AH's financial faux pas (or fu's!) I decided I had two options to propose to him. The first was to complete separate finances and I had told him that this would be an option if things continued to go down that road. The other option took more thought on my part. I bring financial logic, if you will, to the table in the marriage but not other strengths that he certainly complements me on. I proposed instead of his paycheck going into his account; that we deposit it into the joint account where all of the bills are paid so I can pay ALL of the bills without wondering if he is paying on time, etc. He still has to be accountable for his account, but he will get a fixed amount of money-without having to pay bills out of it.
He liked the idea-and I broke down in tears. He didn't understand why? I said it has been SO hard...and he said he knew and he needs to take care of things and stop his pattern and be responsible. He also agreed to do 4 days a week of counseling instead of two.
Moral of the story ? I dont' really have one...except that it certainly takes compromise to stay in a relationship regardless of what issues are at stake. I hope it works and because he didn't make any big promises, I have no huge expectations. The things I agreed to do-I do anyway. The small changes he has to make he would have had to do anyways...
We are now working on healing.
After much consideration of what to do about AH's financial faux pas (or fu's!) I decided I had two options to propose to him. The first was to complete separate finances and I had told him that this would be an option if things continued to go down that road. The other option took more thought on my part. I bring financial logic, if you will, to the table in the marriage but not other strengths that he certainly complements me on. I proposed instead of his paycheck going into his account; that we deposit it into the joint account where all of the bills are paid so I can pay ALL of the bills without wondering if he is paying on time, etc. He still has to be accountable for his account, but he will get a fixed amount of money-without having to pay bills out of it.
He liked the idea-and I broke down in tears. He didn't understand why? I said it has been SO hard...and he said he knew and he needs to take care of things and stop his pattern and be responsible. He also agreed to do 4 days a week of counseling instead of two.
Moral of the story ? I dont' really have one...except that it certainly takes compromise to stay in a relationship regardless of what issues are at stake. I hope it works and because he didn't make any big promises, I have no huge expectations. The things I agreed to do-I do anyway. The small changes he has to make he would have had to do anyways...
We are now working on healing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 37
Good for you.....
It took me awhile, but I'm in the midst of separating our finances as well. I think it's really important to do that, you don't need financial aggravation piled on top of all the other problems you face.
It took me awhile, but I'm in the midst of separating our finances as well. I think it's really important to do that, you don't need financial aggravation piled on top of all the other problems you face.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Africa
Posts: 65
After seeing some of the accounts for running tabs my AH had at several "establishments" around town, I separated our finances at the beginning of the year and for the first time in over a decade I have saved some money!! In just three months!!! I feel so relieved to know exactly what my financial position is - it has been liberating!
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