NAP

Well I'm happy to be 26 days sober but I'm finding it a bit of a lonely existence. I've gone to a couple of gatherings with my drinking mates and have stood up fine there - no desire to drink, but I've had some funny reactions and to be honest, I could only stay a couple hours before needing to escape and be by myself. Maybe this is playing with fire but I don't have many sober friends yet and still need to be somewhat social.

The awkward feeling I get in social situations was always there but it doesn't go away now. I used to just drink until it went away and now I find myself fumbling for words. The stranger part of not drinking is peoples' reaction to your not drinking - I think it threatens some and some people just look at you like you're a freak. Sure they're all congratulatory etc etc but they don't stick around for long before bolting to another conversation or another drink.

I've just moved into my own place which makes it worse and better - no influences around but nothing but time on my hands. You wouldn't believe all that I get done in a day now!?!?

I live overseas from my family and have done for 4 years. I spent 4 years building up a social network and now I feel I have to start all over again, and it's daunting. I've been to one AA meeting but think I must start going more often.

Thanks for all your posts, they have been a help :-)

Rusty Zipper

welcome pisshead...

my site name is the result of too much of it... lol

good wishes...

least

I have no solutions for you as I tend to be rather solitary myself, by choice. I can only say that whatever the problem, drinking is NOT the answer... as I just found out two days ago. Going to more AA mtgs may be good for you and help you to establish a social network that doesn't involve drinking.

Welcome to our family and I'm glad you found us! Keep coming back!

:ghug3

weekendbinger

Welcome NewAge! You can certainly spend hours on SR.....which really will help you feel more social! Maybe start a new hobbie? Book club, healthclub, church? Take a class.....cooking, photography???? What are your interest?

:ghug2

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, newage! keep posting! hugs, k

Fubarcdn

Welcome Newage. I have been on this forum a lot of the time since I quit and it keeps me from getting bored although I do need to get some new hobbies. It is a little like watching different shows on TV and reacting to them.
I know what you mean by people looking at you as if you are weird as I ventured out for the first time on Saturday but only stayed a few minutes.

KindBird

I am just 15 days but also have the experience of feelings coming up that I used to drink with, but it feels so new, odd, and yes lonely to just sit with them. It helped me to let someone know what I was going thorough - in this case my husband (he is not much of a drinker but got it about sitting with these feelings).. Also, posting here like you are doing seems like a great way. It is all such new stuff. Sometimes I think "is this all there is..?"

So, do you like being called "newage" or "pisshead" better? Just had to ask.

sfgirl

I totally get it. I live alone too. And ever since I got sober I spend an amazing amount of time by myself. I have gotten to the point where I love it but I think everyone is different. I almost feel that my years of drinking and socializing was not really my real self. But it is strange getting used to. I know when my roommate left I had a difficult transition to living alone and now you couldn't pay me to live with someone. One thing that I don't know if it is good advice or not but I did it and he has become the world to me— I got a dog, actually a few months before I got sober, and he gets me out and about every day, gets me talking to people in the street, seriously the social life I have around my dog rivals any bar social life I had (pretty dorky right?). And my dog loves me unconditionally. And I love him so much....

lunarise

Newage...Congrats on 26 days!!! Yeah!!! I haven't ventured the bar scene, I'm not sure I could deal with that, however I have tried to hang with some people that I used to drink with since getting sober and yeah the conversations are a little quieter and seem honestly a lot less interesting to me. I used to like to spill it all out when I was drinking, talk about anything, nothing was off limits, now.....the real me, the sober me is still willing but not shouting it from the rooftops. Things are likely to be weird for a bit. Definitely find some sober friends or just one to start. It will get easier....it has to...look at all those sober peeps out there having fun.....I wish you the best

December15

Hi NAP. You situation sounds similar to mine. I'm 34 days sober, living in another country and spend far too much time alone. One thing that's helped is getting a new hobby, over the past year I have been into outdoor mountain trekking which gives me something to look forward to on the weekends. You are in Australia, so there must be many outdoor activities you could get into. Keep us updated on your progress.

sobrietyseeker

Congratulations on 26 days! Keep it up!

I totally know what you are talking about. That is one of the main reasons I would drink so much. Not only was it an addiction, but I had convinced myself that I was bored.

Now that I've stopped, I write a lot.

I work on specific projects after work and it keeps my mind challenged. (like it isn't already challenged enough as it is!)

Anyway, all the best.

CarolD

I found many interesting sober friends in AA meetings...

Congratulations on your sober time!

yeahgr8

yup i know exactly what you mean, it's a matter of creating a new social life of sorts which would have been a damn site easier whilst drinking, it was easy to meet fellow pissheads as misery loves company hehe

seriously though i have decided to go to group social anxiety therapy, i am really struggling with going out for lunches and dinners etc, i end up saying nothing and wanting to go home...quite a contrast to the guy 4 months ago who would rool in at 6am!

oh well i think its pretty normal, i am lucky to have my ex who comes to see me and am pretty invested in my work...i think patience is definitely the word for us! I have had 3 days since being sober of even moving and commuting to be closer to people i know, this would mean 8 flights a month and even talked to my director about this...got to be careful of my brain sometimes!!! (obviously this is not a consideration anymore...crazy).

i think it gets better with time though, actually i am quite confident about that, hope we both make some new friends:-)