going crazy
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: OH
Posts: 57
going crazy
Hello All
I use to feel somewhat in control over my wife's problems or should I say they didn't bother me as much but know at times I feel utterly defeated. The problem is our kids are getting older and they really no longer know what normal is and completely justify her behavior.
I called the police on my wife when I met her at the movies after work because she was loaded and had drove our 3 children and 4 other kids to the movies. Because she wasn't driving when the police came they could do nothing. It was a mistake because it just fueled her arrogance..."I embarressed the whole family.. etc etc." but I feel utterly helpless in protecting our children. Even though she had drug addiction problems in the past we could somewhat shield our children from them because they were young and also because my wife still somewhat had a sense of right/wrong. Now I feel like she has completely gone over the edge. She drinks openly (when I am not around) around my teenage daughter and her friends. When I come home from work they all scramble to hide her alcohol. I don't know if the kids have drank with her but it's still an extermely unhealthy and strange environment.
She texts messages my daughters 14 year old boyfriend and he openly ask her about getting drugs. They went back and forth discussing when I was going to be at work,etc. It was messed up. My daughter tried to explain that her boyfriend was just kidding. I know kids do stupid things, but why would a kid ask a 44 year old women for drugs? And what the hell would a 44 year old women carry on hours worth of text messaging with a 14 year old boy?
I know I am just rambling but I hope I can figure something out.
I use to feel somewhat in control over my wife's problems or should I say they didn't bother me as much but know at times I feel utterly defeated. The problem is our kids are getting older and they really no longer know what normal is and completely justify her behavior.
I called the police on my wife when I met her at the movies after work because she was loaded and had drove our 3 children and 4 other kids to the movies. Because she wasn't driving when the police came they could do nothing. It was a mistake because it just fueled her arrogance..."I embarressed the whole family.. etc etc." but I feel utterly helpless in protecting our children. Even though she had drug addiction problems in the past we could somewhat shield our children from them because they were young and also because my wife still somewhat had a sense of right/wrong. Now I feel like she has completely gone over the edge. She drinks openly (when I am not around) around my teenage daughter and her friends. When I come home from work they all scramble to hide her alcohol. I don't know if the kids have drank with her but it's still an extermely unhealthy and strange environment.
She texts messages my daughters 14 year old boyfriend and he openly ask her about getting drugs. They went back and forth discussing when I was going to be at work,etc. It was messed up. My daughter tried to explain that her boyfriend was just kidding. I know kids do stupid things, but why would a kid ask a 44 year old women for drugs? And what the hell would a 44 year old women carry on hours worth of text messaging with a 14 year old boy?
I know I am just rambling but I hope I can figure something out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hi Ghost--
I guess one of the very worst habits acquired from living with an alcoholic is the habit of denial. I think it starts as a brain response to something that is just unacceptable, too painful to look directly at.... but it continues and becomes perilous because if we keep denying how things really are then we can never ever change for the better.
Your teenagers are probably getting away with all kinds of stuff (drinking drugs) since Mom is part of the party. My instinctual response on the txt messaging was - no way that's a joke!! Just NO WAY!!! I have teenagers and I have lots of their friend's cell phone numbers in my cell -- we've never had any kind of jokey txt-ing about drugs!! Are you kidding me!!???
At this point your teens may think they have a good deal with mom being so lax and you being in denial about the reality of what's going on- I mean your wife drove children (hers and not hers) to the movies while blasted??
It's GREAT that you called the police. That sends a very strong message. Did you let the parents of those other kids know? The only thing your wife has to be embarrassed about is her refusal to get help and commit to recovery. It is her fault 100% that the cops were called. She broke the law. End of story.
An alcoholic, by nature, will drink when its inappropriate, when its dangerous, when they said they wouldn't, when they don't want to, and when they do want to -- in short - they cannot control if, when, or how much they drink on any given day. That's the REALITY of alcoholism. How are you protecting your kids EVERY day from the dangers inherent in this reality?
It is very hard and painful to face this stuff head on - but you have young people's lives at stake here- not just their physical health - but their mental health.
Have you and your kids had a serious talk where you explain what alcoholism is and that mom is an alcoholic? AlAnon and AlAteen can be great resources for how to do that and for some printed literature.
I'm sorry you're going through this - as you know alcoholism is a progressive disease - it will NOT get magically better. Can you try AlAnon or do you have access to any kind of counseling for you and the kids? Get it out on the table!! Reality rocks, and you simply must take steps to protect your kids, now!
peace-
b
I guess one of the very worst habits acquired from living with an alcoholic is the habit of denial. I think it starts as a brain response to something that is just unacceptable, too painful to look directly at.... but it continues and becomes perilous because if we keep denying how things really are then we can never ever change for the better.
Your teenagers are probably getting away with all kinds of stuff (drinking drugs) since Mom is part of the party. My instinctual response on the txt messaging was - no way that's a joke!! Just NO WAY!!! I have teenagers and I have lots of their friend's cell phone numbers in my cell -- we've never had any kind of jokey txt-ing about drugs!! Are you kidding me!!???
At this point your teens may think they have a good deal with mom being so lax and you being in denial about the reality of what's going on- I mean your wife drove children (hers and not hers) to the movies while blasted??
It's GREAT that you called the police. That sends a very strong message. Did you let the parents of those other kids know? The only thing your wife has to be embarrassed about is her refusal to get help and commit to recovery. It is her fault 100% that the cops were called. She broke the law. End of story.
An alcoholic, by nature, will drink when its inappropriate, when its dangerous, when they said they wouldn't, when they don't want to, and when they do want to -- in short - they cannot control if, when, or how much they drink on any given day. That's the REALITY of alcoholism. How are you protecting your kids EVERY day from the dangers inherent in this reality?
It is very hard and painful to face this stuff head on - but you have young people's lives at stake here- not just their physical health - but their mental health.
Have you and your kids had a serious talk where you explain what alcoholism is and that mom is an alcoholic? AlAnon and AlAteen can be great resources for how to do that and for some printed literature.
I'm sorry you're going through this - as you know alcoholism is a progressive disease - it will NOT get magically better. Can you try AlAnon or do you have access to any kind of counseling for you and the kids? Get it out on the table!! Reality rocks, and you simply must take steps to protect your kids, now!
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Ghost-
Just also wanted to point out if she is procuring drugs for minors or buying drugs from them in your house YOU might lose your kids to DSS.
It's obvious you know what's going on, you're not dumb, just in denial. Snap out of it so you don't lose your kids to the system. Take them out of there. Share that txt with the boy's family so they can get him some help. Speak to a lawyer. Do the right thing. Just get moving on a plan.
There was a really scandalous case like this in an affluent suburb outside of Boston last year-- the mom was partying and doing oxy and vicodin with her daughter and other teens and the dad was oblivious (we know that's impossible right?) and the mom got busted and the kids were taken into state custody.
Bizarre. Unecessary. Sad. Seems impossible a mother would use children in that way and the father didn't step in and protect them earlier. But that's what addicts do....what's the father's excuse?
peace-
b
Just also wanted to point out if she is procuring drugs for minors or buying drugs from them in your house YOU might lose your kids to DSS.
It's obvious you know what's going on, you're not dumb, just in denial. Snap out of it so you don't lose your kids to the system. Take them out of there. Share that txt with the boy's family so they can get him some help. Speak to a lawyer. Do the right thing. Just get moving on a plan.
There was a really scandalous case like this in an affluent suburb outside of Boston last year-- the mom was partying and doing oxy and vicodin with her daughter and other teens and the dad was oblivious (we know that's impossible right?) and the mom got busted and the kids were taken into state custody.
Bizarre. Unecessary. Sad. Seems impossible a mother would use children in that way and the father didn't step in and protect them earlier. But that's what addicts do....what's the father's excuse?
peace-
b
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Ghost))
My heart breaks to hear of another family devasted by this disease. But congratulations to YOU for being the brave one to reach out for help before it is too late for you and for your children.
It is not easy to but setting boundaries in these types of situations may be something may help protect your children - even tho as young teens they may not want it or think they need it.
Be strong my friend - reach inside you for the strength, courage and wisdom from yourself and your HP to do what is the healthy and next right thing for you and your family.
HUGS,
Rita
My heart breaks to hear of another family devasted by this disease. But congratulations to YOU for being the brave one to reach out for help before it is too late for you and for your children.
It is not easy to but setting boundaries in these types of situations may be something may help protect your children - even tho as young teens they may not want it or think they need it.
Be strong my friend - reach inside you for the strength, courage and wisdom from yourself and your HP to do what is the healthy and next right thing for you and your family.
HUGS,
Rita
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