UNHAPPY777

HI all it's me once again. I had a difficult day yesterday. My husband came in from work and he looked like he was out of it. I didn't say anything because from what I learning they don't hear you while they are high anyway. HIs speech was slurred, his eyes were constricted (LITTLE), and he could hardly keep his balance. He tried to stay up for a while. But, soon sat down in his recliner and started nodding off. Like I told you guy's before he has never admitted to any drug use beside alcohol. He had one beer when he came home. When he would wake up out of his NOD his eyes would just roll back in his head. Now my brother is a recovering alcoholic and I have never seen this happend to him before but everyone is different.

Fast foward this morning I told him just because he considered me to be a square don't think that I don't know what is going on. He says stop beating around the bush and making him read between the lines. I told him he was an intelligent man and he knew what I was talking about.... He then on his own said I ain't on no drugs I might be an alcoholic but, NO DRUGS. I told him aalcohol is a drug but, he's on something diffent than alcohol. I said you have drunk beer every since I've known and you have never reacted this way.

He has cold/flu symptoms when he's at home on his days off. Constantly taking NyQuil and then when he goes to work all of those symptom go away. He seem congested at times and then no one not even a BIG RIGGGG passing through the house can wake him up. The other night he spilled a whole plate of food in my recliner and didnt even realize it. He fell asleep down stairs and came up when it was time for me to go to work. When I went down the whole plate of food was in the chair. I'm wondering why he didnt pick it up when he woke up. Well I just left it there!!!!!! It was his off day. So, when I got home he tried cleaning it up but, I stained. It was salmon with a special red sauce that I make. NOw I guess we have to buy a new recliner. But that is not even my complaint right now.... I want peace but, I feel like I am turning my back on him. I KNOW it sounds dumb but, .......I guess there is no BUT!! It seems like he is a hermit. On his off days he refuses to go anywhere. He just lies around. NOw this weekend FRIDAY and SAT (his off days) He only drunk around 5- beers 12 ounces each. Now for my RAlcoholic brother that would be a snack. JUst tell me am I on the right track. What drug have you seen or heard of that causes a person to act this way.....FYI he is coming home now because of the ultimatum I gave him but, what the use if he's not productive What could it be!

:wtf2

Freedom1990

Regardless of what drug he is/isn't on, are you happy living this way?

There's no way anyone can tell you for sure what he 'might' be taking.

Put the focus on what you can do to make your life better, and take the focus off of him.

Stagebear

Hi, and welcome from me, although you've clearly been here before.

I almost hesitated to post, 'cause what you describe could also be heavy drinking. And there are no absolute answers but since you asked for help:

It sure sound to me...well, like me: an alcoholic AND opiate addict. The nods...the "flu" symptoms...and the instant "flu recovery" when he hits work. Could be he's scoring pills at work. It's not uncommon for alkies to go on to pill abuse and they're pretty available out there, trust me. Or...it could be heroin.

So, it could be opiates. The pupils, too. But I suspect you knew that already.

Hoping you have plans for a next step for yourself, I remain,

UNHAPPY777

Thanks I also posted on the family and friends forum. Now it's funny because the female that he was dealing with would constantly want to be hit/ beatup and I never put 2 and 2 together. But, no one in their right might would like to be hit..... So, I believe she would allow the violence so that she could go to the doctor to get the MEDS.

FREEDOM- We have had this conversation before and no I don't want this I just feel like I don't have the strength to get out. I just ignore for the most part until it is right in my face like last night

Timebuster

The famous recliner. Been there done that. Its opiates. My recliner was my favorite weekend w/d chair. Ex wife has pictures to prove it.

Best of luck

Ivan

UNHAPPY777

Timebuster is it true that the wekkend/off days were for wd. Is that the time that he gives his body a chance to rest and recooperate. Where can I find uinfo on opiates....

Thanks

Freedom1990

Again, what is focusing on what he 'might' be taking doing for your situation, honestly?

You're spinning your wheels.

Timebuster

Its was for me.

That was my experience. I have no clue what your husband is on/taking.

Am with freedom, stop spinning your wheels and take care of yourself.

UNHAPPY777

I know but, it seems like my wheels are constantly spinning. I'm sorry this is something I never could have imagined that would happend. I just can't understand how he even functions at work. They even say he's doing a great job. Why is he doing such a horrible job at home? I KNOW FOCUS ON ME!!!! But, so many unexplained and unawnsered questions (SIGH)

lostbutterfly

I don't think an alkie could get drunk on beer - I sure couldn't. And that was when I drank it on top of opiates, but my opiates were probably a lot weaker than your man's, if indeed that is what he's on. Tiny pupils, flu-like symptoms that magically disappear - sounds like opiates.

It also sounds like he is isolating himself, which is something I also did the last few years.

It doesn't really matter. The fact is, he's on something, you don't like living that way.

Stagebear

My beer drinking buds in recovery think differently...it's just the quantity...

Unhappy: Maybe the others are right...if you're not in personal danger, the wheels are just spinning...

UNHAPPY777

Yeah I'm not in personal danger I just can't stand sitting at home when we you to be soo active. We rode his Harley, went jet skiing, stayed in Vegas (My parents live there), went to Lauglin, Texas, Cruises, amusement parks and much much more....... I am learning new thing to do with just the kids. Over time I will be able to tune him out and get back to living life. People ask if I will be able to do that and I can truly say I think I can with time. In the beggining it seemed like all I could or would do is get out of bed to feed my kids and to go to work... But now I am taking charge and taking BIG steps.... I go places without him and even during Christmas I was going to go to my parents house without him. But miracously he got better...... He stayed in a hotel because my parent who once loved him to death and would do anything for him.... are now upset with him.... Because they said he didn't have it to do... And they are right. You would trhink trhat this man had a load of financial and emotional problems but he was living the american dream. Oh well now I'm living reality. Thanks for listening and responding. You guy's are great!!!!!

Nallabelle

Ok I am responding to this having not read anyone else's response. If I had to guess I would say he is on pain killers. Usually if you take a few of them you get happy and energetic but if you take a lot it can make you act the way your husband is acting. Thats just my guess though.
I would do some more investigating. You need to find some proof. How long has this been going on? Is your marriage good in other regards? What is this man doing for you? He also sounds like an alcoholic. It doesnt matter if he drinks a lot or a little. If he cant stop drinking then that is an alcohol problem.
Just saw that you have kids. Really not fair to expose them to that. Cant "pick" your husband over your children. Not saying you shouldnt help him, but if it comes down to it...

Wolfchild

What my experiences have taught me is that i cannot make any progress until i first accept the person, place, or thing that seems to be a problem. Every time i have not practiced acceptance, my thoughts and emotions wound tighter & tighter around my heart until it felt like i couldn't breath. i justified my lack of acceptance by passing some type of judgement on what little evidence i had seen. i got twisted up and started focusing only on the negatives of the situation until "flight or flight" was my only possible way out.

When i practice acceptance, i can live within my own skin and get a little relief from the emotional turmoil. It also gives me an better perspective of the problem, which provides me with an open mind to find clarity about what is actually going on. Then, i can make a more informed choice about what to do.

Hang on, take it easy, and ask God for direction!

UNHAPPY777

I would never choose my husbands addiction over my children. Because they can't defend themselves or make decisions themselves. They are 2 and 8 years old. I feel like as long as it doesn't affect my ability to take care of them and he's not taking food out of their mouth then I will help him. With that being said, it doesnt mean I will stay with him. I also know there is going to come a point in time where my emotional needs are not being met because I am starting to feel the affects now!!!!! When the bad starts out weighing the good then I know that it is time for me to move onnnnnnnnnnn!

UNHAPPY777

Well yesterday after my last post. I heard from him @445 and he said he was on his way home and he NEVER showed up. I said I wouldnt call his job but, of course dumb me I did. He said he couldnt taLK. I told him he could just listen. So, I said I can no longer live this way and I wanted him OUT! He said okay like usual and I said where ever you were at last night.. stay there tonight too. I told him he was a selfish a** who didnt give a damn about anyone but his self. I told him that I nor the kids deserve to be treated this way. He said well I have to go.

My question is

HOW CAN HE GET UP TO GO TO WORK? HOW DOES HE FUNCTION... IF HE HAS ENOUGH SENSE TO GO TO WORK THEN SHOULDNT HE HAVE ENOUGH SENSE TO CALL!!!!!

mp91163

Unhappy, this is gonna sound a little harsh, but...

1--Is his life insurance paid up? Mixing alcohol and opiates is playing Russian roulette...eventually, he's gonna mix too much of each and it'll be game over. Just google Karen Ann Quinlan.

2--It's one thing to disrespect your spouse, but he has TWO young children? That's WAAAAAY beyond selfish, that's not caring that you have children.

3--Run, don't walk, to a lawyer. Even if you kicked him out of the house, he is still obligated to care for your children, even if only financially. Separation or divorce, doesn't matter, but talk to an attorney, and NOW!

4--Don't get involved with his workplace. If you say the wrong thing, or they interpret it incorrectly, it could come back to bite you.

5--Terminate the marriage. Yes it sucks, but you must look at it that HE screwed up, not you. HE has chosen alcohol and drugs (whatever they are) over you and your children. You mentioned that you've taken the kids out to do things, while leaving him at home; good for you, and good for your children! It sure sounds like it's time to move on with YOUR lives (you and the kids).

6--Again, check on your legal options NOW! Do not wait until something tragic happens.

Your last post kinda says it all...it's very apparent that he doesn't care about you or his own flesh and blood children anymore. Until he is willing to do something about his drinking and drug use, you need to get yourselves out of that situation. Don't lie to the kids, but don't give all the details either; just tell them that daddy has a problem that he has to take some time to get better. This way, you don't look bad in your kid's eyes.

Also, should you wisely choose to separate, make sure that the agreement/lawyers/court make it clear to him that if he shows up drunk or stoned to see the kids, they don't go with him. I mention this because a good friend of my wife had this situation arise with her drunken ex-husband THREE times in the first year after they separated, and he lost his priviledges for 4 months, until he sobered up and completed a court-mandated rehab program.

Good luck to you, and keep us posted.

change4penny

unhappy...Keep this in mind...this is just my opinion....I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 166 days clean.
I put my husband and kids through hell while I was 'using'! Thank God my husband stuck by me! He knew that this 'addict' wasn't the person he married. He knew I was sick. No, he's not a saint...we had some knock down, drag out fights. He threatend to leave numerous times, but I'm so grateful that he didn't. He had faith that I'd come to my senses one day and his faith in me is what helped me get clean.
I'm not telling you to keep yourself and your kids in a unhealthy situation...maybe separating will help him realize his problem. You just have to ask yourself "is this the man I married?" and "do I want to put myself and my kids through this?"
Now that I'm clean, my marriage is stronger than ever. I'm glad that my husband loved me through my addiction, cause Lord knows he could have gave up on me a long time ago!
Good luck to you and your family :praying

UNHAPPY777

Thank You for all of your responses. This morning when I went down to wake my husband up, I pulled up and talked to him expressing my new boundaries and how they are not to be crossed. I told him that he wasn't the man I married. I said I remember him saying that all of his friends and family had turned their backs on him. I told him that they don't have to tolerate his behavior and if he continues along this same path without change then I would be following behind them shortly. I remember him saying a while back that he didnt know how to get HIM back... So I told him that there is hope and help out there but, he has to be willing to except it! So, at the end of my talking I said what is it that you want he said to LIVE...(remember he has never admitted to using) and I asked what does living look like to you? HIs ideal of living might be different from my idea. So, he just simply said I dont want to DIE! From that moment I might be wrong but, that was somewhat of a breakthrough. Because If you weren't doing drugs why would you even say that.
Now the new task is getting him to understand that his chances are greater of dying by staying on drugs than detoxing. I think he has tried to detox on his own with no success and the withdrawls were too much for him. So now it's a chance that he just may go into treatment..... I don't know just a though for today

He also said that he hadn't eaten in 2 days. But, he was at work yesterday. As a manager they have test tastings of foods and asked if he ate there he said NO!!!! Is it true that most times you don't have an appetite.

mp91163

Unhappy, congrats on your talk with the hubby. While he still may be in some kind of denial, the fact that he stated that he wants to LIVE and not DIE is a big step in the right direction.

You husband is probably not a good candidate for detoxing on his own, with or without your help. At this point, it is probably worth it for him to go into a rehab facility. The FMLA covers this, and I'm sure that it won't take up all 12 weeks of it. Check with your laws there in California for more details.

Regarding the lack of food; yeah, that's not unusual, but 2 days-man, I'd be starving!

Please take advantage of this breakthrough to get him into a rehab program, ASAP!

Good luck, and congrats again!!!!