Anxiety/Drink/Meds/Relationships. Exhausting!!
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On the beach
Posts: 163
Anxiety/Drink/Meds/Relationships. Exhausting!!
Hi all
I know i'm gonna get told not to do this & that & mostly i know what i should do, but here goes.
I've had GAD for years, excessive panic & anxiety & taken all types of meds for it!. I'm finally down to just Valium & i also self medicate with alcohol which i know i'm gonna get told is bad! & i know!!
Before Christmas i was single & drinking everyday, just to feel normal, wine/vodka & beers! I was getting the rebound anxiety each day, i'd then go for a run & start drinking again in the early evening!
This was daily & a constant vicious circle, but i could do my job, keep fit & eat well, but then got liver pain & saw my doc & decided to cut down as my enzyme levels were raised!
I then met a girl who drinks & so fell back into it at weekends & only slightly during the week, but now am feeling the affects of rebound anxiety early in the week as i think my body is used to daily drinking!
My anxiety is worse & so am taking Valium in the day to get rid (slightly) the anxiety & also i'm extremely anxious in the relationship. Anxious about conflict, if she'll want me with my issues, she sees me shake, tremble, become emotional & i wonder as to whether she may think she could do better! Also on the other hand, i get paranoid, whether thats drink/pill related, that she's seeing others or thinking of it & i sure as hell don't want to come across all insecure & questioning towards her!!
We talk, but i don't want to be constantly talking about it, she says my anxiety isn't an issue to her as long as i constantly don't go on about it. Which is understandable.
So, currently my anxiety is raging through my body even though i've had 10mg Valium & know that it would go if i had some drink, but only temporarily until the morning!
I feel i need to drink before i meet my girlfriend to decrease my anxiety & relax & also before we go out, but it seems that my attempting to curb my drink is making my anxiety worse & also being in a relationship too with all the commitments & responsibilities that go with it, are making me nervous & stressed & therefore making me drink more & take more pills.
I'm wondering if anyone can empathise with me & advise as it's all pretty exhausting a rollercoaster at the moment!!
thanks
wf
I know i'm gonna get told not to do this & that & mostly i know what i should do, but here goes.
I've had GAD for years, excessive panic & anxiety & taken all types of meds for it!. I'm finally down to just Valium & i also self medicate with alcohol which i know i'm gonna get told is bad! & i know!!
Before Christmas i was single & drinking everyday, just to feel normal, wine/vodka & beers! I was getting the rebound anxiety each day, i'd then go for a run & start drinking again in the early evening!
This was daily & a constant vicious circle, but i could do my job, keep fit & eat well, but then got liver pain & saw my doc & decided to cut down as my enzyme levels were raised!
I then met a girl who drinks & so fell back into it at weekends & only slightly during the week, but now am feeling the affects of rebound anxiety early in the week as i think my body is used to daily drinking!
My anxiety is worse & so am taking Valium in the day to get rid (slightly) the anxiety & also i'm extremely anxious in the relationship. Anxious about conflict, if she'll want me with my issues, she sees me shake, tremble, become emotional & i wonder as to whether she may think she could do better! Also on the other hand, i get paranoid, whether thats drink/pill related, that she's seeing others or thinking of it & i sure as hell don't want to come across all insecure & questioning towards her!!
We talk, but i don't want to be constantly talking about it, she says my anxiety isn't an issue to her as long as i constantly don't go on about it. Which is understandable.
So, currently my anxiety is raging through my body even though i've had 10mg Valium & know that it would go if i had some drink, but only temporarily until the morning!
I feel i need to drink before i meet my girlfriend to decrease my anxiety & relax & also before we go out, but it seems that my attempting to curb my drink is making my anxiety worse & also being in a relationship too with all the commitments & responsibilities that go with it, are making me nervous & stressed & therefore making me drink more & take more pills.
I'm wondering if anyone can empathise with me & advise as it's all pretty exhausting a rollercoaster at the moment!!
thanks
wf
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Ok, as you said, you already know.
So, what do you want us to say? That it's all right to continue to drink and take drugs which are counterproductive? You already know it's not.
I can certainly agree that it's exhausting. And yea, a rollar coaster for sure. I wouldn't want to be on that ride!
But, only you have the keys to stop it. And only you have the ability to get off. The control is all in your hands, as is your destiny.
And it all depends upon what it is you want.
It *sounds* like you're laying this trip on the lady you met. She drinks so, you drink, knowing it's not good for you. Did you stop to think that it's ok to say, "I don't drink." No need to explain. Or you could even say that it interfers with some meds you take. Either way, you'd be better off and you'd also be more responsible and accountable to yourself. She's not the reason you are drinking after all.
I do hope you'll find the way back. You know this is bad for you. Very bad. Else you wouldn't be here posting. And we're here to help -- whenever you're ready to make your move.
Shalom!
So, what do you want us to say? That it's all right to continue to drink and take drugs which are counterproductive? You already know it's not.
I can certainly agree that it's exhausting. And yea, a rollar coaster for sure. I wouldn't want to be on that ride!
But, only you have the keys to stop it. And only you have the ability to get off. The control is all in your hands, as is your destiny.
And it all depends upon what it is you want.
It *sounds* like you're laying this trip on the lady you met. She drinks so, you drink, knowing it's not good for you. Did you stop to think that it's ok to say, "I don't drink." No need to explain. Or you could even say that it interfers with some meds you take. Either way, you'd be better off and you'd also be more responsible and accountable to yourself. She's not the reason you are drinking after all.
I do hope you'll find the way back. You know this is bad for you. Very bad. Else you wouldn't be here posting. And we're here to help -- whenever you're ready to make your move.
Shalom!
it's a movie, you're the star
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
I would highly suggest seeing a doctor. I can totally relate - as I had GAD (have had it for about 7 years) but I also self medicated with benzo's and alcohol. First of all, know that it's a toxis mixture and you can easily overdose on it. Also, dating someone who is equally unstable/alcoholic as you are is probably not the wisest decision, but it's all up to you. Definitely visit a doctor and be totally honest. The benzos and alcohol will worsen, I repreat, will worsen the GAD - trust me. The sooner you get off them, the better!
Message me if you need someone to talk/vent to. I'm not judgemental and I can definitely sympathize with you, but I can also offer you some basic advice. Take care and be careful!
Rachel
Message me if you need someone to talk/vent to. I'm not judgemental and I can definitely sympathize with you, but I can also offer you some basic advice. Take care and be careful!
Rachel
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,788
HistoryTeach said it all already. Why not just tell your gf, I don't drink, and leave it at that. Drinking will only make it worse and could ruin your potential relationship. And drinking, as you well know, will only make your anxiety much worse.
Give up the drink, it will ruin your life. I know from sad experience.
Give up the drink, it will ruin your life. I know from sad experience.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 162
Hi Waterface - I can really relate to the rollercoaster you describe. Sounds a bit like my life for the past 5 years. The problem with anxiety is that it is habit forming - after a while it seems like we have trained ourselves to be anxious as a default position. Lik emost habits, it can be unlearnt, but it takes time. From my own experience, things only got better when I started working on my mind. For me this meant two things: first I started to learn how to "stop thinking" and just to recognise my negative thoughts for what they were....just thoughts with little connection to reality! Secondly, I sort of got "spiritual". I don't mean anything fancy by this........but do a little searching.
As for the alcohol, I actually believe it was my anxiety that came first, and that caused me to use alcohol (in ever increasng amounts) as a way of dealing with it. As we all know, it soon rebounds on you. I have only been sober for 10 days, but already noticing real improvements in my mental state.
I wish you all the best
Deep Blue
As for the alcohol, I actually believe it was my anxiety that came first, and that caused me to use alcohol (in ever increasng amounts) as a way of dealing with it. As we all know, it soon rebounds on you. I have only been sober for 10 days, but already noticing real improvements in my mental state.
I wish you all the best
Deep Blue
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On the beach
Posts: 163
Hi & thanks, i do see a substance misuse center & as i only just have, i am doing what they say by trying to ween off & i will see a doc later in the week!
Everything according to her is ok, she wants to be with me & people say i'm lucky & she is a nice girl, but i'm so anxious around her!! & yet i feel jealous when she's out partying if she was alone, & she does & won't stop for me, why should she!!!
That sounds totaly messed up i know. I talk to my counselor & she says i want someone, but not all that goes with it like responsibility, being emotionaly there & it causes increased anxiety & worry! I sure & am sure some know the feeling of freedom when single, but hate the lonliness!! Like we want our cake & eat it!
But if we parted, i'd be so jealous of her going to the pub alone & going back with someone!!!, its physically nauseating.
She is quite opinionated & we row sometimes & i hate that & therefore when i'm with her, i am uptight about saying the wrong thing that may cause conflict!! Surely that can't be right!
I talked to her about it & she says she's like that in her job!, so thats her, but hates the feeling that i feel stressed with her!
We had a good weekend & that was because we drank less, but how often will they be!! I know i would be different if i totally stopped, but i can't do that with her as i tried & we always argue as she's in party/drunk mode & i'm not & feeling uncomfortable!
Maybe i'm weak, but i tried a lot!! I know my emotional/mental needs are more important than 1 relationship, it feels so hard.
We had a drink the other night & rowed over curry, stupid things !!
We row about other stuff like contraception & how freaked i was when a condom broke!!, like i'm in a good emotional place for kids!!
Maybe i should look for the right person as am not sure she'd put up with it like some do, even though she says she cares & tries to understand!!!
Supposed to be having a nice night in alone tonight but my anxiety has been that bad in the day & i been taking lots of valium & drinking earlier to quash the anxiety & the thought of being with her gets me so anxious as i will turn up half cut at 6.30 stinking of beer & vodka!! & drowsy cos of valium!! Great night!! then if she drinks, which she will, it'll escalate & arguments!! then the same old!! Even though i think she's purposefully having night in so she don't go to pub & get hammered until 3am.
It's just a mess up at the moment & i'm to blame with this anxiety stuff, just like its ruined things before!
I feel like i push her to end it & then i'd be depressed & upset & in bed again & maybe self harming with guilt!!
Anxiety & depression makes me & maybe others selfish & sometimes i push her & am inconsiderate to her emotional needs which i hate but can't help! I let her down so much!
Everything according to her is ok, she wants to be with me & people say i'm lucky & she is a nice girl, but i'm so anxious around her!! & yet i feel jealous when she's out partying if she was alone, & she does & won't stop for me, why should she!!!
That sounds totaly messed up i know. I talk to my counselor & she says i want someone, but not all that goes with it like responsibility, being emotionaly there & it causes increased anxiety & worry! I sure & am sure some know the feeling of freedom when single, but hate the lonliness!! Like we want our cake & eat it!
But if we parted, i'd be so jealous of her going to the pub alone & going back with someone!!!, its physically nauseating.
She is quite opinionated & we row sometimes & i hate that & therefore when i'm with her, i am uptight about saying the wrong thing that may cause conflict!! Surely that can't be right!
I talked to her about it & she says she's like that in her job!, so thats her, but hates the feeling that i feel stressed with her!
We had a good weekend & that was because we drank less, but how often will they be!! I know i would be different if i totally stopped, but i can't do that with her as i tried & we always argue as she's in party/drunk mode & i'm not & feeling uncomfortable!
Maybe i'm weak, but i tried a lot!! I know my emotional/mental needs are more important than 1 relationship, it feels so hard.
We had a drink the other night & rowed over curry, stupid things !!
We row about other stuff like contraception & how freaked i was when a condom broke!!, like i'm in a good emotional place for kids!!
Maybe i should look for the right person as am not sure she'd put up with it like some do, even though she says she cares & tries to understand!!!
Supposed to be having a nice night in alone tonight but my anxiety has been that bad in the day & i been taking lots of valium & drinking earlier to quash the anxiety & the thought of being with her gets me so anxious as i will turn up half cut at 6.30 stinking of beer & vodka!! & drowsy cos of valium!! Great night!! then if she drinks, which she will, it'll escalate & arguments!! then the same old!! Even though i think she's purposefully having night in so she don't go to pub & get hammered until 3am.
It's just a mess up at the moment & i'm to blame with this anxiety stuff, just like its ruined things before!
I feel like i push her to end it & then i'd be depressed & upset & in bed again & maybe self harming with guilt!!
Anxiety & depression makes me & maybe others selfish & sometimes i push her & am inconsiderate to her emotional needs which i hate but can't help! I let her down so much!
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