Ronan

Hello. Don't really know why I'm posting this but I dunno..My drinking just seems to keep getting worse. I'm only 23 and the majority of socializing I do just involves lots of alcohol. I'm considered a big "Party guy" but I can never seem to be comfortable socializing without alcohol. I tend to keep drinking then the next day and beyond, and end up in terrible states. My girlfriend has just left me because she couldn't deal with all the broken promises and sickness.

I just feel like such a loser. I mean, I'm only 23. I've failed 3 years of college due to my drinking, being too hungover to go in half the time. I joined this forum a few months ago but I never posted because I was doing quite well just cutting my drinking down, but surprise surprise I end up slipping back into my old habits, blacking out constantly.

I pissed myself on Friday and Saturday nights this weekend. I feel so disgusted with myself. I may go to a meeting in the next few days to see what it's like, but I don't think I can give up the booze completely. I know you will all say that an alcoholic can never stop problem drinking, and I know deep down that I am a full on alcoholic. I can relate to nearly every post I've read on this forum. I don't want to be 23 explaining to people that I'm a full-on alco and I can't touch a drop without going mental. I just don't think I can continue to drink, it's ruining my whole life.

I have an interview tomorrow and I know I'm going to have to have a pint or two before it because otherwise I'll be a shaking wreck and won't get the job...I've gotten myself into such a ****** little rut.


Sorry about the ranting-nature of this post. My heads a bit all over the place right now and I just needed to vent.

Ronan

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop. I can relate to the overwhelming feeling you are describing, because my life was a mess when I finally stopped drinking, and it's hard to believe you can get through a day without drinking. But, you can do it!

You are absolutely right, that an alcoholic cannot control his drinking. The disease is very powerful and relentless. I would also say that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you stop drinking. It's a personal decision and it would be up to you as to who you wanted to tell or not tell about your decision.

AlkalikeH

Hey Ronan. Welcome to SR, glad that you found this forum.
It will fill you with invaluable information. Read as much as you
can, POST as much as you can and you will find what you need
the most right now: SUPPORT and HELP.

You need to be as open as possible at this point, because hiding it out
or doing any toying with your problem with only add up for the worst.
You got yourself in a rut, but hardly this is a cul-de-sac. You can get
out of it (not only speaking about the job opportunity, i am talking about
YOUR LIFE!). You just need to study your options, get an action plan
and start. Sounds like moving mountains right now to step out of the
bottle but is possible! You will find people here that have drank for
decades and you will see how they managed to not touch one single
drop of alcohol - that should be enough pep to help you DO IT!

Keep posting and give us more insight and people will be around to listen!
No such thing as a rant - otherwise i would have been banned already!

All the best and a piece of strength to you, man!

Congrats on your realization that you need to get sober.

least

You are right that as an alcoholic you cannot control or moderate your drinking. I tried to control it but never could. The only way to beat this soul sickness is to not drink. If you continue to drink things will only get worse.

Have you talked to a doctor about getting help in quitting? Sometimes mild anti anxiety meds are given for the first few days to quell the shakes and anxiety that comes after giving up alcohol. Withdrawal can be dangerous, besides very uncomfortable. Medical supervision while detoxing is a good idea.

Going to a meeting might be very helpful for you, as you will be among people who have the same problem as you do, and can offer advice and suggestions on staying sober. Just remember to take it one day at a time. Just don't drink today. You CAN beat this thing, but it takes some effort. Sobriety is well worth the effort, and you CAN turn your life around. You are very young and still can have a good sober life. Please try to stop drinking. Talk to your doctor about quitting. Go to meetings, several of them, and give it a good try.

Welcome to the family!

CAPTAINZING2000

Well

you're not a loser for one thing.


It's hard to stand up for yourself and say, this isn't for me. I can relate at your age, I felt the same way.


You're at a young enough age, you've got a lot of good living to do yet.

You don't want to get to be my age and have regrets for what, you could've done with your life.

Ronan

Thanks for the fast replies guys.

I just really don't think I can go 100% sober. Even thinking about it scares me. Not being able to drink when I'm out etc. I don't know what it's going to take.

My girlfriend leaving sucks too. She was my rock and I actually drank alot less since I've been with her. When it actually sinks in that she's properly gone I have a horrible feeling that I'll just feel really sad and alone and will hit the bottle pretty hard. I did it before when a girl left me for pretty much the same reason.

You'd think I would have learned my lesson.

I've been drinking since I was 15. Never really wanted to drink but as soon as I was drunk for the first time I thought it was brilliant. The confidence and fun I had being drunk was amazing. I started with just a few cans, and wouldn't want any more, but a few years ago I had to drink constantly all night or I just wouldn't have any fun. Waking up still drunk has become a staple of my life and thats when I decide to buy more drink so I wont have to deal with a hangover. I make bad decisions when I'm drunk.

I've been drinking insane amounts for roughly the last 4 years. I mean I look at people on here who think they drink alot and it really saddens me that I drink so much more. I've drank liter bottles of whiskey the day after a night of drinking, and that gets me absolutely wasted - I'm only about 150 lbs. I never eat when I drink and that doesn't exactly help matters either. God knows what damage I'm doing to myself.

Ranting again so I think I should stop!

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, ronan. my daughter is 24 and she is an alcoholic. alcohol and drugs have been a problem for her since about 18, maybe sooner. but 18 was when her drinking and using really starting to have negative consequences.

there are young people here at sr, and hopefully you can meet some of them soon as well.

keep posting! and good idea to try an aa meeting! at the least try a handful, and different ones if you can, before you make any decisions about the program.

hugs, k

CAPTAINZING2000

Start by eating healthy

A full stomach doesn't allow much roo for drinking. Distance yourself from people that, take it to the limit. Look around if, you're with people that, drink responsibly and you still over do it, you do have a drinking problem.

At your age, I ran a lot. I used to run 3 or 4 miles daily. Concentrate on healhty things for you to do. What things in life do you enjoy ? Refocus your mind to other avenues in life. If, I hang in bars, I'm going to drink.

Latte

I was worried about what to say to others about my drinking but remembered my uncle who was Mormon who did a lot of business with people who drank and he just became the "juice man." I became the Coke Zero gal. You can call it an allergy but I think I was more worried about my not drinking than others really were. "No thank you, I don't drink" has been really the only thing I've needed to say, and without explanation in general. I also have a medical condition that I really shouldn't drink due to and in the very beginning I used that as a backup plan. These days most if not all of my friends know I don't drink and it's never an issue.

Keep reading and posting, you are not alone.

Fubarcdn

Welcome Ronan.
I could have written that exact post when I was 23 right down to my girlfriend leaving me, not wanting to give up the social thing and even needing a couple before an interview but sadly I didn't write it but just kept drinking instead for another 30 years. I know you don't want to hear that you can't moderate but you can't just as surely as I couldn't in the hundreds of times I tried.
I didn't get it until my wife threatened to kick me out and then I came here and read and posted and I have finally figured out I have to quit for me and not just because of the ultimatum.
I sincerely hope you don't waste the amount of time that I did before you come to this realization.
Good luck.

Ronan

That's what I'm afraid of. I mean, I don't know where the last 3 years went. Just a series of binges connected by a few week days where I wouldn't be drinking.
Every part of my life has suffered due to my drinking and it only seems to be getting worse and I'm really starting to feel doomed. If you know what I mean. I had a job during the summer and was going in drunk every second day. I would buy a bottle of wine or vodka to drink sometimes and passed out once or twice in the toilets. At the time it just seemed a bit of fun (Wow I'm so rock n' roll etc) - but looking back it's actually really ******* scary. I promised myself in January that I wouldn't drink for the month to see how I got on. I lasted about 2 weeks then had like 4 drinks one night and had a blast. This whole moderation thing would be easy I thought. And now sitting here after making yet another mess of my life thanks to booze I just feel broken.

I really let myself, my parents, and my now ex girlfriend down.
Thank god I didn't drink today.

Feels like I always get like this, promise myself I will change my ways then a week or two after it's like it never happened.

I just don't know what to do with myself any more..

Fubarcdn

Ronan.
Before you pick up that first drink I am going to recommend that you come here and let us try to talk you out of it. Print out the posts you have made here and read them before you pick up.
If you are like I am, which I think you are to a degree, after the first drink or two it is all over and there is no more control. It may work once in a while moderating but over the long haul it won't.
Decide if you want to be free of the bad things and if you do quit now. Unfortunately it is the only thing that will work:moderation won't.
If you want to keep trying moderation it is up to you and if it doesn't work we will still be here for you to listen and support. No judgements just encouragement.

stellaloella

I recommend checking out an AA meeting. I went to my first one on February 20th, and while in the time since then I don't think I'll be going back due to some aversions I have to group membership, it WAS a positive experience for me. It gave me a feeling of support and understanding to be in a room full of people who did the exact same shameful things that I did. No one was judgemental, and everyone had been to the pits of their life. It prompted me to try not drinking for a week and I managed it! I am back at day 1 again today but I am going to give abstaining another chance. The first couple of days were hard but I started to feel my mood lifting on about the 3rd day. Best wishes to you. I've been there. I was a great student at one point but flunked out of college. I am 32 now and am returning to college again... don't want to screw it up this time. Time is fleeting.

EvanW

Hey, I can totally relate with the things you are saying. I'm also 23, been drinking since 18 and wasted a good 2-3 years of my college career smoking weed and binge drinking. I've been sober 10 days now and honestly man I looked at my life and myself and realized that I could not moderate! Look at the evidence, the facts, not the "ohh i think I can do this or that" because I bet you have been there like me a whole lot of times.

So what am I doing about it? How am I doing things differently from before when I always tried to quit on my own strength and failed? For starters I had to make a choice between an unmanigible life with the highs/lows/chaos that drugs and alcohol always went hand in hand with. Or I had to choose peace free from my addictions and be willing to work for my sobriety and sacrifice for my sobriety. So I chose sobriety and now go to AA meetings, plan on getting a home group sponser, and work the 12 steps. Also I reconnected myself with God (higher power). Thirdly I try to come onto SA as often as possible to read stories of others who are going through the same struggle. There is no easy way man, but when you reach that point in your life where you just can't take anymore thats when the healing can begin. I hope this is helpful, and best of luck/support, SA will be here no matter what!

Ronan

So yeah, had 2 beers before my interview and it went really well. I looked like a shaky freak ordering my first one and I'm actually glad I did. Part of me didn't want to but I've pretty much gotten the job based on my confidence and humor..
Then I had another after. Then I went to a friends apartment and had four more. Came home and got 6 on the way. Currently on number 2.

Don't know why I'm even posting this but I'm guessing some of you have gone through this stage. I don't feel drunk, just normal.

I *have* to sober up for the weekend so I'm currently trying to hook myself up with weed so I can do something else instead. I'm gonna regret this tomorrow. Only today did my skin stop crawling and the only problem I had was the shakes. But believe me I was not in any state to face this interview today as I was.

I don't feel like I'll be too hungover tomorrow. Probably just a bit of sickness but none of the other crap. Just reading through my last few posts though I feel like such a douche right now.

AlkalikeH

Hey Ronan,

Well, you made it back here. So it means that the "getting well" thing is still in the back of your head, that is a good thing.

I really don´t know what to say. No one is entitled to be hard on you for continuing your drinkage, but i think they are entitled to say: that you need to maybe try sobriety for a bit. Maybe a day, or two. Give it a week. Why? because they know that a sober life has brought their life and their joy back. Gave them peace that they also want YOU to have!

Maybe with all this s**t with your ex and the new job coming up and you being 23 it all adds up that you prolly don´t want to do it right now. You need to identify what is f****ing up your life and then come to a self-realization that probably the drink will only add weight to all those things. But that is a journey you will have to do on your own.

I know and hope that you will be carefull and safe, man. Keep hanging around SR and read as much threads as you can. Don´t get scared. Don´t get bothered. Do not feel pressured. Just find a way to truly be happy with yourself and your life, and prolly sobriety will have a lot to do with it.

All the best man! a good, solid, firm shake of hands and good luck!

Ronan

I think I'll go to the shop and get food soon so my body can at least digest some nutrients. I don't think I'll post back until tomorrow but I promise I'm not wasting all of your time. I will beat this.

Thank you for the kind words AlkalikeH. I honestly appreciate it.

AlkalikeH

Thank you man, for sharing, posting, coming back and keep us updated.

Yeah, that is a great idea! you need to eat something! Go find yourself something kick-ass to digest.

And please call me H.

Come back whenever you feel like it. All the best, once again!

Ronan

I have food now. Just about to finish my last beer.

Are you in a band, or is that just your favorite pic as your avatar?

Got cheese nachos and cheese and onion crisps and some sort of sour cream and salsa dip. Feeling pretty **** though. Just got through the night by playing world of warcraft. I could have gone to the local late-night bar and probably picked up a chick but im glad I just stayed home.

I dont want to seem like a ***** but I'm a nice looking fella. To look at me and talk to me, being an alcoholic is the last thing you would expect. My parents are loaded too. They just give me money when work doesn't pay enough, but I've almost had my dad in tears from just looking at me when I'm drunk. He's made me promise that I would stop getting that bad but here I am yet again. I'm going back to college next year because there are no jobs at all in Ireland. I have a promotions job that I'm very lucky to have, even though it doesn't pay as much as a normal retail job.. I live in a nice house as far as ireland goes. My friend once described it to me as being like me, as in it looks nice on the outside but theres a big dirty alcoholic living inside. I have about 100 dollars (€75) on me right now and im just hoping i dont spend it on booze tomorrow.

If i look at this i wont..hopefully.

I'm so sorry for posting here a bit drunk (I'm not nearly proper *ugh* drunk) but it's just kinda soothing.. Just helps a little bit.

Fubarcdn

Keep coming back. When you are ready to quit you will.