veryrestless722

my husband called tonight, i told him i was going ahead with the divorce, he got annoyed with me, said why do i say i love him but do the opposite, that he cant tell me what to do, he has to focus on rehab thats its all he can think of or else he will slip, i say i know your still in contact with your "female friend" he said i jump to conclusions , that he talks to everybody where he used to work, i said why should i wait on a maybe, you cant tell me for sure we will be together, he just keeps saying he has to focus on this rehab, and it all depends on how things go between now and then, like how he is magically gonna be in love with me at the end of rehab, if he loved me then he would be able to know right now if he wanted to be with me, i dont want to be his back up plan or sit around waiting another 3 and then probably another 6 in a half way house just so he can be with that other girl, i said its been over a week and you havent asked to see our son, he says he dont have time

am i the crazy one here, shouldnt you make time for your son, even if its 1 hr a week, am i rushing it by going ahead with the divorce and not giving him time, i dont want to jump the gun but we've been separated for almost a year, im glad hes getting sober but if he cant say he wants to be together now, then how can i wait, cause i wont get a second chance with legal aid and i sure wont have the money for a divorce for a long time so that ties me with him if we dont get back together, i know he needs to only focus on rehab and i think its the best thing for him , i want to be supportive but im a different kind of parent, i dont care where i was i would try to see my son regardless, i dont know what to do, i dont want to be selfish i know his sobriety comes first but i dont know if i can just sit back and wait for him to see his son, he should be making the effort now

i dont know what to do anymore

LaTeeDa

His sobriety comes first in his life, but you should put your life on hold while he finds his way? You have every right to move forward in your recovery, just as he has every right to focus on his recovery.

Divorce is not the end of the world. There is no law that says you can't get back together in the future. Why should you not do what is right for you just because HE is focusing on HIS recovery? BTW, my personal opinion is that he has a really long way to go in recovery if he cannot understand that you have to do what is right for you.

L

veryrestless722

thanks, i just think divorce is the best for me. I love him but hes just exhausting to deal with, i feel guilty for not giving him time to work his recovery but so many relapse and with raising my son i just dont have any extra energy for him, its a hard decision but i feel like if i dont put my foot down with him now then hes going to think he can do whatever to me and ill always put up with it

GiveLove

quack, Quack, QUACK.

Don't you know your life is supposed to be all about HIM, restless? (GL rolls her eyes)

Do what is right for you. He has treated both you and your child really, really badly, and has not changed his stripes one bit since you left originally. Same sh**, different shovel.

LaTeeDa

The two things have nothing to do with each other. He has all the time in the world to work on his recovery, and he can do it whether he is married to you or not. If he's making your marriage a condition of his recovery, then he's not serious about it, period.

L

veryrestless722

when your right your right, i think i know what to do now