stubborn....day 1 again
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stubborn....day 1 again
Managed to bring my weedsmoking down to every other day. Just for today i'm gonna tip the scale. Slept enough (altough it was not a deep sober sleep), meditated for 15 min., busy schedule, fun stuff....it should go well..
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day 2, has just started for me, slept excellent, very deep, dreaming a lot, can't remember about what. Meditated for about fifteen minutes, took a hot shower, ate a good healthy breakfast, read some stuff in het big book, about the first step,
I really really don't now what to more to start this day in a good way
....
gotta go to work
I really really don't now what to more to start this day in a good way
....gotta go to work
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day 2 is coming to an end...sober...
it's 22:25, worked all day, went excersising like a raging bull, took a long hot shower and still i'm energetic, very sexual too. Anyways, it has been a good day. Had some headaches, started smoking sigs around 14:00, but that's still 14:00 so....tomorrow i'm gonna try 15:00. I'm not taking anything against the headaches, i'm not taking herbal sleeping pills anymore. The sleepyness i feared yesterday has arrived i guess, but I have go to through this entirely sober...no more replacements!!!! Some of my college's could see i'm not the person i'm normally am, my eyes look blurred and unfocused. I had to laugh very very loud when one of them asked me if I was on drugs or something....hahahaha...
I remembered when i was 16 and in highschool, i was quitting weed for a few days, and I was all ADHD in class, talking too fast and loud, eyes wide open. my teacher asked me if I was on drugs too, then i started rambling and she kicked me out of the class hahaha.
anyways, if i dont slow down in an hour or so i'm gonna try some relaxation meditation, corpse pose yoga style...
it's 22:25, worked all day, went excersising like a raging bull, took a long hot shower and still i'm energetic, very sexual too. Anyways, it has been a good day. Had some headaches, started smoking sigs around 14:00, but that's still 14:00 so....tomorrow i'm gonna try 15:00. I'm not taking anything against the headaches, i'm not taking herbal sleeping pills anymore. The sleepyness i feared yesterday has arrived i guess, but I have go to through this entirely sober...no more replacements!!!! Some of my college's could see i'm not the person i'm normally am, my eyes look blurred and unfocused. I had to laugh very very loud when one of them asked me if I was on drugs or something....hahahaha...
I remembered when i was 16 and in highschool, i was quitting weed for a few days, and I was all ADHD in class, talking too fast and loud, eyes wide open. my teacher asked me if I was on drugs too, then i started rambling and she kicked me out of the class hahaha.
anyways, if i dont slow down in an hour or so i'm gonna try some relaxation meditation, corpse pose yoga style...
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edit...
during the day i suddenly remember very vividly what i was dreaming about last night...
playing wii music with some weird people hahaha...at least a lot better then the dark, cold apocolyptic being chased dreams i normally have
during the day i suddenly remember very vividly what i was dreaming about last night...
playing wii music with some weird people hahaha...at least a lot better then the dark, cold apocolyptic being chased dreams i normally have
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Brother, right on. That's awesome to be weaning off of marijuana, no matter what others say. Just make sure it's not an excuse to continue just a bit (as it would be for me), and make sure you don't find yourself after a week sober justifying your use because you haven't been smoking every day. Those damn justifications are always excuses and end up screwing us up man!
It also sounds like you're doing what you need to be doing.... keeping busy. Exercising, meditating, all constructive practices to keep your mind and body away from filling void time with marijuana.
More power to you man. Keep on keepin' on
It also sounds like you're doing what you need to be doing.... keeping busy. Exercising, meditating, all constructive practices to keep your mind and body away from filling void time with marijuana.
More power to you man. Keep on keepin' on
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thanks man...
i've always been very good at making justifications...my biggest pitfalls...sometimes the newly sober highs can be as dangerous as those newly sober lows...
been working on this stuff for a good four or five years now...it's about darn time i get my #$%^ life straight haha...
i've always been very good at making justifications...my biggest pitfalls...sometimes the newly sober highs can be as dangerous as those newly sober lows...
been working on this stuff for a good four or five years now...it's about darn time i get my #$%^ life straight haha...
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this is day......3, for a moment i could not remember haha...
During the day it was hell at work. My hands were shaking like leaves every once in a while untill i found out that small amounts of sugar helped,so i ate a m&m every once in a while. I even had some small hallucinations, tunnelvision and stuff. My mind was a bouncing ball, choatic and unfocused. Still i managed to make it through the day working, and i finished most of it so....
I'm completey honest about my recovery against the girl i'm dating. This is a huge step for me, cause i always thought i was alone about my addiction problems. thought that i was somekind of freak so i had to solve this all by myself. She is completey cool about it and very supportive wich is great. I can call her anytime i want to, when i feel bad or when i;m cravings and such. it feels very good, somehow i never managed to open up against my ex. We still play things cool, taking our time, wich is great also. I'm very content about it.
It has been a good day...
During the day it was hell at work. My hands were shaking like leaves every once in a while untill i found out that small amounts of sugar helped,so i ate a m&m every once in a while. I even had some small hallucinations, tunnelvision and stuff. My mind was a bouncing ball, choatic and unfocused. Still i managed to make it through the day working, and i finished most of it so....
I'm completey honest about my recovery against the girl i'm dating. This is a huge step for me, cause i always thought i was alone about my addiction problems. thought that i was somekind of freak so i had to solve this all by myself. She is completey cool about it and very supportive wich is great. I can call her anytime i want to, when i feel bad or when i;m cravings and such. it feels very good, somehow i never managed to open up against my ex. We still play things cool, taking our time, wich is great also. I'm very content about it.
It has been a good day...
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morning of day 5...
yesterday i've been doing all kinds of stuff in a frenzy, just to keep busy and not think too much about drugs and stuff.
allready i can see some healthy changes. My cheecks have more colour, my eyes are brighter, and even the dark circles around my eyes are slowly declining. I have a lot more energy when i work out, and my body recoveres faster after.
Blood circulation has increased overall, and my short-term memory is slowly kickstarting.
Decided to slow down with coffee, yesterday evening i drank three small cups in about an hour, it took me three to four hours to stop shaking, letting stuff drop out of my hands, knocking things over hahaha. A cup every once in a while can't hurt, but i have to be carefull.
Even tonight i slept for only six hours, but when i used to do that stoned or drunk i was completely depressed and apathic the next day. Now i feel just fine! Proberly i will get very tired in the evening, but that's my good right after a full day's work.
Today i will do all that i can to make it a good day
yesterday i've been doing all kinds of stuff in a frenzy, just to keep busy and not think too much about drugs and stuff.
allready i can see some healthy changes. My cheecks have more colour, my eyes are brighter, and even the dark circles around my eyes are slowly declining. I have a lot more energy when i work out, and my body recoveres faster after.
Blood circulation has increased overall, and my short-term memory is slowly kickstarting.
Decided to slow down with coffee, yesterday evening i drank three small cups in about an hour, it took me three to four hours to stop shaking, letting stuff drop out of my hands, knocking things over hahaha. A cup every once in a while can't hurt, but i have to be carefull.
Even tonight i slept for only six hours, but when i used to do that stoned or drunk i was completely depressed and apathic the next day. Now i feel just fine! Proberly i will get very tired in the evening, but that's my good right after a full day's work.
Today i will do all that i can to make it a good day
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day 6,
my sleeping is improving. I slept for seven hours hours. Vivid dreams again, but not scary or confusing. I guess my brain is starting to be able to proces more data.
I used to have tunnelvision, not it's much more wider and brighter. Don''t now the english words for it exactly to describe it.
Yesterday i told the girl i was dating (once again), that i was rather alone and sober then drunk or stoned and with her. That i was doing this for myself and not for anyone else. She accepts it, and supports me, but i doubt if she fully understands...it doesn't matter anyways, it's my path to follow. I hope we can make it together, cause i really really like her. But if I don't do this now, i'll be dead (mentally and or physically) before my time. And then ít'll never work anyways. If you aren't prepared to lose you shouldn't play the game.
Tonight i'm going to a hip-hop show with some collegeau's, really looking forward to it. Drinking water with ice, dancing, having good clean fun.
In a day or two, three I'm also gonna quit smoking. Most people here would disagree, that i should take my time quitting one thing at a time. But for me it just doesn't work that way. I tired and kinda messed up anyways, so I can better go all the way down before I climb up again.
today is gonna be my best day so far in recovery...
my sleeping is improving. I slept for seven hours hours. Vivid dreams again, but not scary or confusing. I guess my brain is starting to be able to proces more data.
I used to have tunnelvision, not it's much more wider and brighter. Don''t now the english words for it exactly to describe it.
Yesterday i told the girl i was dating (once again), that i was rather alone and sober then drunk or stoned and with her. That i was doing this for myself and not for anyone else. She accepts it, and supports me, but i doubt if she fully understands...it doesn't matter anyways, it's my path to follow. I hope we can make it together, cause i really really like her. But if I don't do this now, i'll be dead (mentally and or physically) before my time. And then ít'll never work anyways. If you aren't prepared to lose you shouldn't play the game.
Tonight i'm going to a hip-hop show with some collegeau's, really looking forward to it. Drinking water with ice, dancing, having good clean fun
. In a day or two, three I'm also gonna quit smoking. Most people here would disagree, that i should take my time quitting one thing at a time. But for me it just doesn't work that way. I tired and kinda messed up anyways, so I can better go all the way down before I climb up again.
today is gonna be my best day so far in recovery...
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day 7, four more minutes and it's the start of day 8
the show was sweet. Been partying like an animal hahaha..on water....After the show was finished we went to a local club...there i partied on fruitjuice, chewing gum and a cheeseburger...I had a great night, and a clear conformation that I dont' need anything to have a good time. (have know this deep inside for a long long time, but addiction and fear makes me doubt sometime).
Today (sunday) i had a super chillout day. Had an excellent mediation, went very deep and everything became silent and peacefull for a while. Went to to beach to get some fresh air with a friend. Ate healhty stuff. Watched Troy with my date. It's my favorite movie, she never seen it before but it made her very enthousiastic.
Now i'm very very tired, and i'm gonna get a good eight hours sleep. This week my sleeping has gone from 2 hours to 8 hours. I still wake up sometimes, but now i can roll over and i fall back to sleep again in a minute or two.
Looking forward to a good meditation in the morning, work during the day, and excersising and playing videogames in the evening.
I still really really really want to quit smoking sigarettes, maybe i'll visit my doctor and ask for advice how to do this properly. Last time I did it I was constipated for two weeks. Almost had to go the the hospital if it lasted a week more or so. That stuff scares me a bit, same as the stress and agrvitation that comes with it. I have patches at home, but they make me woozy, and too energic.
the show was sweet. Been partying like an animal hahaha..on water....After the show was finished we went to a local club...there i partied on fruitjuice, chewing gum and a cheeseburger
...I had a great night, and a clear conformation that I dont' need anything to have a good time. (have know this deep inside for a long long time, but addiction and fear makes me doubt sometime).Today (sunday) i had a super chillout day. Had an excellent mediation, went very deep and everything became silent and peacefull for a while. Went to to beach to get some fresh air with a friend. Ate healhty stuff. Watched Troy with my date. It's my favorite movie, she never seen it before but it made her very enthousiastic.
Now i'm very very tired, and i'm gonna get a good eight hours sleep. This week my sleeping has gone from 2 hours to 8 hours. I still wake up sometimes, but now i can roll over and i fall back to sleep again in a minute or two.
Looking forward to a good meditation in the morning, work during the day, and excersising and playing videogames in the evening
. I still really really really want to quit smoking sigarettes, maybe i'll visit my doctor and ask for advice how to do this properly. Last time I did it I was constipated for two weeks. Almost had to go the the hospital if it lasted a week more or so. That stuff scares me a bit, same as the stress and agrvitation that comes with it. I have patches at home, but they make me woozy, and too energic.
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day eight, almost bedtime..
after working out i didn't play videogames, spend almost an hour to write a very very big email to a friend. I told her about six months ago that i didnt want any more contact with her. I just couldn't take it, back then i was destroying loads of good friendships because i was just too messed up. Couldn't deal with emotions good either bad. Making peace with my past. Even told my parents last week how messed up i've been, never told them this before in my life. I kinda stayed out of detail tough, cause otherwise especially my mother will get very worried about me. She will sleep bad. I don't want to do this to her.
This actually feels a lot better then gaming. Tomorrow there will be another day to lead chocobo through dungeons to bring people back there memories hahahaha. I'm such a geek boy.
I made an appointment wensday with my doctor for advice and councelling how to stop smoking cigarettes. I think i had the worst with weed smoking i think. Sometimes i suddenly still get tired, or a bit shaky, or a bit grumpy, but i think i can handle it. Not that i get too confident and let my guard down. Still a long way to go. But i've been reflecting, learning, falling and getting up again for so long now, i know most of my pitfalls. Plus i have this website and all the wonderfull people here. Still a great source of strenght.
The last few days almost five people have said my eyes are shining and so blue and bright they can't look at them too long..people that don't know i'm in recovery i love this kinda stuff
This sounds silly, but i acually think animals like me more too. Dogs have been coming up to me happy and cuddly, cats come sit on my lap. I always loved animals with all my hart. But being messed up somehow they could feel it i guess, they stayed away. Dogs barking, cats ignoring me etc. etc. Even my pet snake pays more attention to me. Maybe my aura is cleaning up too???
Now i'm off to bed,
after working out i didn't play videogames, spend almost an hour to write a very very big email to a friend. I told her about six months ago that i didnt want any more contact with her. I just couldn't take it, back then i was destroying loads of good friendships because i was just too messed up. Couldn't deal with emotions good either bad. Making peace with my past. Even told my parents last week how messed up i've been, never told them this before in my life. I kinda stayed out of detail tough, cause otherwise especially my mother will get very worried about me. She will sleep bad. I don't want to do this to her.
This actually feels a lot better then gaming. Tomorrow there will be another day to lead chocobo through dungeons to bring people back there memories hahahaha. I'm such a geek boy.
I made an appointment wensday with my doctor for advice and councelling how to stop smoking cigarettes. I think i had the worst with weed smoking i think. Sometimes i suddenly still get tired, or a bit shaky, or a bit grumpy, but i think i can handle it. Not that i get too confident and let my guard down. Still a long way to go. But i've been reflecting, learning, falling and getting up again for so long now, i know most of my pitfalls. Plus i have this website and all the wonderfull people here. Still a great source of strenght.
The last few days almost five people have said my eyes are shining and so blue and bright they can't look at them too long
..people that don't know i'm in recovery i love this kinda stuff This sounds silly, but i acually think animals like me more too. Dogs have been coming up to me happy and cuddly, cats come sit on my lap. I always loved animals with all my hart. But being messed up somehow they could feel it i guess, they stayed away. Dogs barking, cats ignoring me etc. etc. Even my pet snake pays more attention to me. Maybe my aura is cleaning up too???
Now i'm off to bed,
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