PASSAGEWEST

Hi

I am NEW to this. Have been dating a good guy, gentle, loving for 23 months. For the past 4-5 months, it seems every Friday after work he gets antsy and he must have a drink. Not just one. Usually at least 6 beer. And chain smokes. And a joint.

This is not the person I knew when we first started dating. It seems nothing else matters except getting his "fix". I don't think I can live with this as I have a 10 year old son.

I guess I am naive, that I did not see the signs earlier, but this stuff is new to me. Why do they do it??? HELP, sometimes there is little consolation for the pain with knowledge...

passagewest

Ann

Passagewest

Welcome to the best recovery site this side of codependency. You will find wonderful people here who have been where you are and who are supportive and loving. You are no longer alone.

Take a read around, read the powerposts at the top of the Al-Anon and Nar-Anon boards and just make yourself comfortable.

I think it is wise that you are taking a serious look at your relationship and considering the impact on your son. Sadly, there is nothing you can do to change the drinker, but there are many things you can do to help yourself get balanced again and heal from the shock.

If you haven't already been to an Al-Anon meeting, I suggest you give yourself the best gift ever and go. There you will find live support and people who can guide you through working the 12-step program which is a terrific plan that will help you with all things in your life.

Others will be along to welcome you also, so just keep reading and feel free to post as often as you like. We care.

Hugs
Ann

smoke gets in my eyes

Hello Passagewest, and welcome!

Alcoholics and drug users are individuals. Their "whys" are individual. He may not even know why himself. Besides, to you, it simply doesn't matter. Knowing he's anesthetizing some deep psychological hurt may conjure some sympathy in you, but it won't change the fact that his behavior is damaging your life.

If you don't want to live with this behavior.... don't. I applaud your thoughts going first to your son and the effect this could have on him. That's a very real and crucial concern.

If you haven't checked out alanon meetings in your area, please consider that. And you might also want to read some of the "power posts" that are at the top of the alanon and naranon forums. Just some good info contributed by our members.

Hugs,
Smoke

PASSAGEWEST

thank you. all your letters are very informative, this has been a real eye opener! thanks so much. Very helpful site....

PASSAGEWEST

Actually, I was wondering, why does it seem he was on his best behaviour, now he is getting worse? And if I try to talk to him, he goes silent. Does this mean he is manipulating alcoholic, and if so then he kinda knows he has a problem, right? That is a mouthful, but I think I am learning this stuff at a lightning's pace. I know it is not his fault, blah blah blah, but I cant live with it.

And, how do we approach an alcoholic? Lots of love, yes, but we have to protect our feelings too. It is so complicated, yet easy at the same time.

I will let him know I love him, but I cant stick around while he destroys himself. His dad commited suicide, maybe it is in his genes...

oh my, life can be heavy....