another awareness......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
another awareness......
Hi Friends,
I have been trying to stop giving my husband money for drinking. Yesterday he called me at work and said "I thought you would leave me dome money because you know I don't have any." And he asked for me to give him a check. I have been hiding my checks. So I said no, I don't want to give you money for drinking and if you want money you will have to go to work. So when I got home he started asking me for money again. I started saying no and then he said that he would go to the corner store and ask them to loan him the money until later. I felt embarassed that he would ask the store for a loan, so I gave him $5. This upset me, how can I have a relationship with someone that begs me for money to drink? I went through this before, and I decided that I was trying to change him by withholding money to drink. But now I know I am not trying to control him. I am just trying to control what is mine - my money.
So the awareness is that he truely cannot do without drinking, that he would lower himself to begging for money from his wife or asking a local store to "loan" him money. I know this is nothing new for all of you, but it is a new awareness for me.
I have been trying to stop giving my husband money for drinking. Yesterday he called me at work and said "I thought you would leave me dome money because you know I don't have any." And he asked for me to give him a check. I have been hiding my checks. So I said no, I don't want to give you money for drinking and if you want money you will have to go to work. So when I got home he started asking me for money again. I started saying no and then he said that he would go to the corner store and ask them to loan him the money until later. I felt embarassed that he would ask the store for a loan, so I gave him $5. This upset me, how can I have a relationship with someone that begs me for money to drink? I went through this before, and I decided that I was trying to change him by withholding money to drink. But now I know I am not trying to control him. I am just trying to control what is mine - my money.
So the awareness is that he truely cannot do without drinking, that he would lower himself to begging for money from his wife or asking a local store to "loan" him money. I know this is nothing new for all of you, but it is a new awareness for me.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Rose
I'm not sure that this is a workable answer for you, but I had to go to the stores in my area and specifically tell them not to "lend" money to my son as he was an addict and would not be able to repay it and that I would not take responsibility.
This was embarrassing for me, but not as embarrasing as having them call me to ask for repayment.
You might tell him that if he does this, you will not repay the money and that he could be charged.
In the end it is their responsiblity to pay the consequences for their actions. It's your money Rose, and I know you look after all the finances, and I think it is wise that you keep your checkbook and bank cards close by.
Sending hugs. Lord knows we need all the hugs we can get.
Ann
I'm not sure that this is a workable answer for you, but I had to go to the stores in my area and specifically tell them not to "lend" money to my son as he was an addict and would not be able to repay it and that I would not take responsibility.
This was embarrassing for me, but not as embarrasing as having them call me to ask for repayment.
You might tell him that if he does this, you will not repay the money and that he could be charged.
In the end it is their responsiblity to pay the consequences for their actions. It's your money Rose, and I know you look after all the finances, and I think it is wise that you keep your checkbook and bank cards close by.
Sending hugs. Lord knows we need all the hugs we can get.
Ann
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
I think what Ann said is excellant. The thing I wanted to add is that you need to keep in mind that what he does is separate from you. I had to learn this with my son...I would be embarrassed by his behavior and that would sometimes motivate me to do things I wouldn't want to...like give him $5.
You are providing your husband with food and shelter, along with your patience...that is alot..
Hugs,
JT
You are providing your husband with food and shelter, along with your patience...that is alot..
Hugs,
JT
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