View Poll Results: Your SO's Drinking
SO never drinks, never did.
6
17.14%
SO is a recovering alcoholic
3
8.57%
SO drinks occasionally but not at home
6
17.14%
SO drinks occasionally in the home
10
28.57%
SO drinks daily in the home, but not more than one or two
4
11.43%
SO is an active alcoholic
6
17.14%
Voters: 35. You may not vote on this poll
Your SO's drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Your SO's drinking.
Hi,
When I first came to SR, I was struggling with many early recovery issues. One was how I could reconcile that my wife had one tall white wine spritzer every night. I have reconciled it, mostly, but I had to come to my own terms with it, with the help of SR, AA and, mostly, my sponsor. I found the responses to my questions then, here at SR to be very thoughtful and helpful. Certainly everybody's experience and feelings in this area are different...
I'd like to do more than one survey. The first is the one your reading! This is for recovering alcoholics who has an SO... spouse, life partner, best friend... The survey is hopefully self explanatory. Note, this survey is about "what is"... reality... not how you may feel about it... that survey next, assuming I don't get flamed for this one. Suggestions for part two welcomed!!
Mark
When I first came to SR, I was struggling with many early recovery issues. One was how I could reconcile that my wife had one tall white wine spritzer every night. I have reconciled it, mostly, but I had to come to my own terms with it, with the help of SR, AA and, mostly, my sponsor. I found the responses to my questions then, here at SR to be very thoughtful and helpful. Certainly everybody's experience and feelings in this area are different...
I'd like to do more than one survey. The first is the one your reading! This is for recovering alcoholics who has an SO... spouse, life partner, best friend... The survey is hopefully self explanatory. Note, this survey is about "what is"... reality... not how you may feel about it... that survey next, assuming I don't get flamed for this one. Suggestions for part two welcomed!!
Mark
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
I don't understand why you would get flamed for this thread? How we have to live with those people in out lives and their alcohol patterns is important.
For the first 6 months or so of my sobriety, SO was active alcoholic. SO has since quit, also. I hope SO stays sober, but no matter what, I WILL stay sober.
Cubile, I remember your early posts now....with your wife and her 'tall' spritzer.
I"m glad to see you are still doing well.
Bring on the next poll, this one wasn't controversial enough!
For the first 6 months or so of my sobriety, SO was active alcoholic. SO has since quit, also. I hope SO stays sober, but no matter what, I WILL stay sober.
Cubile, I remember your early posts now....with your wife and her 'tall' spritzer.
I"m glad to see you are still doing well. Bring on the next poll, this one wasn't controversial enough!
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Hmmm... I have no problem with ths survey.... see no controversy....
but
my husband drinks 3-8 beers a night. But only about 3-4 days a week....
I guess that puts him in the "drinks occassionally in the home" category. But it doesn't seem quite right. He doesn't drink every night. But he almost always has more than 1 or 2 when he does drink.....
I wouldn't call him an alcoholic. But I'm not crazy about his drinking.
I guess this illustrates how hard it is to evaluate other people's drinking.
but
my husband drinks 3-8 beers a night. But only about 3-4 days a week....
I guess that puts him in the "drinks occassionally in the home" category. But it doesn't seem quite right. He doesn't drink every night. But he almost always has more than 1 or 2 when he does drink.....
I wouldn't call him an alcoholic. But I'm not crazy about his drinking.
I guess this illustrates how hard it is to evaluate other people's drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Coffeenut - thanx.
The next one. I hope, will look at how we as recovering alcoholics feel about our partner's drinking (or non-drinking as the case may be...) and/or what, if any, effect it has on our recovery. Maybe that will provoke some, I hope, constructive and honest exploration of this subject...
Mark
The next one. I hope, will look at how we as recovering alcoholics feel about our partner's drinking (or non-drinking as the case may be...) and/or what, if any, effect it has on our recovery. Maybe that will provoke some, I hope, constructive and honest exploration of this subject...
Mark
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
I need to figure out how to use the 'quote' button!
mle...a question for you....do you feel differently about your husband on the days he doesn't drink? Or, is it not even an issue? I do NOT mean to offend, just wondering if anyone else felt/feels the same way I did.
mle...a question for you....do you feel differently about your husband on the days he doesn't drink? Or, is it not even an issue? I do NOT mean to offend, just wondering if anyone else felt/feels the same way I did.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Central, La.
Posts: 422
((Cubile75))
You have a great idea. One statement you may want to add. SO used to drink/whatever nonaddictively and stopped due to not enjoying it much anyway. No real use for it. That sums up my SO. Keep it coming!
You have a great idea. One statement you may want to add. SO used to drink/whatever nonaddictively and stopped due to not enjoying it much anyway. No real use for it. That sums up my SO. Keep it coming!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
As of this post... 93 views but only 13 votes. I set this up so that if you respond, the user's name will not be shown... don't be shy!!
Also, read some of the posts above, It was hard to get all the possibilities in the max of 6 questions... for the sake of this poll... if your SO drinks frequently in the home, check the daily option... when I post the results and some thoughts, I will explain that. Also, if your SO quit drinking, but is not "recovering", either check never drinks or occasionally outside of home.
Thanx and keep those comments coming!
Also, read some of the posts above, It was hard to get all the possibilities in the max of 6 questions... for the sake of this poll... if your SO drinks frequently in the home, check the daily option... when I post the results and some thoughts, I will explain that. Also, if your SO quit drinking, but is not "recovering", either check never drinks or occasionally outside of home.
Thanx and keep those comments coming!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, N.Y.
Posts: 4,639
Actually for me none of these apply.
My husband use to drink with me. I am now 14 months sober and he is too. But he's not an alcoholic. He now goes to Al-anon and quit drinking himself to support me.
My husband use to drink with me. I am now 14 months sober and he is too. But he's not an alcoholic. He now goes to Al-anon and quit drinking himself to support me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I wish I had thought of putting something in there about that... Yours is a common response... How about checking "never drinks" or doesn't drink at home... and I will account for that when I summarize the results... THANX!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
OK - So if SO dosen't drink now, either never did or quit drinking when you went into recovery - check the first response... if you like and don't mind being "seen" just post a response clarifying your answer IF you check that response with an SO who quit when you did and I'll sort it out later... good thing this isn't some government study, uh??
Thanx everyone... Survey runs for 3 days, and if it quiets down I'll bump it if it falls too low, so I hope I don't get too obnoxious...
And, I'm getting some great ideas for the 2nd part, keep 'em coming!
Mark
Thanx everyone... Survey runs for 3 days, and if it quiets down I'll bump it if it falls too low, so I hope I don't get too obnoxious...
And, I'm getting some great ideas for the 2nd part, keep 'em coming!
Mark
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I put my vote in. He drinks about once a week, never in the house, that's a deal we have. He quit smoking several years ago, I haven't smoked around him since. Course, I just quit smoking tho too.. but for other reasons lol.. He has no pressing need to drink here or around me, soo... that's my vote, occasionally away from home
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
Mark,my wife does take a drink every so often in the house.
She pours her a drink of liquor,downs it pretty quickly,pours another,drinks a little, and lets it sit until it get Grey hair and pours it out.Rare she finishes the second drink.
now we would drink the second and then we would be ready to pour it on...but her,as soon as she feels it,thats it,had enough...As soon as we feel it,time to drink!She is the exact opposite of us alcoholics.
i still do not like the smell......yuk!
She pours her a drink of liquor,downs it pretty quickly,pours another,drinks a little, and lets it sit until it get Grey hair and pours it out.Rare she finishes the second drink.
now we would drink the second and then we would be ready to pour it on...but her,as soon as she feels it,thats it,had enough...As soon as we feel it,time to drink!She is the exact opposite of us alcoholics.
i still do not like the smell......yuk!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
bballdad...
you know, i see it exactly the same way you do.. as soon as we feel it... time to drink!! reminding myself of that is a big tool in my tool box when my wife pours her drink... helps to know I'm not alone! thanx!
Mark
you know, i see it exactly the same way you do.. as soon as we feel it... time to drink!! reminding myself of that is a big tool in my tool box when my wife pours her drink... helps to know I'm not alone! thanx!
Mark
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I did break up with my still drinking lover of 5 years
to protect my fragile sobriety.
He supported my efforts...did not bring alcohol to my place
quickly brushed his teeth and showered when he came over
However
the stench of beer lingered on...he smelled rancid.
I discovered my new goals and lifestyle were
not ever going to mesh with his
He survived....I've thrived....
to protect my fragile sobriety.
He supported my efforts...did not bring alcohol to my place
quickly brushed his teeth and showered when he came over
However
the stench of beer lingered on...he smelled rancid.
I discovered my new goals and lifestyle were
not ever going to mesh with his
He survived....I've thrived....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by CarolD 
I did break up with my still drinking lover of 5 years
to protect my fragile sobriety.
Of course, sorry to hear that it effected your relationship so greatly, it must have made your early recovery so much more difficult....
Mark
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