Here we go again
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Location: Atlanta
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Here we go again
As most of you know, stepmom was arrested in Dec. for trying to have a prescription filled that was "fraudulent". and her addiction to pain pills came to light.
She has legit pain, from severe arthritis, but is also depressed and a huge codie, neither of which she will do anything about.
Initial plans to monitor her pain med intake were discussed and agreed upon, with dad paying closer attention to what she was taking. This was totally disregarded, when she got a prescription on 1/5 for 90 Lortabs, 10 mg. I knew where we were headed when she said "these are MY pills" and dad didn't have a clue what she was prescribed, nor how many until I asked. He said "but she's in pain".
Last night, while he was on a trip, I heard a crash in the bathroom. Brit and I ran in there, stepmom broken a vase, was on the floor and was very, very obviously high. She's been complaining of a "herniated disc" and I've told her that pain meds will not touch the nerve pain she is having. Her legs were askew, and she couldn't talk, her speech was so slurred. We were unable to get her up, because she was too heavy. I called dad, and he was on his way home.
I found her pain pills. She had apparently run out of the 90 pills, had another prescription for 100 more filled on the 31st. There were only 53 left. It's only the 6th today. I took them out of her purse, with the intention of giving them to dad, and left her sitting on the bathroom floor.
Dad got home, and was livid. I stayed out of it, staying in my room. A few minutes later, I went to give him her pills, and he'd already gone to bed. Several minutes later, I heard her asking Brit if she had her pills. I told her I had them, and she was like a mad woman. I was laying in the bed, she came flying in my room "GIVE ME MY PILLS!!!!" I told her no, and to get the he!! out of my room. She was almost on top of me, reaching for the pills, and I started yelling for dad. She said "they're my pills, I paid for them, my dr. gave them to me!!!" Dad came in, I handed them to him, and told her "yeah, well the dr. didn't tell you to take 50 pills in 5 friggin days!!"
Dad is going out of town, again, today and told her he'd give her 2 pills and take the rest with him.
Grateful2b was online, and I am grateful for her
I knew this was coming, and I am just as angry at dad as I am at her because he, once again, buried his head in the sand about this all. He wants to live in his world of denial, then blow up when reality smacks him in the face. Problem is, there is a 15-year-old child, who was panicked last night, because of this reality. I'm glad I was here!
I'm angry in a good way. It's easier to detach, this way. Stepmom and dad don't want any help, and I will not push it on them. I WILL continue to be there for my niece. She, also, refuses counseling, and as stepmom is her guardian, there's nothing I can do about it.
I will continue to work MY recovery and hope that some of it rubs off on them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
She has legit pain, from severe arthritis, but is also depressed and a huge codie, neither of which she will do anything about.
Initial plans to monitor her pain med intake were discussed and agreed upon, with dad paying closer attention to what she was taking. This was totally disregarded, when she got a prescription on 1/5 for 90 Lortabs, 10 mg. I knew where we were headed when she said "these are MY pills" and dad didn't have a clue what she was prescribed, nor how many until I asked. He said "but she's in pain".
Last night, while he was on a trip, I heard a crash in the bathroom. Brit and I ran in there, stepmom broken a vase, was on the floor and was very, very obviously high. She's been complaining of a "herniated disc" and I've told her that pain meds will not touch the nerve pain she is having. Her legs were askew, and she couldn't talk, her speech was so slurred. We were unable to get her up, because she was too heavy. I called dad, and he was on his way home.
I found her pain pills. She had apparently run out of the 90 pills, had another prescription for 100 more filled on the 31st. There were only 53 left. It's only the 6th today. I took them out of her purse, with the intention of giving them to dad, and left her sitting on the bathroom floor.
Dad got home, and was livid. I stayed out of it, staying in my room. A few minutes later, I went to give him her pills, and he'd already gone to bed. Several minutes later, I heard her asking Brit if she had her pills. I told her I had them, and she was like a mad woman. I was laying in the bed, she came flying in my room "GIVE ME MY PILLS!!!!" I told her no, and to get the he!! out of my room. She was almost on top of me, reaching for the pills, and I started yelling for dad. She said "they're my pills, I paid for them, my dr. gave them to me!!!" Dad came in, I handed them to him, and told her "yeah, well the dr. didn't tell you to take 50 pills in 5 friggin days!!"
Dad is going out of town, again, today and told her he'd give her 2 pills and take the rest with him.
Grateful2b was online, and I am grateful for her
I knew this was coming, and I am just as angry at dad as I am at her because he, once again, buried his head in the sand about this all. He wants to live in his world of denial, then blow up when reality smacks him in the face. Problem is, there is a 15-year-old child, who was panicked last night, because of this reality. I'm glad I was here!I'm angry in a good way. It's easier to detach, this way. Stepmom and dad don't want any help, and I will not push it on them. I WILL continue to be there for my niece. She, also, refuses counseling, and as stepmom is her guardian, there's nothing I can do about it.
I will continue to work MY recovery and hope that some of it rubs off on them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Amy, I'm sorry you're going through this - it is so frustrating when you see something so clearly that they just cant see at all. Hopefully the fog will lift from your Dad's eyes soon and he'll see that she is not only destroying herself but tearing all of you apart.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
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Wow Amy....sounds like it was a "fun" night!
I agree that you can just keep yourself safe, work on your own recovery, and maybe, just maybe, some of your example will rub off on those around you...
Big hugs, HG
I agree that you can just keep yourself safe, work on your own recovery, and maybe, just maybe, some of your example will rub off on those around you...
Big hugs, HG
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
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((Impurrfect))
Wow! Keep up your good work of your recovery.
When you talk about your Dad and how well he handled himself during your active addiction, it is hard to wrap my mind around how he is dealing with his wife.
My prayers are with you and your niece for some serenity.
Wow! Keep up your good work of your recovery.
When you talk about your Dad and how well he handled himself during your active addiction, it is hard to wrap my mind around how he is dealing with his wife.
My prayers are with you and your niece for some serenity.
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(((JMF))) - I think the difference between my addiction and stepmom's is that I always took responsibility for mine. I lived 2 hours away and kept my distance. When I got locked up, ended up in the diversion center back up here, I had a job within 2 weeks. I always knew I was an addict, and freely admitted it.
Stepmom won't admit it, just says "but I'm in pain"..and she is, but she also takes the pills to numb her emotions, too. I said something to dad, the other day, about how I can't and won't get all involved in his and stepmom's issues, as this brings out the codie in me, and that makes me want to get numb, which means get high.
He thanked me for telling him that, and it honestly never occured to him that anything could make me think of getting high...he thinks I'm cured from addiction (I wish!!).
So, while he was great at not enabling ME, I wasn't dependent on him to start with. Stepmom is TOTALLY dependent on him. I told him, the other day, they're both codies. He admits he needs help, but won't do anything about it. I've done MY part...the rest is up to them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Stepmom won't admit it, just says "but I'm in pain"..and she is, but she also takes the pills to numb her emotions, too. I said something to dad, the other day, about how I can't and won't get all involved in his and stepmom's issues, as this brings out the codie in me, and that makes me want to get numb, which means get high.
He thanked me for telling him that, and it honestly never occured to him that anything could make me think of getting high...he thinks I'm cured from addiction (I wish!!).
So, while he was great at not enabling ME, I wasn't dependent on him to start with. Stepmom is TOTALLY dependent on him. I told him, the other day, they're both codies. He admits he needs help, but won't do anything about it. I've done MY part...the rest is up to them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
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I know this HAS to be codie behavior but I seriously wanted to get a video camera and record my son when he was like this so that i could show it to him later. if they saw for themselves how discusting they acted would it be a wakeup call? I never did - i think i was afraid he'd just find it funny or rock-n-roll and not see how low he sank. I told him about this later and he said gee that's funny, when i was high and paranoid, I always thought you had hidden cameras everywhere and was always searching the house for them. Gee guess we were on the same level after all huh?
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(((Winnie))) - I DID take a picture of her while she was on the bathroom floor because she'll tell me she wasn't "that bad". Another time, she had passed out, I took a picture of her with HER phone camera. She doesn't know how to take those pictures off She will be passed out and drooling, and will swear "I was just dozing".
Codie behavior or not, a picture's worth a thousand words
She will be passed out and drooling, and will swear "I was just dozing".Codie behavior or not, a picture's worth a thousand words
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
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((HUGS)) for you Amy
i can relate to your nite - I had a million of those in the past - have to say kinda made me a little nauseated just reading it. Hate for you & Brit to be in that situation - hate it for your Dad & Step-Mom too - but they have choices and can seek help if they want it.
Praying that you & Brit will be able to take care of yourselves and detach with love.
PS - even pictures, video, etc. did not prove anything to my ex A - cold hard proof was still denied, discounted and dismissed. Doesn't matter what "they" saying about their using - trust in what YOU know - "Your refrigerator isn't blue"
i can relate to your nite - I had a million of those in the past - have to say kinda made me a little nauseated just reading it. Hate for you & Brit to be in that situation - hate it for your Dad & Step-Mom too - but they have choices and can seek help if they want it.
Praying that you & Brit will be able to take care of yourselves and detach with love.
PS - even pictures, video, etc. did not prove anything to my ex A - cold hard proof was still denied, discounted and dismissed. Doesn't matter what "they" saying about their using - trust in what YOU know - "Your refrigerator isn't blue"
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
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so sorry your going thru this.
ANd I hate to give you anything more to worry about.......but if stepmom is legal guardian of your neice .................what would happen if she wasnt aval due to jail, rehab, hospital or whatever?
Impurrfect .....You've come so far in your life , really something for you to be proud of
and your great for your neice .......but with stepmom theres nothing you can do until shes ready .......................but you already know that
HUGS
ANd I hate to give you anything more to worry about.......but if stepmom is legal guardian of your neice .................what would happen if she wasnt aval due to jail, rehab, hospital or whatever?
Impurrfect .....You've come so far in your life , really something for you to be proud of
and your great for your neice .......but with stepmom theres nothing you can do until shes ready .......................but you already know that
HUGS
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
I DID take a picture of her while she was on the bathroom floor because she'll tell me she wasn't "that bad".
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
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Amy,
I could only imagine how difficult last night was, I wish i could have been there to help you. As you already know this your dad has to see what she is at them moment for himself. As long as he is in denial and she is her addiction will get much worse.
Hugs to you Amy!!
Jewelz
I could only imagine how difficult last night was, I wish i could have been there to help you. As you already know this your dad has to see what she is at them moment for himself. As long as he is in denial and she is her addiction will get much worse.
Hugs to you Amy!!
Jewelz
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Amy, you handled yourself well and I hope it all calms down in your home very soon. God is definitely with you because that's an awful lot of stress for anyone. My prayers are with you and your family.
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I wish someone had taken a picture of me at my worst! Would come in handy when the disease comes out to play and wants to get me to play, too.
Really sorry you have to deal with this stuff with your Step-mom. You sound like you are handling it well, but it still sounds like total insanity over there. Jeesh, what a disease.
Really sorry you have to deal with this stuff with your Step-mom. You sound like you are handling it well, but it still sounds like total insanity over there. Jeesh, what a disease.
crypticpoet777
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 38
Impuurfect I really have to hand it to you!! I still remember my aunt taking a picture of my dad when he was in a blackout peeing in the kitchen sink. You're doing really well considering all the wackieness you have going on!!
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Amy, Even though my daughter has been clean for 8+ months, she will still deny that she ever nodded off in front of me. Says that she was just tired all those times. So I am afraid that even with pictures your stepmom will still keep herself in denial. It is so hard when they need those pills for legitimate pain but use them for more. Sending some hugs and prayers for you and your family. Marle
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I realized, this morning on the way home from work, I had taken some big steps backwards in my codie recovery
I called dad, yesterday, on the way TO work, and asked if he had given stepmom back her pills...he had. When he asked why, I said "because she's in a great mood". I told him how concerned I am that this will happen again, with it's just stepmom and Brit. He swears, if it happen again, he will drop stepmom off at a clinic and tell them they can have her because he doesn't want her any more...sigh.
We discussed him holding her pills. He says he can't do it, as he may be out of town 2-3 days at a time, and doesnt' always know ahead of time. I said something about ME holding them, he said "well, you didn't volunteer last night"...um, I HAD the darned pills last ngiht!.
I went off on him, about how we had discussed all thi when she was arrested, how everyone was in agreement. However, once she got back to the dr. and got her pain pills, they both said I was overreacting, she wouldn't make the same mistake again..quack, quack, quack.
I finally see that I am trying to make him do what I think he should do. It doesn't look like he wants to do much, at all! I know, a big part of this is fear....if she does something bad enough, Brit would be taken away from us, and that would break my heart.
I need to get past the fear, and walk through these feelings, because I wanted to get NUMB this morning. I am 2 days away from 23 months clean, and I'll be darned if anyone or anything is going to derail me!
Sorry this was so long!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I called dad, yesterday, on the way TO work, and asked if he had given stepmom back her pills...he had. When he asked why, I said "because she's in a great mood". I told him how concerned I am that this will happen again, with it's just stepmom and Brit. He swears, if it happen again, he will drop stepmom off at a clinic and tell them they can have her because he doesn't want her any more...sigh.
We discussed him holding her pills. He says he can't do it, as he may be out of town 2-3 days at a time, and doesnt' always know ahead of time. I said something about ME holding them, he said "well, you didn't volunteer last night"...um, I HAD the darned pills last ngiht!.
I went off on him, about how we had discussed all thi when she was arrested, how everyone was in agreement. However, once she got back to the dr. and got her pain pills, they both said I was overreacting, she wouldn't make the same mistake again..quack, quack, quack.
I finally see that I am trying to make him do what I think he should do. It doesn't look like he wants to do much, at all! I know, a big part of this is fear....if she does something bad enough, Brit would be taken away from us, and that would break my heart.
I need to get past the fear, and walk through these feelings, because I wanted to get NUMB this morning. I am 2 days away from 23 months clean, and I'll be darned if anyone or anything is going to derail me!
Sorry this was so long!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Amy, having a front row seat at the drama of addiction is a terrible place to be.
If it wasn't for your niece, I would suggest finding another place to live. I can "hear" how this is jeopardizing your own recovery and your very life may depend on taking care of yourself right now. I know it would break your heart to lose Brit, but would "someplace else" not be a better place for her to live as well? Or are there any Alateen meetings in your area that she could go to? That girl is going to need help, if not now then most certainly later. These things affect children in a huge way.
My prayers go out for all of you, and I pray that maybe somehow you and your niece can get away from the insanity there.
Big Hugs and Lots of Prayers
If it wasn't for your niece, I would suggest finding another place to live. I can "hear" how this is jeopardizing your own recovery and your very life may depend on taking care of yourself right now. I know it would break your heart to lose Brit, but would "someplace else" not be a better place for her to live as well? Or are there any Alateen meetings in your area that she could go to? That girl is going to need help, if not now then most certainly later. These things affect children in a huge way.
My prayers go out for all of you, and I pray that maybe somehow you and your niece can get away from the insanity there.
Big Hugs and Lots of Prayers
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Amy after talking last night, it just really seemed clear that neither your stepmom or dad has hit bottom yet in this situation. You are going to hit bottom sooner becuase you know better than anyone what is going on - its frustrating because they cant see what is so clear to all of us. They're completely in denial and nothing can change while they are in denial. This is hard for you I know but there is nothing you can do to get them to see the reality. What you can do is keep your self ontrack. You are all being tested right now. But your focus is more on how they are doing with their test instead of how you can pass your own. You have to try to find how you can emotionally detach from them.
You passed on the information - they know how you feel. Now you have to let it go and let it be their problem and their consequences - no matter what that means. I know how hard this is when you feel surrounded - but i found that when i did this with my son that at least some peace came back in the house for myself and my daughter. The problems didnt go away and i still worried about him but the drama did subside. I also think that if she ever passes out again that even though you CAN handle it medically that you shouldnt. This is because stepmom and dad are relying on you to keep her safe and that's not your responsibility its her's. I know why you do it but if you do want to take a stand then the best thing is to let them face the real consequences. If they ask you why you just say that in your medical opinion she needed more than you could do at home.
I'm in the legal field and in all honesty I know that I could have gotten my son out of all the trouble legally he has gotten into. But I didnt because he needs to see what real consequences are. So I sit in court and I shut my mouth even though I see legal loopholes all over the place. Helping him get out of legal trouble is not helping him. I've had financial consequences for all of this too and its been hard but in the long run the financial consequences are less if i let him fall a few times hard then what i would deal with if i let him continuously screw up and get out of it.
There is nothing that kills denial more than a huge dose of reality. When my son woke up in the hospital after OD'ing he could finally deny no longer that he was an addict. It was a giant leap forward for him. Once the docs runs a blood test on her they will have the proof that will be hard for your dad to deny and they will be in contact with her doctors.
You passed on the information - they know how you feel. Now you have to let it go and let it be their problem and their consequences - no matter what that means. I know how hard this is when you feel surrounded - but i found that when i did this with my son that at least some peace came back in the house for myself and my daughter. The problems didnt go away and i still worried about him but the drama did subside. I also think that if she ever passes out again that even though you CAN handle it medically that you shouldnt. This is because stepmom and dad are relying on you to keep her safe and that's not your responsibility its her's. I know why you do it but if you do want to take a stand then the best thing is to let them face the real consequences. If they ask you why you just say that in your medical opinion she needed more than you could do at home.
I'm in the legal field and in all honesty I know that I could have gotten my son out of all the trouble legally he has gotten into. But I didnt because he needs to see what real consequences are. So I sit in court and I shut my mouth even though I see legal loopholes all over the place. Helping him get out of legal trouble is not helping him. I've had financial consequences for all of this too and its been hard but in the long run the financial consequences are less if i let him fall a few times hard then what i would deal with if i let him continuously screw up and get out of it.
There is nothing that kills denial more than a huge dose of reality. When my son woke up in the hospital after OD'ing he could finally deny no longer that he was an addict. It was a giant leap forward for him. Once the docs runs a blood test on her they will have the proof that will be hard for your dad to deny and they will be in contact with her doctors.
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Thanks again!
I talked to him, again, yesterday and apologized. Apparently I HAD stepped on his toes.
I did tell him that it's not fair that Brit and I have to be subjected to this, as stepmom usually does it when he's out of town, and he agreed.
I also told him that if she was bad enough that I felt I needed to watch her, to make sure she was breathing, I would call an ambulance and he and stepmom could deal with the consequences from that (thanks WInnie!)
When I told him this was affecting MY recovery, he didn't seem to care. Ouch. Though it hurt my feelings, as long as I continue to put my recovery first, that's all that matters.
At one point, he snapped "I'm just trying to survive!"
So, I've been put in my place. Hopefully, the next time a crisis comes up and they all come running to me, I will remember to STAY in my place and let them deal with it.
I am "hormotional" from pms and would seriously like to have Ann's bunny slippers and frying pan
((Ann)) I totally agree that I need to move out, but financially, I just can't do it, right now. My hours were cut back, severely, at work for almost 9 months, and I am just, now, at the point where I am making a little progress, instead of going further into debt. I AM looking, though, and have prayed that HP finds a place for me and my cats (yes, they are going with me...stepmom baically ignores them).
I'm okay. My using urges are mostly gone..just the occasional thought, and iit is quickly gone. Once the hormones get back to normal, I will be back to myhppy self.
hugs and prayers!
Amy
I talked to him, again, yesterday and apologized. Apparently I HAD stepped on his toes.
I did tell him that it's not fair that Brit and I have to be subjected to this, as stepmom usually does it when he's out of town, and he agreed.
I also told him that if she was bad enough that I felt I needed to watch her, to make sure she was breathing, I would call an ambulance and he and stepmom could deal with the consequences from that (thanks WInnie!)
When I told him this was affecting MY recovery, he didn't seem to care. Ouch. Though it hurt my feelings, as long as I continue to put my recovery first, that's all that matters.
At one point, he snapped "I'm just trying to survive!"
So, I've been put in my place. Hopefully, the next time a crisis comes up and they all come running to me, I will remember to STAY in my place and let them deal with it.
I am "hormotional" from pms and would seriously like to have Ann's bunny slippers and frying pan
((Ann)) I totally agree that I need to move out, but financially, I just can't do it, right now. My hours were cut back, severely, at work for almost 9 months, and I am just, now, at the point where I am making a little progress, instead of going further into debt. I AM looking, though, and have prayed that HP finds a place for me and my cats (yes, they are going with me...stepmom baically ignores them).
I'm okay. My using urges are mostly gone..just the occasional thought, and iit is quickly gone. Once the hormones get back to normal, I will be back to myhppy self.
hugs and prayers!
Amy
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