Here we go........again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Here we go........again
I've been away for a while. I've been dealing with the grief after losing my dear father to an aircraft accident (he was not an A). Been busy. Just trying to get through each day....one day at a time.
My son is the A in my life. Some of you may remember me. He's drinking and drugging again. I finally had to implement my bottom line. No contact. And it's tearing me up.
He met a girl in out patient treatment. They became intimate (bad choice) and she continued to use. So......he joined her....oxycotin and alcohol. What a bad combination. He couldn't stand watching her destroy herself so he broke up with her. And he drank to deal with the pain of leaving her.
He began calling me.....drunk......sad.....threatening suicide. Quacking about life. And I did it. He asked me to come get him and I did. I knew the second he got in the car that I was in for it. I asked him which way was the best way to go and he lit into me.......*#@ you don't know you're way around here? Turn right. Don't you have a GPS right there next to you?
I took him to my house (I can hear you all sighing and imagine you shaking your heads). It didn't get better. He began spewing his negativity and I just couldn't stand it. I (very calmly) countered his bs. And he asked to be taken home.
We got into the car and I began the drive back to his home. He sat quietly for a while and finally said "I feel worse than I did when you came to get me." I said nothing. As we approached a toll bridge we had to cross he asked me to let him off at the exit before the bridge. I asked him where he preferred to be dropped off and he replied "Close to the bridge." This was one more insinuation regarding suicide (this bridge is unfortunately a common outlet for life's problems).
I pulled over and he got out of the car.....and I began to cry.....sob uncontrollably. I was going to let him go.......even if it meant that he jumped off that bridge. He got back in the car and asked why I was crying. I couldn't talk. He then said "Maybe I should never call you again." and I told him "Yes.....perhaps that would be best for both of us."
He got out of the car and I watched as he walked away....toward the bridge.
And I cried.
Needless to say.....he didn't jump. He called me the next night....crying....and telling me that he couldn't stand not being able to talk to me. I was quiet for a while as he sobbed. I asked if he had gone to an AA meeting and he said "No....I can't yet....you don't understand." And I said "You're right.....I don't understand....but they do....they've been where you are.....I haven't. They can help you. I can't." He said a few more words and hung up.
I haven't heard from him since.
And that is where I am now. Worried as hell. Doing things to keep myself busy. Enjoying time with my sweet grandson (his son). Trying to take care of me. But I'm still sick to my stomach with worry. Knowing I can't call him.......wondering if he's dead.
My son is the A in my life. Some of you may remember me. He's drinking and drugging again. I finally had to implement my bottom line. No contact. And it's tearing me up.
He met a girl in out patient treatment. They became intimate (bad choice) and she continued to use. So......he joined her....oxycotin and alcohol. What a bad combination. He couldn't stand watching her destroy herself so he broke up with her. And he drank to deal with the pain of leaving her.
He began calling me.....drunk......sad.....threatening suicide. Quacking about life. And I did it. He asked me to come get him and I did. I knew the second he got in the car that I was in for it. I asked him which way was the best way to go and he lit into me.......*#@ you don't know you're way around here? Turn right. Don't you have a GPS right there next to you?
I took him to my house (I can hear you all sighing and imagine you shaking your heads). It didn't get better. He began spewing his negativity and I just couldn't stand it. I (very calmly) countered his bs. And he asked to be taken home.
We got into the car and I began the drive back to his home. He sat quietly for a while and finally said "I feel worse than I did when you came to get me." I said nothing. As we approached a toll bridge we had to cross he asked me to let him off at the exit before the bridge. I asked him where he preferred to be dropped off and he replied "Close to the bridge." This was one more insinuation regarding suicide (this bridge is unfortunately a common outlet for life's problems).
I pulled over and he got out of the car.....and I began to cry.....sob uncontrollably. I was going to let him go.......even if it meant that he jumped off that bridge. He got back in the car and asked why I was crying. I couldn't talk. He then said "Maybe I should never call you again." and I told him "Yes.....perhaps that would be best for both of us."
He got out of the car and I watched as he walked away....toward the bridge.
And I cried.
Needless to say.....he didn't jump. He called me the next night....crying....and telling me that he couldn't stand not being able to talk to me. I was quiet for a while as he sobbed. I asked if he had gone to an AA meeting and he said "No....I can't yet....you don't understand." And I said "You're right.....I don't understand....but they do....they've been where you are.....I haven't. They can help you. I can't." He said a few more words and hung up.
I haven't heard from him since.
And that is where I am now. Worried as hell. Doing things to keep myself busy. Enjoying time with my sweet grandson (his son). Trying to take care of me. But I'm still sick to my stomach with worry. Knowing I can't call him.......wondering if he's dead.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
((((((hugs)))))))
I wish there was something, anything, I could say to ease your pain. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's like losing him over and over again with every phone call.
All I can think is that no contact is the only option you have no matter how deep the worry is for you. Do all you can to avoid his calls in the future.
Take all that emotion you have right now and pour it on your grandson in the form of kisses. Take care of you as best you can. It is the best thing you can do for you and your grandson.
I hope peace comes to you soon.
Alice
I wish there was something, anything, I could say to ease your pain. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's like losing him over and over again with every phone call.
All I can think is that no contact is the only option you have no matter how deep the worry is for you. Do all you can to avoid his calls in the future.
Take all that emotion you have right now and pour it on your grandson in the form of kisses. Take care of you as best you can. It is the best thing you can do for you and your grandson.
I hope peace comes to you soon.
Alice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Alice
Thank you for your hugs. I really needed them tonight.
I told my grandson today that I was going to get ALL of his kisses. He told me that I needed to leave some for Karma (our little black pug).
He's only three years old. He doesn't know that his Daddy is an alcoholic. He knows that his great grandpa (my dad) is in heaven because he crashed his plane. He talks about it so easily. And my heart hurts when he does.
Thank you......I need to find my serenity. I do well for a while and then lose it. SR is my saving grace.
gentle hugs
Thank you for your hugs. I really needed them tonight.
I told my grandson today that I was going to get ALL of his kisses. He told me that I needed to leave some for Karma (our little black pug).
He's only three years old. He doesn't know that his Daddy is an alcoholic. He knows that his great grandpa (my dad) is in heaven because he crashed his plane. He talks about it so easily. And my heart hurts when he does.
Thank you......I need to find my serenity. I do well for a while and then lose it. SR is my saving grace.
gentle hugs
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Oh my. I can't imagine the pain you must feel kindeyes.
Big hugs from me, and I think it took a LOT of strength for you to drive away from him, and I also think it was the right thing to do.
:ghug
Big hugs from me, and I think it took a LOT of strength for you to drive away from him, and I also think it was the right thing to do.
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there Kindeyes, and sorry to hear you are going thru so much pain 
A long time ago it was me that was a young man lost in my addiction to booze. I did not have a Mother that loved me enough to do for me what you have done for your son. If there had been somebody like you in my life I might never have gone as far down as I did.
I had a _lot_ of people who loved me, and enabled me. That just allowed me to continue in my own BS, gave me another couch to crash on, another ride to the next bar. Why would I ever sober up if there was no harm done by my drinking? That's the way it looked to me as long as I had one more enabler left to call.
It wasn't untill all those enablers got tired of me and let me go that I was forced to see the reality of my life. That is when I finally decided I had to make some major changes in the way I was living.
There could have been a hundred Moms loving me with all their heart and it would not have made a single bit of difference. Love does not cure physical disorders. It doesn't mend broken bones, or reverse diabetes, or stop addiction. Following doctors orders is what fixes physical disorders, and for alkies like me that is abstinence and meetings of AA.
Since I've sobered up I've been married, helped raise a daughter, started a few companies, and have basically been a productive and positive member of society. Thanx to all those people who _stopped_ enabling me and allowed me to learn from my own mistakes.
I wish I'da had a mom like you, Kindeyes. One that loved me enough to do what was good for me no matter how much it hurt her. I don't know what your son will do with his future, but I do know that until he runs out of enablers he does not _have_ a future.
You did exactly the right thing, Kindeyes.
Mike
A long time ago it was me that was a young man lost in my addiction to booze. I did not have a Mother that loved me enough to do for me what you have done for your son. If there had been somebody like you in my life I might never have gone as far down as I did.
I had a _lot_ of people who loved me, and enabled me. That just allowed me to continue in my own BS, gave me another couch to crash on, another ride to the next bar. Why would I ever sober up if there was no harm done by my drinking? That's the way it looked to me as long as I had one more enabler left to call.
It wasn't untill all those enablers got tired of me and let me go that I was forced to see the reality of my life. That is when I finally decided I had to make some major changes in the way I was living.
There could have been a hundred Moms loving me with all their heart and it would not have made a single bit of difference. Love does not cure physical disorders. It doesn't mend broken bones, or reverse diabetes, or stop addiction. Following doctors orders is what fixes physical disorders, and for alkies like me that is abstinence and meetings of AA.
Since I've sobered up I've been married, helped raise a daughter, started a few companies, and have basically been a productive and positive member of society. Thanx to all those people who _stopped_ enabling me and allowed me to learn from my own mistakes.
I wish I'da had a mom like you, Kindeyes. One that loved me enough to do what was good for me no matter how much it hurt her. I don't know what your son will do with his future, but I do know that until he runs out of enablers he does not _have_ a future.
You did exactly the right thing, Kindeyes.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Kindeyes, you lovely soul, I am so very sorry for what you are going through.
I am not a mom, and so can't even pretend that I know any good answers for you.
But I do know this: Suffering any more of your son's abuse would not have been beneficial for anyone - not you, not his son, not him. You had no choice but to release him to his own choices.
He must choose life, just as each of us, every day that dawns, needs to choose life in order to continue on to the next. To choose to turn away from recovery would be horribly sad, that's for certain: but that doesn't change the fact that it is HIS choice, his journey through this world, his relationship with whatever higher power is guiding him.
I must say that the bridge thing, though terribly upsetting for you, sounds like clear and blatant manipulation on his part -- very theatrical, calculated to make you cry -- and it upsets me that he wanted so badly to hurt you that he would do such a thing. For you see, I don't know him, but I DO know enough about YOU to know that you deserve better treatment than you're getting, pain or no pain.
Wrap your loving arms around your grandson and Karma (I have a pug too!). Wrap your arms around yourself, for being such a loving mom and for doing all you could possibly do. Pray that your son's path takes him to someplace good and healing, and embrace the fact that you can do nothing to steer him toward it right now. Know that you've done the right thing, beyond a shadow of a doubt.
We'll all be praying too.
:ghug3
I am not a mom, and so can't even pretend that I know any good answers for you.
But I do know this: Suffering any more of your son's abuse would not have been beneficial for anyone - not you, not his son, not him. You had no choice but to release him to his own choices.
He must choose life, just as each of us, every day that dawns, needs to choose life in order to continue on to the next. To choose to turn away from recovery would be horribly sad, that's for certain: but that doesn't change the fact that it is HIS choice, his journey through this world, his relationship with whatever higher power is guiding him.
I must say that the bridge thing, though terribly upsetting for you, sounds like clear and blatant manipulation on his part -- very theatrical, calculated to make you cry -- and it upsets me that he wanted so badly to hurt you that he would do such a thing. For you see, I don't know him, but I DO know enough about YOU to know that you deserve better treatment than you're getting, pain or no pain.
Wrap your loving arms around your grandson and Karma (I have a pug too!). Wrap your arms around yourself, for being such a loving mom and for doing all you could possibly do. Pray that your son's path takes him to someplace good and healing, and embrace the fact that you can do nothing to steer him toward it right now. Know that you've done the right thing, beyond a shadow of a doubt.
We'll all be praying too.
:ghug3
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
****{Kindeyes}}}}
Gosh I am so sorry, I am not a mom, just the kid. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you with him treating you like that. I know from my own past issues that when anyone I know or loved "Let Me" manipulate them it didn't help. I did it without even realizing what I was doing. Sometimes our emotional issues, drug/alcohol issues, whatever it is, seem to take over and hold us hostage if we let them and then we start taking others hostage. It has to stop somewhere.
You take care of yourself, do what you need to do. He will learn that he has to stand on his own to feet 'when he has too'. He's not going to change until his way isn't working for him any more.
Give your grandson and Karma lots of love and kisses, and doing something extra special for yourself this weekend.
********.....}}}}
:ghug2
Gosh I am so sorry, I am not a mom, just the kid. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you with him treating you like that. I know from my own past issues that when anyone I know or loved "Let Me" manipulate them it didn't help. I did it without even realizing what I was doing. Sometimes our emotional issues, drug/alcohol issues, whatever it is, seem to take over and hold us hostage if we let them and then we start taking others hostage. It has to stop somewhere.
You take care of yourself, do what you need to do. He will learn that he has to stand on his own to feet 'when he has too'. He's not going to change until his way isn't working for him any more.
Give your grandson and Karma lots of love and kisses, and doing something extra special for yourself this weekend.
********.....}}}}
:ghug2
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm very sorry your Dad is no longer with you physically
His spirit lives with you these difficult days....
I did break off contact with my 2 active alcoholics/addicts.
For 10 years they had been upsetting my life
and it never was going to stop.
That's when my own drinking became excessive
I found Al anon immensley helpful...hope you will too.
Praers coming your way
His spirit lives with you these difficult days....
I did break off contact with my 2 active alcoholics/addicts.
For 10 years they had been upsetting my life
and it never was going to stop.
That's when my own drinking became excessive
I found Al anon immensley helpful...hope you will too.
Praers coming your way
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Reaching out with a big ole cyber hug ****{Kindeyes}}}}
Sorry to hear about your father. You've had a tough year.
With an addict grown child...we know fear and worry. We know the "catch 22" because it doesn't feel good to be around them and it doesn't feel good to have no contact.
In the past when fear started to become overwhelming, I turned it over by saying
"God protect my child" and practiced releasing the fear.
It becomes a matter be of mind control by not allowing thoughts of fear, doubt and worry get the best of us. Some days easier than others.
May today be easier for you.
Keep the faith that your son is okay.
My son got out of a yr. long inpatient program last month and moved into a 6 mo. sober living house arrangement.This week I started having that "intuition" and he stopped calling or returning my calls. They called to say he'd hit some bumps in the road by breaking a couple of rules ( he got a tattoo and contacted a gal still in inpatient)
So I am again having to practice detachment and not becoming preoccupied with what's going on with him.
I am surprised how quickly his old behaviors come back and so do my feelings of pending doom.
We have to keep our equilibrium
Sorry to hear about your father. You've had a tough year.
With an addict grown child...we know fear and worry. We know the "catch 22" because it doesn't feel good to be around them and it doesn't feel good to have no contact.
In the past when fear started to become overwhelming, I turned it over by saying
"God protect my child" and practiced releasing the fear.
It becomes a matter be of mind control by not allowing thoughts of fear, doubt and worry get the best of us. Some days easier than others.
May today be easier for you.
Keep the faith that your son is okay.
My son got out of a yr. long inpatient program last month and moved into a 6 mo. sober living house arrangement.This week I started having that "intuition" and he stopped calling or returning my calls. They called to say he'd hit some bumps in the road by breaking a couple of rules ( he got a tattoo and contacted a gal still in inpatient)
So I am again having to practice detachment and not becoming preoccupied with what's going on with him.
I am surprised how quickly his old behaviors come back and so do my feelings of pending doom.
We have to keep our equilibrium
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Kindeyes,
I'm sending you my support both as a mom of an addict and also as someone who knows what it feels like to lose a dear father.
I'm keeping you in my prayers that you will find all the comfort & strength you need as you grieve and the confidence to continue to know what it takes to let go of the chaos your son is creating. May he find recovery soon.
You are both a good daughter and a great mom; please take care of yourself.
(((Kindeyes)))
I'm sending you my support both as a mom of an addict and also as someone who knows what it feels like to lose a dear father.
I'm keeping you in my prayers that you will find all the comfort & strength you need as you grieve and the confidence to continue to know what it takes to let go of the chaos your son is creating. May he find recovery soon.
You are both a good daughter and a great mom; please take care of yourself.
(((Kindeyes)))
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Kindeyes
Your son sounds so much like my son. I've spent hours in the hospital with him suicidal. He overdosed once on 2 bottles of medication and hid so I couldn't find him. I finally found him and had to wait until he passed out before I could safely call for help.
I started calling the police on him every time he threatened suicide and he eventually stopped holding me hostage with suicide threats. I knew there were times he was actually suicidal and there was just nothing I could do as long as he kept drinking and using drugs. He would also call me every day crying and blaming all his problems on me. I had to start setting boundaries with our conversations and hang up immediately when the conversation started to go bad. Most of the time he was so drunk he didn't even remember calling. I would no longer bring him to my home when he was drinking. I would buy him food when he was hungry and drop it off. I wouldn't pay his bills or rent or pay for anything else.
I used to worry to death if I didn't hear from him within a couple of weeks. I never knew when he would die from suicide or an alcohol related incident.
One week was especially bad. I didn't know if he was going to make it and just couldn't do a thing about it. It got so bad that he begged for help and went into a long term rehab. He was sober for close to a year and then relapsed for a few months and has been sober again since October.
The constant threat of suicide or death is enough to cause us to feel suicidal. The risk of losing our children is real and we face it daily. It is beyond belief what we go through for such a long period of time.
I think what helped me the most is knowing that I had no control over it.
I could call the police and have him put in the hospital if I thought he was really suicidal and call the police if he threatened me and I was afraid for my safety. I always helped him find help if he needed it. I did all I could do to support him when he was trying to get help.
I realized that being happy or worrying had the same outcome with my son's situation.
If I worry-My son's situation is the same.
If I'm happy-My son's situation is the same.
I thought hard on worry and realized that worrying did not change anything. I could worry myself to death and the situation stayed the same. It's easy to worry when there are no solutions within our control. It felt like those were the only 2 choices. I either solve the problem or worry. I guess guilt was in the mix too and that was also a waste of time. Guilt didn't change anything either.
I started practicing and directed my thoughts to other things when I would start to worry. I started noticing that I had breaks between worrying. When I started to worry I would yell "no" to myself over and over again so the thoughts couldn't get through. It takes a lot of work to stop worrying.
I worked on boundaries and practiced so I was in control of our contact. I stopped picking him up and started giving him phone numbers. When he really wanted help he called them. I wasn't going to be his dumping ground any longer. That didn't help either of us. I did need to hear from him every 2 or 3 weeks though. I would give him a quick call and keep the conversation short.
I'm really sorry you lost your father. My father was the only one in my family that ever asked about my son or seemed concerned. We would sit and talk about it. Losing my father was also very hard.
Lots of hugs,
MG
Your son sounds so much like my son. I've spent hours in the hospital with him suicidal. He overdosed once on 2 bottles of medication and hid so I couldn't find him. I finally found him and had to wait until he passed out before I could safely call for help.
I started calling the police on him every time he threatened suicide and he eventually stopped holding me hostage with suicide threats. I knew there were times he was actually suicidal and there was just nothing I could do as long as he kept drinking and using drugs. He would also call me every day crying and blaming all his problems on me. I had to start setting boundaries with our conversations and hang up immediately when the conversation started to go bad. Most of the time he was so drunk he didn't even remember calling. I would no longer bring him to my home when he was drinking. I would buy him food when he was hungry and drop it off. I wouldn't pay his bills or rent or pay for anything else.
I used to worry to death if I didn't hear from him within a couple of weeks. I never knew when he would die from suicide or an alcohol related incident.
One week was especially bad. I didn't know if he was going to make it and just couldn't do a thing about it. It got so bad that he begged for help and went into a long term rehab. He was sober for close to a year and then relapsed for a few months and has been sober again since October.
The constant threat of suicide or death is enough to cause us to feel suicidal. The risk of losing our children is real and we face it daily. It is beyond belief what we go through for such a long period of time.
I think what helped me the most is knowing that I had no control over it.
I could call the police and have him put in the hospital if I thought he was really suicidal and call the police if he threatened me and I was afraid for my safety. I always helped him find help if he needed it. I did all I could do to support him when he was trying to get help.
I realized that being happy or worrying had the same outcome with my son's situation.
If I worry-My son's situation is the same.
If I'm happy-My son's situation is the same.
I thought hard on worry and realized that worrying did not change anything. I could worry myself to death and the situation stayed the same. It's easy to worry when there are no solutions within our control. It felt like those were the only 2 choices. I either solve the problem or worry. I guess guilt was in the mix too and that was also a waste of time. Guilt didn't change anything either.
I started practicing and directed my thoughts to other things when I would start to worry. I started noticing that I had breaks between worrying. When I started to worry I would yell "no" to myself over and over again so the thoughts couldn't get through. It takes a lot of work to stop worrying.
I worked on boundaries and practiced so I was in control of our contact. I stopped picking him up and started giving him phone numbers. When he really wanted help he called them. I wasn't going to be his dumping ground any longer. That didn't help either of us. I did need to hear from him every 2 or 3 weeks though. I would give him a quick call and keep the conversation short.
I'm really sorry you lost your father. My father was the only one in my family that ever asked about my son or seemed concerned. We would sit and talk about it. Losing my father was also very hard.
Lots of hugs,
MG
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Kindeyes,
I am so very sorry for what you're going thru. It's especially difficult when it's one of our own kids... as moms we never really get over that need to take care of our kids, to protect them at all costs. And yet, I've learned here as well as from many Al Anon friends that we can literally love them to death if we don't get out of the way and let them learn their own life lessons.
This mom stuff ain't for weenies.
Mom hugs
Cats
I am so very sorry for what you're going thru. It's especially difficult when it's one of our own kids... as moms we never really get over that need to take care of our kids, to protect them at all costs. And yet, I've learned here as well as from many Al Anon friends that we can literally love them to death if we don't get out of the way and let them learn their own life lessons.
This mom stuff ain't for weenies.
Mom hugs
Cats
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I made it through the weekend without calling my son.....or hearing from him.
I spent the day on Sunday with my mother, my daughter, and my niece up in Seattle. We had high tea and went shopping in the Freemont District. We had a blast.
As long as I keep myself busy, I'm able to function without the burden of constant worry.
I am always so amazed by all of you on SR. Your kind words brought tears to my eyes this morning.
This is going to sound terrible.......but it's true......and I'm not proud of it. I'm a signer on my son's bank account. So I am able to see what he's up to....via his checking account activity. I looked at it and saw that there was no activity at all for a couple of days.......I thought for sure he was dead. But then.....there it was.....he had gone snowboarding. This is a guy with no job (he was laid off) who was crying about how he couldn't stand to live anymore because he was going to get kicked out of his house and was starving to death. But he somehow found the money to buy a $50 lift ticket.
Now I know that it's not good for me to look at his bank account (typical codependent behavior) but I'm glad I did. It simply confirmed that all of that quacking he was doing and the threats of suicide are simply a way to control my emotional state. It is the behavior of addiction. It confirmed that I did the right thing FOR ME by driving away from him last week.....and letting him do whatever he was going to do.
I have to let him live his life......even if I don't agree with his choices.....I will always love him. But I don't like the person he becomes when he drinks and drugs.....he is no longer my son when he does those things.....he is an addict.
Thank you all for your kind and supportive words. I love all of you.
gentle hugs
I spent the day on Sunday with my mother, my daughter, and my niece up in Seattle. We had high tea and went shopping in the Freemont District. We had a blast.
As long as I keep myself busy, I'm able to function without the burden of constant worry.
I am always so amazed by all of you on SR. Your kind words brought tears to my eyes this morning.
This is going to sound terrible.......but it's true......and I'm not proud of it. I'm a signer on my son's bank account. So I am able to see what he's up to....via his checking account activity. I looked at it and saw that there was no activity at all for a couple of days.......I thought for sure he was dead. But then.....there it was.....he had gone snowboarding. This is a guy with no job (he was laid off) who was crying about how he couldn't stand to live anymore because he was going to get kicked out of his house and was starving to death. But he somehow found the money to buy a $50 lift ticket.
Now I know that it's not good for me to look at his bank account (typical codependent behavior) but I'm glad I did. It simply confirmed that all of that quacking he was doing and the threats of suicide are simply a way to control my emotional state. It is the behavior of addiction. It confirmed that I did the right thing FOR ME by driving away from him last week.....and letting him do whatever he was going to do.
I have to let him live his life......even if I don't agree with his choices.....I will always love him. But I don't like the person he becomes when he drinks and drugs.....he is no longer my son when he does those things.....he is an addict.
Thank you all for your kind and supportive words. I love all of you.
gentle hugs
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