lovemykids

I don't even know where to begin, I have two teenaged girls my youngest(now 16) has been going to support group meetings twice a week which I thought were for trying "weed" a few times but I am now finding out so much more.

I will start with the oldest... 7 nights ago my 17 year old daughter came up to me and told me that she was hooked on drugs and didn't want to live her life like that. I knew that she had tried drugs before and a few months back when I took her to the dr. for flu like symptoms she had told me an hour before going that she was taking Ecstasy, needless to say I cried in the dr.s office, I thought that was the end of it as my daughter assured me that she would never ever take drugs again.

I thought maybe something was up with her mood swings etc over the past couple of weeks. I just somehow put it in the back of my head.

For the last 2 1/2 years my husband and I have been going through a roller coaster ride with her. Mood swings were a part of our life. My daughter was seeing a social worker at school and I was so relieved, I felt that this was someone who she could talk to about her mood swings etc. Since she couldn't seem to talk to me at that time. I want to add that over the past year she has moved out with her then boyfriend. My husband and I had discussed this with her social worker and we thought long and hard at the time torn with the decission. Even though her social worker felt that she was mature enough and that he felt she would do just fine I should have listened to that voice in my head that said "No way!" But I didn't listen to myself, I failed my daughter by letting her go. She has been back with us now for almost 6 months.

This is our conversation 7 nights ago:

(daughter) "Mom, I need to talk to you"

(Me) "ok, what's up?"

(Daughter starts crying) " Mom I have an addiction to drugs and I don't want my life to be like this anymore, I need help."

(Me, stunned) " I thought something was not right, how long? What have you been taking?"

(daughter) "For over a year now, I have been taking Esctasy and speed. mom I need help, what can I do? My sister wants me to call the guy that runs her meetings"

(Me trying to take this all in) "We are going to get you help, when was the last time you had drugs?"

(Daughter) "Two nights ago and I don't feel so good right now mom"

(Me) " You know how you feel right now? I don't want you to ever forget this feeling ok? Because no high is worth the low you are having right now and with drugs there will always be a low."

(daughter) "Mom, I think that I need rehab, should my sister call that guy from her meetings?"

(Me) "Yes, lets go do that now"

(Daughter) "Should we tell dad?"

(Me, not sure of his reaction) "No, not yet, let's make that phone call first"

We called (Sunday night), got my daughter an appointment to see him the next morning( Monday) which I found out so much more durring that meeting. She was taking 10 plus ecstasy pills at a time, speed she was snorting two big lines each time. She had quit school a few weeks back because she was failing and wanted to work for awhile and then go back in the fall, I backed her up although leary thinking it was a phase and she would get right back on track, she wasn't going when she should etc.....At this meeting my daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, why do you think that I wanted to quit school and get a job? I needed money for my drugs."

The next day( Tuesday) my daughter was off to the city, 3 hours away to meet with the man in charge of rehab, the man in charge of my other daughters meetings took her. The man looked at my daughter, swore and said that she was so lucky to even be alive. That was on a Tuesday, I finally told My husband on Wednesday and our daughter entered rehab on Friday. My husband was soooo supportive. I was worried with his reaction because over the past 1 1/2 or so with everything going on with our daughter he has almost detached himself from her because he has been so hurt with her words,actions etc in which we have all been going through.

I am going through different emotions....I cry, then I get angry at my girls, then at myself, then the shock kicks in again. How did I miss this? The signs were there but I pushed them back and ignored them. I failed my girls I realize this but right now I am trying so hard to focuse on the present, to be strong for them. I am trying to forgive myself but I have made so many mistakes....even our son who is 24 binge drinks and gambles although he graduated from high school, is on his own with a good job and pays his bills.

My husband and I drank too, beer, which we could pack away, however, my husband has only been drinking non alcohol beer now for the past few months(it was starting to become a problem) and I was getting a 12 pack on Friday nights for the weekend but I have stopped that too.My youngest also told me that when she went to her friends on weekends she would drink and has a problem. I have been keeping her close to me and told her not to worry about seeing alcohol at home because it wasn't going to be in the house anymore at all.

My 17 yr old daughter will be in rehab for a minimum of 6 months, they think maybe longer. We will get to see her for 6 hours in a month I think it is. She is allowed to call home 3 times a week for 15 minutes each time and all of her calls are supervised. She called this evening and said that her left lung hurt but the nurse would check her tomorrow morning as well as the scabs in her nose (from snorting). I wasn't even aware that she had scabs in her nose but have since read about it on the internet.

I asked my youngest why she didn't come to me, talk to me about what was going on with her sister? I told her that her sister could have died. My 16 yr old asked me how she could come and tell me when she was doing the same thing. I was horrified, I said but you both could have died, were the drugs really worth your lives? My 16 yr old was on ecstasy but not the speed....as I mentioned, I am going through so many different emotions.

greeteachday

wow...It sounds as if you have been going through a lot in your family. Lots of hugs...I'm glad you found SR.

I had 2 daughters with addiction problems and at one point, both were in rehab 1500 miles away from each other with me somewhere in the middle. It was within months of finding out there was a problem, so I was still working on the understanding that I was just as sick as my girls were, due to the addiction dance. So I think I have some idea how overwhelmed you feel.

There's no crash course in dealing with addiction and the impact it has on our lives, but there is help! Coming here is a great step forward. I would strongly encourage you to also try some Naranon or Alanon meetings. They are for friends and families of addicts and the support is amazing!

The other thing I hear in your post is a lot of guilt. It's normal to feel that way, but please understand that you truly did not cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. Your kids have to want to change. They are young, so at least you have some opportunity to get them the help they need, and it is wonderful that your daughter came to you and said she wanted to change.

I hope the support your younger daughter is receiving is enough for her. I know it is really, really hard, but addiction is an illness and if she needs more help than her support group, please encourage her to accept it. As hard as it was for me to wrap my arms around the idea that I was dealing with addiction with both my sweet girls at the same time, getting them into a program was the best thing possible for both of them.

I hope you will take this time to read and post here and try some meetings. The more you work on you, the healthier you will feel and the more prepared you will be to face the challenges of addiction in your life. Mom to mom hugs.

sleepygoat

Its awesome (and rare, I might add) that your daugher wants help. Thank God help was avialable so quickly and that she is there. As far as any of this being your fault, I strongly believe in the 'three C's' We didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, can't Control it. Addiction is a disease. You and your husband may have passed along the 'addict' gene and that's where any 'fault' in the matter begins and ends. As far as missing the signs - Yes, I did the same thing with my AD. Missed it all, until she was so far gone she was already prostituting for the next one. Incredibly, I'm a recovering addict myself and so you would think I'd have SEEN the signs. But I didn't. Part of the reason we miss it is because addicts are extremely good at lying and manipulation. And then there is our own denial. Who want to see this stuff when its so much more comfortable to deny it is happening? Give yourself a break now. She's getting help. Now hang around here and get some for you, too. and welcome!

Abundance

Thanks for posting.

It's so wonderful that your daughter is sharing with you and is asking for help.

If you want to stop beating yourself up and stop doing things that are bringing up bad sensations in yourself...... there is help for you.

You are in the right place.

So start with posting and asking questions and doing a lot of reading.

It sounds to me like you are a good parent.... you have conversations with your kids.

lovemykids

Thank you so much everyone. I am waiting for the nurse and case worker from rehab to call me this morning.

greeteachday---- Reading how your daughters were each in different Rehab centers makes me question the rehab center that my daughter is in. Two friends of hers are in the same rehab with her. Actually they are my youngest daughters best friends.Last night I also read about an upcoming show on Oprah about a family who uses herion, four of them and they were all offered help at four different places as they mentioned they had to focus on themselves with getting better.

Another concern in which I have is that when we were signing our daughter into rehab the man in charge mentioned that once my daughter has weekends to go out she could stay with these two friends at their parents home on occassion if we couldn't get up there......My husband and I looked at each other shocked and both said no that is not an option. I think that the man was surprised by our reaction along with our daughters surprise as we have both daughters with us in the room. One of the friends just got there and the other one has been there I think 3 different times and ran away once or twice. They are actually siblings and have great parents but I just can't take the risk, my daughter is too high of a price to pay for any error in my judgement right now.

I now feel like I am going to lose my mind with worry again.

sleepygoat----The addiction gene I have no doubt is in my family. My grandmother who raised me from the time I was 7 was an alcoholic, I was lucky though she was very good to me although there are some memories I would rather forget, like coming home from school to see the ambulance there because my grandmother had fallen down a flight of stairs while drinking and was unconcious. All the while wondering what was going to happen to me? when would she be back from the hospital? I was 15 at that time.
My husband lost his sister (his only sibling) to alcohol abuse 4 years ago, she was only 39 and her husband had passed away from alcohol abuse 12 months prior to her.
My mother was a "hippi" she use to come home every couple of months or so as she worked away. She was never addicted to drugs or alcohol but did smoke weed at parties etc...weed was never a big deal to her and I was allowed to smoke it if I wanted....not saying I never did when I was a teen but it was rare when I did, I just didn't like it and there had been a couple of occassions when I was at a party where a few people would try to talk me into smoking with them, I am talking hound me, I got fed up and left those parties to go home.

As I mentioned I could pack away the beer too. There was a point in my life where I could drink every night although we mostly stuck with weekends. I found it was the hardest when my husband drank , I remember asking him while in my 20's to please not drink so much or bring so much beer into the house but he still did.....I remember thinking if I can't beat him I might as well join him. So when he drank, I drank.

He had stopped for 4 years and I cut back drinking and only drank on occassion then I stopped for two years. I have no clue why we started having beer again. Anyhow, I blame a lot of that on myself for what has happened to my daughters.

My daughters have had activities, sports, dance etc. Our son had his hockey and swimming. My husband and I have called our daughters friends parents as well, to talk to them and make sure they were being supervised so we thought that our kids were safe. I am finding out now that there have been several occassions when my girls were "high" here at home and I didn't even have a clue.

When I asked my 17 yr old Why? She told me that they( her and her sister) just wanted to be "teens" to go through the teenage years so they wanted to do drugs.

Abundance----Thank you for your support too. Just by talking and listening to everyone here along with reading other posts has helped me tremendously. I still have a long way to go with my guilt and blaming myself.

Well the nurse and case worker have not called yet and I need to go to work, they knew that they had to call before 11a.m mornings or after 4:20pm. I am hoping that they will call me for when I get back.

Thank you so much again everyone.