Al-anon or AA?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: snowy, PA
Posts: 7
Al-anon or AA?
I was just talking to one of my dear friends that has gone thru AA and he's known me for several years. HE says that I am hiding out in Al-anon when I should be in AA...I am perplexed by this. I know that I have drank before and sometimes pretty heavily, however since all the bs with my abf, I have stopped completly. In support of him and for myself, since I was there to see how much trouble he got into and decided if I didn't wise my butt up that could be me. When I drank I knew that I wouldn't stop after a few, but I don't even like it that much, so it isn't hard at all for me to not drink. So YES I could have become an alcoholic, but I haven't drank in a year and a half, and I don't miss it one bit. My friend says I don't belong in Al-anon, but why not? Are there people in Alanon that HAVE drank or maybe even do drink? My abf is in rehab, and I want to learn all I can before he come home, not for him, but for me! Maybe I should go to both?!?! 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 202
Where I live, they have "dual" meetings for Al-Anon and AA all together. Maybe you could find something like that. I went to my first one on Saturday, and it was great!! If not, maybe you could check out one AA meeting and see if what anyone says stands out for you and rings a bell. I know I need both Al-Anon and AA, just starting out, but it felt good to pick up that white AA chip and move towards sobriety.
I keep thinking to myself, "This s**t is poison," whenever I feel like drinking. It poisons the drinker and everyone around him. Nothing good can come from that.
Good luck to you. Keep posting.
I keep thinking to myself, "This s**t is poison," whenever I feel like drinking. It poisons the drinker and everyone around him. Nothing good can come from that.
Good luck to you. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by neudayzahead 
I was just talking to one of my dear friends that has gone thru AA and he's known me for several years. HE says that I am hiding out in Al-anon when I should be in AA...I am perplexed by this. I know that I have drank before and sometimes pretty heavily, however since all the bs with my abf, I have stopped completly. In support of him and for myself, since I was there to see how much trouble he got into and decided if I didn't wise my butt up that could be me. When I drank I knew that I wouldn't stop after a few, but I don't even like it that much, so it isn't hard at all for me to not drink. So YES I could have become an alcoholic, but I haven't drank in a year and a half, and I don't miss it one bit. My friend says I don't belong in Al-anon, but why not? Are there people in Alanon that HAVE drank or maybe even do drink? My abf is in rehab, and I want to learn all I can before he come home, not for him, but for me! Maybe I should go to both?!?!
WELCOME!!!
IMO, you either are or aren't an alcoholic, period. I don't think there's an invisible line you cross where one day you're a social drinker and the next you 'become' an alcoholic. The disease-according to the experts-does have a progression of stages, however, and I think that might be where the confusion comes in. People in stage 1 or early stage 2 might tell themselves they aren't alcoholic, for example. There are stickies posted here from "Under The Influence", quite a bit of good factual information about the disease in this book. And if you really are wondering there are a few tests you can take online-MAST comes to mind-that will answer your question if you are honest about the answers you give.
Myself, I attend both. I am an alcoholic, but my codependency issues aren't really covered at AA so I attend Al-anon also. And some of the folks that attend are not alcoholic and do drink, btw.
Last edited by sailorjohn; 02-24-2009 at 10:50 AM. Reason: typo redundancies
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
can't hurt to try???
ask your friend why he thinks this??
friends aren't necessarily more insightful than anyone else, and clearly I don't know either of you so can't tell either whether it would be appropriate or why he said it.
I've never heard of anyone being kidnapped by an AA meeting against their will though so I'd probably give it a go like glenna said.
I know I don't need alcohol, I have never had any urge to drink, I know I've used it unwisely on occasion and drank way too heavily in my youth, but no-one would have anyway of knowing whether that was true but me.
my only caution would be (and this is about me: you know what's true for you)
I am a sucker for a hard-luck story, I have dated a cocaine addict for 5 years and married an alcoholic, I have friends that I don't like who I allow to suck me dry, I "lend" money out until my credit rating is shot.....
.....the AA room in question would have to be full of a HIGH quotient of recovery to repel my need to rescue.
ask your friend why he thinks this??
friends aren't necessarily more insightful than anyone else, and clearly I don't know either of you so can't tell either whether it would be appropriate or why he said it.
I've never heard of anyone being kidnapped by an AA meeting against their will though so I'd probably give it a go like glenna said.
I know I don't need alcohol, I have never had any urge to drink, I know I've used it unwisely on occasion and drank way too heavily in my youth, but no-one would have anyway of knowing whether that was true but me.
my only caution would be (and this is about me: you know what's true for you)
I am a sucker for a hard-luck story, I have dated a cocaine addict for 5 years and married an alcoholic, I have friends that I don't like who I allow to suck me dry, I "lend" money out until my credit rating is shot.....
.....the AA room in question would have to be full of a HIGH quotient of recovery to repel my need to rescue.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
AA is for those that have the 'desire' to stop drinking.
AlAnon is for the Friends and Family of Alcoholics in their lives.
That being said, there are many in AA that have come in through the 'back door' of AlAnon, lol and there are many in AlAnon that have come in through the 'back door' of AA.
I am one of the latter. At 3 years sober, married to a 'sober' alcoholic my AA sponsor told me it was time to start attending AlAnon.
I am not sure that AA is for you, however, you are the one to decide that. Attend some open meetings and decide for yourself whether AA can help you. Your friend may have seen some things in your drinking that you have not.
As to AlAnon, that is ALL about you. Taking care of YOU. Learning about YOU, not your alcoholic. Learning how to set boundaries. Embedding the "3 C's" to the very core of your being:
You didn't CAUSE it,
You can't CONTROL it,
You can't CURE it.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
AlAnon is for the Friends and Family of Alcoholics in their lives.
That being said, there are many in AA that have come in through the 'back door' of AlAnon, lol and there are many in AlAnon that have come in through the 'back door' of AA.
I am one of the latter. At 3 years sober, married to a 'sober' alcoholic my AA sponsor told me it was time to start attending AlAnon.
I am not sure that AA is for you, however, you are the one to decide that. Attend some open meetings and decide for yourself whether AA can help you. Your friend may have seen some things in your drinking that you have not.
As to AlAnon, that is ALL about you. Taking care of YOU. Learning about YOU, not your alcoholic. Learning how to set boundaries. Embedding the "3 C's" to the very core of your being:
You didn't CAUSE it,
You can't CONTROL it,
You can't CURE it.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Originally Posted by sailorjohn
WELCOME!!!
IMO, you either are or aren't an alcoholic, period. I don't think there's an invisible line you cross where one day you're a social drinker and the next you 'become' an alcoholic. The disease-according to the experts-does have a progression of stages, however, and I think that might be where the confusion comes in. People in stage 1 or early stage 2 might tell themselves they aren't alcoholic, for example. There are stickies posted here from "Under The Influence", quite a bit of good factual information about the disease in this book. And if you really are wondering there are a few tests you can take online-MAST comes to mind-that will answer your question if you are honest about the answers you give.
Myself, I attend both. I am an alcoholic, but my codependency issues aren't really covered at AA so I attend Al-anon also. And some of the folks that attend are not alcoholic and do drink, btw.
IMO, you either are or aren't an alcoholic, period. I don't think there's an invisible line you cross where one day you're a social drinker and the next you 'become' an alcoholic. The disease-according to the experts-does have a progression of stages, however, and I think that might be where the confusion comes in. People in stage 1 or early stage 2 might tell themselves they aren't alcoholic, for example. There are stickies posted here from "Under The Influence", quite a bit of good factual information about the disease in this book. And if you really are wondering there are a few tests you can take online-MAST comes to mind-that will answer your question if you are honest about the answers you give.
Myself, I attend both. I am an alcoholic, but my codependency issues aren't really covered at AA so I attend Al-anon also. And some of the folks that attend are not alcoholic and do drink, btw.
I too have often wondered if I was truely and A or not. I guess I still don't really know since I have recently (the last year) been able to control my drinking 100%, but it sure helps me understand some of the A's in my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: snowy, PA
Posts: 7
My friend thinks I need AA because when he was in rehab and just getting out is when we got to know each other better, I wasn't in any program at the time, we were friends and I was drinking. He did know how I drank, and I just think that he wants to share how great and wonderful his sorbriety makes him feel, that he wants me to feel this too. Since then he has moved far away, we keep in contact. And I have been in a relationship with my abf for 2 years now. So because of my current situation, and because of the great success he has found with AA I think he thinks I can only find my "happiness" in AA. I think the 2 programs are very similar, with the steps etc. Maybe he doesn't know how Alanon works, I'm not sure I do, as I have only been to 2 meetings. I have yet to speak at the meeting and I want to, but can't mustar my courage. In the mean time, he has put this thought in my head that I am a sham and shouldn't be there! That ticks me off! Alanon is to better yourself, for pete sake! And I want that, I want to learn what I can do for MYSELF! Jeez I just don't want others at my meeting thinking I don't belong there as well, when I do speak.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by neudayzahead
In the mean time, he has put this thought in my head that I am a sham and shouldn't be there! That ticks me off! Alanon is to better yourself, for pete sake! And I want that, I want to learn what I can do for MYSELF! Jeez I just don't want others at my meeting thinking I don't belong there as well, when I do speak.
You just explained for yourself why your friend said what he said. Sounds like he means well.
Can you just maybe admit he's wrong and let it go? Or find the small morsel of truth in it, use it to make yourself better, and then get on with your recovery as a loved one of an alcoholic?
This doesn't have to be a crisis.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to SR!
I have just begun attending alanon. I have been attending two different meetings. At one of my meetings, I started a conversation with someone after meeting. This person is an alcoholic. This person has attended AA and been sober for 5+ years, but felt they needed something else so they are trying alanon now.
I am a recovering alcoholic. I do not have cravings or desires to ever have another drink. I choose to go to alanon meetings instead of AA meetings to learn more about dealing with my life today, sober and married to an active alcoholic.
Please go where your needs are being met. If you are clean and sober, but struggling with day to day life because of someone else's addiction; alanon may be for you.
I have just begun attending alanon. I have been attending two different meetings. At one of my meetings, I started a conversation with someone after meeting. This person is an alcoholic. This person has attended AA and been sober for 5+ years, but felt they needed something else so they are trying alanon now.
I am a recovering alcoholic. I do not have cravings or desires to ever have another drink. I choose to go to alanon meetings instead of AA meetings to learn more about dealing with my life today, sober and married to an active alcoholic.
Please go where your needs are being met. If you are clean and sober, but struggling with day to day life because of someone else's addiction; alanon may be for you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
