greeteachday

I almost never have addiction in my face anymore (for which I am soooo grateful) But I do find my old behaviors have a way of creeping back in to other aspects of my life if I'm not vigilant about working my recovery. Probably my 2 biggest challenges are "future tripping" and my will rather than HP's will.

I'm at a point in my journey where I see a fork in the road. I "believe" I know the path I want, I just do not have the courage yet to take it. I know a good part of the reason is because I am still playing god with others...maybe not actively trying to control them any more, but believing somehow that I know what they think they need...

I picture myself not taking the path I want and I get bogged down in the future tripping and anxiety. It makes me lose the beauty of today. I realize little resentments are simmering...resentments that people don't even know I feel and that when I look at them, I realize the reason for them is because I am angry at myself and how I am dealing (or not) with what troubles me.

So I've thought about where I am at. And I know that at this point I am not quite ready. I'm not sure I know why, and I need to find acceptance that at this point I don't have the answer. But I can stop trying to play god and turn this over to my higher power. I've done that before, but I think I have given him instructions, lol (hp help me to do this, this and this, and while your at it could you do it this way?)
My honest conversation with my higher power is I am struggling now with this issue. I seek your guidance and help to keep me open to your will, not mine and to give me the wisdom and strength to carry that out.

Sort of like the Serenity Prayer, yes?

itisatruth

Thank you for that Greet The fact that you are thinking this through even though some old behaviors are creeping in shows that you are using the tools of your recovery. I've found that the tools for recovery are not things we learn about then 'put away' somewhere; they are something to use everyday. You're doing that -

Chino

I always remember my therapist pointing that out to me. He said I'm angry because of whatever, but I'm more angry with myself for not dealing with it. I've learned that self anger just fuels whatever situation is going on and makes it worse.

"The face of the enemy frightens me only when I see how much it resembles me."

Freedom1990

I had to laugh when you talked about giving it to God, but with instructions!

I'm guilty of that too!

Those forks in the road are kind of scary sometimes, aren't they? :ghug3

freya

Check this out:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-long.html

Good luck on your journey -- freya

Spiritual Seeker

" I know that at this point I am not quite ready "

Ready for what Greeteachday?

"I do find my old behaviors have a way of creeping back" I can relate to this...
Especially with my repetitive/compulsive/addictive behaviors.
I think I will spend a little time ea. day meditating and in prayer asking for these behaviors to be removed. The step before this is to be entirely ready. Maybe we need to be more ready.

greeteachday

Wow, Freya - thanks!

helpus

Trust

Can you fly?

What dose the caterpillar newly turned a butterfly feel?

Although flying is now within its capability
The way is unclear
Yet, through faith in itself, it gloriously takes off

The beautiful butterfly is forever within each of us
Trust your heart and yourself,
And you will find you can fly

-Robert B James

Ann

Greet, when I am not sure what I want to do or which path to choose, I just travel in blind faith and ask to be led. Almost always, I am. And when I am not...that is an answer too.

Your answer will come with clarity when you are ready.

Hugs

frankly

((Greet))

I haven't been around "addiction" for a few years now. I've seen so many friends here come and go, I often wonder about them, if things are better, or if they walked away and left it behind. I know that some, just started living life again, on their own terms. Sometimes, I feel sad, I almost feel left behind somehow, like, I didn't fully get what I needed to get to move on. For me, I know I still harbor resentments and anger and a sense of it all being so pointless sometimes. I think I actually hold on to those things in a twisted way, as long as I hold on to them, I don't have to take any risks. Nope, I'm safe. That way I can limit any more pain that could come my way.

Lately, I've reverted back to my old ways, isolating myself, I'm almost disappointed sometimes with the direction that my path has taken, but then I hold on to that Blind Faith. I too am at a cross road, I want to be with my kids and grandkids in Florida, but everything is here, my dreams, Jerry. I'm on this path right now because I'm meant to be, yet every day, I feel a little bit sad about that other path, the one where the kids are. So I'm torn and unhappy because by taking one path, I have to give up the other. And darn it, I really, really wanted to take both of them. So I just keep following the signs, they are almost like little whispers, gental nugges in the direction that I should go.

Letting go of others paths means that you really and truely have to look down your own, I've been hanging onto my kids paths, that way I don't have to face mine.

I don't know if any of that is even remotely to do with what you are experiencing right now, but I do know this Greet, whatever crossroad that you face, take the path that makes you happy, because you deserve happiness.

B

Abundance

I think it's like the serenity prayer. I think it's like you are throwing you arms up in the air and asking to be led. I think it is total surrender.

I suffer with "day tripping" lol.... and when it's not "day tripping" - it's future tripping! I too have surrendered my will to this un-necessary chaos. I pretty much know all too well that life is "as it is" - not "as it should be". Knowing something and doing it is a whole nuther situation!

A friend of mine did the 25 list on Face Book (i should do one here!) - but he wrote something that really touched me. "Instead of talking the talk - I continuously work on "leading by example". he makes a conscious effort ... and I want to do the same. And (for me) it starts by surrendering to all that I can not control. I believe that is the foundation.

Thanks for posting this .....

Peace xoxo