Time for my big girl pants!
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Time for my big girl pants!
I caught my AH making a pill deal today... he didn't know I heard him... he said "don't let my wife know about this... she'll raise hell". Boy was he right. I waited til he got back in the car and I said "If you're going to make drug deals...especially if you don't want you wife to know... perhaps you should whisper!" Of course he immediately went into denial and said that I had heard it all wrong... well.... thanks to you guys... I didn't doubt what I had heard and I stuck to my gun. I told him this was unacceptable behavior and that I would not tolerate this kind of business. period.
Well it didn't take long for him to attack AA. He tried his damnedest to get me on the "hamster wheel", to respond to his noise and to engage me in an argument. I simply refused... again thanks to you guys. He went into a bank to cash a check and I looked at his phone and sure enough... earlier in the day he had contacted the skanky ho's he used to party with... I busted him on that too. He said "I can have friends too"... I said "yeah, you can... just not the ones who call in the middle of the night and want to screw you"... end of that subject!
I dropped him off at a friend of his' bar... I wished him well and told him that I hoped that he would find that he was looking for. So it is obvious that I'll be filing for divorce 1 year and 3 months after we pledged our undying love for one another.... he said to me as he got out of the car... "I love you"... I said "evidently not more than the alcohol and drugs".
I drove home amidst serenity and complete peace.... thanks to you guys.
Well it didn't take long for him to attack AA. He tried his damnedest to get me on the "hamster wheel", to respond to his noise and to engage me in an argument. I simply refused... again thanks to you guys. He went into a bank to cash a check and I looked at his phone and sure enough... earlier in the day he had contacted the skanky ho's he used to party with... I busted him on that too. He said "I can have friends too"... I said "yeah, you can... just not the ones who call in the middle of the night and want to screw you"... end of that subject!
I dropped him off at a friend of his' bar... I wished him well and told him that I hoped that he would find that he was looking for. So it is obvious that I'll be filing for divorce 1 year and 3 months after we pledged our undying love for one another.... he said to me as he got out of the car... "I love you"... I said "evidently not more than the alcohol and drugs".
I drove home amidst serenity and complete peace.... thanks to you guys.
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Originally Posted by BayAreaPhoenix 
(((hugs)))
Good for you! Stay in what you know - this isn't the end, he's going to try everything to spin you! You're ready tho!
Good for you! Stay in what you know - this isn't the end, he's going to try everything to spin you! You're ready tho!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I think you made a good choice there. It's nice you thank us for all you know, but listening to recovery and putting recovery into action are two different things, and you shine!!
You may have some sad days, it's a mourning of sorts that most go through when they say goodbye to what might have been, and we're here to lean on when that happens.
You may question your choice, or waver, but please know that whatever path you choose, we are walking with you.
Hugs
You may have some sad days, it's a mourning of sorts that most go through when they say goodbye to what might have been, and we're here to lean on when that happens.
You may question your choice, or waver, but please know that whatever path you choose, we are walking with you.
Hugs
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
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Originally Posted by Ann
I think you made a good choice there. It's nice you thank us for all you know, but listening to recovery and putting recovery into action are two different things, and you shine!!
You may have some sad days, it's a mourning of sorts that most go through when they say goodbye to what might have been, and we're here to lean on when that happens.
You may question your choice, or waver, but please know that whatever path you choose, we are walking with you.
Hugs
You may have some sad days, it's a mourning of sorts that most go through when they say goodbye to what might have been, and we're here to lean on when that happens.
You may question your choice, or waver, but please know that whatever path you choose, we are walking with you.
Hugs
Thank you for letting me know that you are with me.... thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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*just wanted to share this*
THE BUZZARD:
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
THE BAT:
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.
THE BUMBLEBEE:
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of e scape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom.. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
PEOPLE:
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up! That's the answer, the escape route and the solution to any problem! Just look up.
Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up!
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.
THE BUZZARD:
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
THE BAT:
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.
THE BUMBLEBEE:
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of e scape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom.. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
PEOPLE:
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up! That's the answer, the escape route and the solution to any problem! Just look up.
Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up!
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Posts: 545
Originally Posted by anvilhead
see that is the beauty of life....we can choose to go in a different direction at ANY time....i remember as a kid listening the Goldilocks and the Three Bears story....and thinking, man that goldilocks is sure a pushy picky girl....i don't like this, i don't that, me me me.....it's only today that i have come to admire Miss Goldilocks......she never settled......she held true to her own desires.....if the porridge was too cold, send it back...if the mattress was too soft, time to try something else....if it wasn't RIGHT, it wasn't RIGHT. and if she couldn't find what she wanted, she was willing to do without. and she didn't let a couple bears scare her off........
shouldn't we all find our own "just right"??
shouldn't we all find our own "just right"??
It's true Anvilhead... we do GET what we settle for... and I'll be just fine without a "nail"... just wish it didn't hurt... but I am thankful for the lesson(s) I have learned about myself and will continue to learn. Thanks.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Originally Posted by Hammerhead
I dropped him off at a friend of his' bar... I wished him well and told him that I hoped that he would find that he was looking for. So it is obvious that I'll be filing for divorce 1 year and 3 months after we pledged our undying love for one another.... he said to me as he got out of the car... "I love you"... I said "evidently not more than the alcohol and drugs".[/B][/I].
Glad you see that now.
So frigging hard and sad, but you did so well..........stay strong.
You go girl!
love,
cess:ghug3
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cessy68 - "They never love us more than the drink/drug"
Yes... sure would be gentlemanly of them to tell us that to begin with... but then how would we get in touch with our inner-codie?
Yes... sure would be gentlemanly of them to tell us that to begin with... but then how would we get in touch with our inner-codie?
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
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Wow.. You are one fast learner I too think your choice may make you feel sad and sometimes lonely sometimes in the beginning, but as you have already experienced, exercising self care and focusing on you and what you want from life can help to make difficult choices that lead to a better way to live. Hugs.
I too think your choice may make you feel sad and sometimes lonely sometimes in the beginning, but as you have already experienced, exercising self care and focusing on you and what you want from life can help to make difficult choices that lead to a better way to live. Hugs.
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Originally Posted by greeteachday
... I too think your choice may make you feel sad and sometimes lonely sometimes in the beginning... Hugs.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Originally Posted by Hammerhead
Well you got this part right! I am not wavering with my decision and I don't feel lonely... but I'm really struggling with sadness today. I'm staying busy with cleaning the house and have plans to work in the yard today. I hate this part... but I know it is only temporary discomfort and it's a stepping stone to a brighter day. Thanks for reading. :praying
However, I did get really sad, and the pain would set in are around day 3 or 4... then I'd crumble, which is why I am where I am now.
I want you to keep strong, and love yourself enough to know you deserve better, so that you don't end up where I am.
You are doing wonderful.
Take care,
cess
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Posts: 852
Originally Posted by Hammerhead
How do I respond to questions (from his friends/family) regarding the status of our relationship?
Usually people would say "what?" "what happend?" -- "you guys always looked so happy" etc....
then I'd respond by saying, "well, things just didn't work for me, He has too many priorities other than me..... I love him, I just deserve more."
And I'd leave it like that. So as to leave people wondering, but still aknowledging that I'm just takeing responsibility for exiting something that I loved because it didn't work for ME.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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(((((Hammerhead)))))
You recovery is SHINING!!!!!!!!!!
Actually is really is no one else's business, however, there will be friends and family that want to know.
I like Cessy's answer, but I have and even shorter one, lol:
"Irreconciable differences." And if they get pushy as to what the differences are:
"Sorry that's personal."
You tell only those you are comfortable telling, as it really is no one else's business but you and AH.
Love and hugs,
You recovery is SHINING!!!!!!!!!!
How do I respond to questions (from his friends/family) regarding the status of our relationship?
I like Cessy's answer, but I have and even shorter one, lol:
"Irreconciable differences." And if they get pushy as to what the differences are:
"Sorry that's personal."
You tell only those you are comfortable telling, as it really is no one else's business but you and AH.
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Originally Posted by Hammerhead
cessy68 - "They never love us more than the drink/drug"
Yes... sure would be gentlemanly of them to tell us that to begin with... but then how would we get in touch with our inner-codie?
Yes... sure would be gentlemanly of them to tell us that to begin with... but then how would we get in touch with our inner-codie?
Hugs to you as you move forward toward a peaceful and happy life!!!!
HG
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