TryingSoHard

Tonight we went out to eat with a friend-couple, and then they came back to our house to play a really fun karaoke game. At dinner the girl sat across from me and she had a martini, and several times I almost picked up her glass just thinking it was mine (because it was right in front of me and my glass was off to the side). Thankfully I couldn't smell the martini tonight (like I could last time we ate with them).

When they got to our house after dinner they had a bottle of wine that they stopped and bought on the way over. About an hour later it got opened and poured into their glasses.

The smell of that red wine hit me in the face like a hammer. It was so vivid I could almost taste the wine through my nose. I started shaking and it was NOT from the caffeine in my coffee.

They don't know I don't drink anymore (although they have noticed that I and my husband have not had any alcohol with them the last several times we've been together). I don't know if my husband said anything to them tonight or not because they drank their first glasses in the living room in front of me, but they drank their second glasses in the kitchen NOT in front of me. I was thankful for that as it was really starting to freak me out.

This is the first time ANY alcohol has been consumed in my home since September 30, 2008. By ANYONE. It's one thing for me to sit at a restaurant table with someone having a drink... it was totally different to have someone drinking in my home.

But I did it. And I'm not obsessing about it. I'm hoping that this experience made me stronger for the next challenge, or the next time someone does the BYOB thing.

That is all.

Dee74

I freaked a bit when I saw the thread title, TSH
I'm sorry you had such a trial by fire, but I'm glad you came through it.

I consider I have to right to ask people not to drink in my house - but I have to admit I've not had to do that yet as everyone is mindful of me not drinking.

D

TryingSoHard

I absolutely believe I have the right to ask people not to drink in my house, but there are a couple of factors that made that not happen tonight:

1 - they don't know I've quit, so it would be a bit odd to ask them not to LOL

2 - I didn't know they were bringing wine, they just showed up with it, and I would feel rude saying, at that point, "Oh hey, can you go stick that back in your car please?"

If I'd get over myself and just tell them that I quit I think it would be different, but I can't work up the nerve to tell them yet. So I suffer in silence.

TryingSoHard

I have to amend my first post a bit.

I don't know who the F I think I'm kidding because I am absolutely obsessing over it.

I can still smell the effing wine and it has been gone for over 5 hours... and was in a completely different room. It's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep because I still have the smell of that damned wine floating around my nose and my head is spinning and all I can think about is how good it would have tasted.

Now I'm scared to death that this is going to set off some massive cravings that I won't be able to get rid of for weeks. I've been doing SO WELL with not having cravings... I do NOT want to start going through that again.

Dee74

LOL well yeah - telling everyone is probably why BYOB's not been an issue for me

You made it - it's over - but you're still in pretty early days. It would have knocked me for a loop too. Maybe even now...

But at worst - even if you did come to obsess a little and have cravings - you've dealt with them before - they're simply thoughts. There's absolutely no onus on you to do anything....and remembering where you've come, it'd be madness to go back.

If you need to? Play that tape through M...force yourself to remember the 'bad old days'

None of this means you will crave tho. You're not the same TSH who joined here a few months back - you've had an amazing journey really. We're not the same people we were.

Chances are a bit of sleep and you'll be right as rain

D

TryingSoHard

You're absolutely right. Sounds like it's time to pull out my journal and do some reading about the last time I drank.

Thank you, D. :ghug3

yeahgr8

Well done to you. I think be mindful of this and very careful which you are being, i suppoose at least the wine was actually there as opposed to what i can remember from previous 'quitting days' where there would bo no booze in miles and i would still be pulling my hair out obsessing over having a drink!

I'm going to a leaving do at 7pm tomorrow and everyone will be drinking in a bar...oooo...nah ill be fine but it is the lions den isn't it! Please let us know how it has affected you the day after is at all:-)

SelfSeeking

Rough situation!! Oh TSH... You're doing so great. The craving will pass. I hope you're sound asleep right now. I am thinking of you.

allport

Well done TSH, no comment just bloody well done, that journal thiing sounds like a really good idea, thanks for the tip.

Katie09

TSH, you have done so wonderfully. I also notice you've been up all night, robbing you of sleep. What is it about telling them that bothers you so? Most people think it's actually pretty cool when a person prefers Perrier over booze. There are no explanations required. It's your business. It is better to not drink for health reasons. Just wondering...oh and BIG HUGS. And, BTW, if you are going to lose sleep over this to have people bring alcohol in your home, perhaps this is a boundary to look at. Your sleep means more than their wine (or maybe I am just a wuss who values sleep).

Anna

We have an alcohol-free home, and I am grateful for that.

If anyone brings alcohol, which rarely happens, my husband takes it and leaves at the front door and they take it when they leave.

It's a no-brainer for me, and I am happy about that.

Theresa

TSH, thanks for sharing how difficult this was, even after months of sobriety.

The quitting of drinking around friends in a fun situation has been really difficult for me. Knowing that it will remain difficult is good to know, actually. I will remain on guard.

Hope you are getting some rest today.

coffeenut

Trial by fire is right! Glad you got through your evening....stronger!

flutter

Good job.. boy that is tough stuff! Our house is alcohol free, even tho my hubby drinks, he only drinks 'out', and never around me. I haven't had friends over though really since I quit, but thinking back, I never really did! lol.. most of our 'party' time was at bars. Maybe how you're feeling now will give you some strength to be open with your friends about your alcohol free life, and thus prevent it in the future? My house has to be my safe zone, alcohol is EVERYwhere else. I can't imagine how you feel, I would be scared and obsessing a bit myself. Good job for getting thru it, but maybe now set some boundaries, like an alcohol free bubble around your home perimeter?

Fubarcdn

Well done TSH. I know it must have been hardfor you and I am glad you made it through.

Bamboozle

Hello, TSH.


Hang in there...we'll be here.

Eclipse

Way to go! I am so proud of you! Hang in there, you can do it!!

C

colagirl

TSH - awesome job! I'm terrified at the thought of having wine in my house. Just last night a friend came over and I was freaking for about 15 minutes when the thought struck me that she might bring some. She didn't - but it totally set off the "what would you have done" conversation in my head, which is quieter, but still continuing this morning. I hope when you wake up, you've forgotten all about it... well, until you read this thread, that is .

KindBird

Hey TSH - I can really feel what you have been going through. I recommend that you find something that you like to smell and spend some time smelling it - I am serious - to trump that smell that is so present in your memory. I can't help it. For me even the sight of a wine glass sets it off - and I have to get another glass and fill it with something I love and hold on to it for a while.. I believe this habit, or whatever you want to call it (addiction, problem, whatever..) is in every cell in our bodies and for me I have to use all my senses to counteract it.

Enough of the advice.. You are amazing and way to go with getting through this so far. Thank you so much for this post in all its detail and right when you were in it (are in it).. it strikes a big chord with me and I really feel for you.

(((( THS )))))

KB :ghug3

TryingSoHard

Hi everyone, and thank you so much for all of your encouragement and support.

I finally did wind up waking my husband up so I could talk to him about it. We stayed up until 6:30 or so and then I finally managed to fall asleep. He's been great... this morning when the little one got up, well, first he managed to talk little one into snuggling with us for about 30 minutes then he got up with him and let me sleep. Told me stay in bed as long as I needed because I need the rest.

I feel weird today. I feel a combination of hungover and the kind of sick-to-my-stomach I get when I'm really nervous/panicked/upset. At least I can't smell the wine anymore.

I guess I haven't told these friends yet for a variety of reasons. First, I still have a huge amount of shame and guilt going on. Secondly, I don't ever want anyone to feel like they have to change their habits around me - I don't expect people to not drink anymore just because I don't. Thirdly, I'm just not prepared for the conversation. I actually did ask them if they wanted our wine fridge (they said no, said they were going to try to start drinking less wine - go figure :P).

I don't know how to set the alcohol-free home boundary but I guess I'm going to have to learn. I totally agree with those of you who said alcohol is everywhere else - my home has GOT to be my safe spot.

Thanks again to all of you.