waterface

Hi all
I know i'm gonna get told not to do this & that & mostly i know what i should do, but here goes.
I've had GAD for years, excessive panic & anxiety & taken all types of meds for it!. I'm finally down to just Valium & i also self medicate with alcohol which i know i'm gonna get told is bad! & i know!!

Before Christmas i was single & drinking everyday, just to feel normal, wine/vodka & beers! I was getting the rebound anxiety each day, i'd then go for a run & start drinking again in the early evening!
This was daily & a constant vicious circle, but i could do my job, keep fit & eat well, but then got liver pain & saw my doc & decided to cut down as my enzyme levels were raised!

I then met a girl who drinks & so fell back into it at weekends & only slightly during the week, but now am feeling the affects of rebound anxiety early in the week as i think my body is used to daily drinking!
My anxiety is worse & so am taking Valium in the day to get rid (slightly) the anxiety & also i'm extremely anxious in the relationship. Anxious about conflict, if she'll want me with my issues, she sees me shake, tremble, become emotional & i wonder as to whether she may think she could do better! Also on the other hand, i get paranoid, whether thats drink/pill related, that she's seeing others or thinking of it & i sure as hell don't want to come across all insecure & questioning towards her!!
We talk, but i don't want to be constantly talking about it, she says my anxiety isn't an issue to her as long as i constantly don't go on about it. Which is understandable.

So, currently my anxiety is raging through my body even though i've had 10mg Valium & know that it would go if i had some drink, but only temporarily until the morning!
I feel i need to drink before i meet my girlfriend to decrease my anxiety & relax & also before we go out, but it seems that my attempting to curb my drink is making my anxiety worse & also being in a relationship too with all the commitments & responsibilities that go with it, are making me nervous & stressed & therefore making me drink more & take more pills.

I'm wondering if anyone can empathise with me & advise as it's all pretty exhausting a rollercoaster at the moment!!

thanks


wf