timetogo

I have had virtually no contact with my AH for almost 2 months now (even though we live under the same roof at the moment). Any time we have spoken, it has been riddled with tension and usually ends up in a p*ss*ng match.

My 18 year old daughter has to have surgery next week (her wisdom teeth out) and I know he will want to come. We have to drive 1.5 hours from our home to do this so that means spending 3 hours in a car together. He can't drive (dui's) so he can't take a separate car or anything. Part of me wants him to come because I don't know what to expect driving home with her. Part of me doesn't want him to come because I want to "stay mad" at him. I know, once we are apart, that I will have to deal with him for the rest of my life because we share children together (weddings, grads, etc.) but I don't feel ready to have a "friendship" with him -- it hurts too much.

Ultimately, it is up to me -- I am the driver after all! Hell, he probably doesn't even remember that she is having it done. Should I ask him to come? Have others had to deal with similar situations and how did you get through it?

GiveLove

He probably doesn't, and you might be awfulizing this, ttg. This isn't life-threatening surgery, it's wisdom teeth (and from personal experience, people coming up from dental anesthesia are usually pretty easy to be around....I slept all the way home!) Personally, I wouldn't bring it up. If he ASKS you if you will take him, that's another issue entirely. Being trapped in a car for three hours having a big fight in front of your post-surgery daughter doesn't sound too kind to her. After all YOU didn't lose his driver's license for him, did you?

You have YEARS to decide whether this is someone you want to be friends with. Now is not the time....you aren't even separated yet!!!

Step away from the addict

dothi

Is there any reason why you must be his transportation if he chooses to come? It's unclear from your previous posts whether you're planning on separation. Did you make an agreement to be his chauffeur while he can't drive? I just don't see why he can't be like the rest of society and take a bus so he learns the lesson from his DUIs? If there's no bus, then he has to arrange a ride - and he certainly been able to "disappear" on you before without taking his own vehicle!

What is so helpless to you about this man? He sounds very accomplished in his ways to me.

Barbara52

Does your daughter want him there? If not, problem solved. If she does, let him find his own way there.

Freedom1990

Why does he need to be there?

My 20 year old had all 4 wisdom teeth out at the same time (it was an hour drive one way).

I sat in the waiting room while she had it done, then I sat with her in the recovery room while she was waking up, and she slept most of the way home.

If there is that much tension between the two of you, I don't see where your daughter would benefit from his presence too, unless I'm missing something.