How do they do it?
A Brand New Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
How do they do it?
I have calculated the monthly bills with daycare and my car note as well as food diapers etc not even counting food for myself I am close to 2100 a month I am living at my parents and only make 1900 after taxes how in the hell will I ever support myself on my own? My ex only sends 100-150 every 2 weeks and I cannot afford to do anything. I don't understand, he makes 4000 a month and does whatever he wants with it and yet can't find it in his heart to help us at all? He says "I do help-and you have a pissy attitude that it isn't enough, I am sick of your attitude". I am not trying to have an attitude, I work 9 hours a day with students and have 10 minutes for lunch then come home and take care of my child until 8pm, she is very little so I have to devote all my evening to tending for her. Why can't he understand? He is partying and doing his own thing and doesn't care about us. What do I do, I feel so stuck and desperate...I cried at the store when I was buying her formula with my last dollar and wondering how the hell I am going to get gas next week for work. I don't understand? When I called he was visiting a friend and going to buy a burger, he doesn't care that he put me in this situation and now I am so financially desperate. It does not seem fair and it is affecting my attitude so badly...I am not trying to be negative, but he only wants to talk to me if its light and fun...never about money. I feel like a baby mama bugging him for money when he swears he loves us and wants to help. I am so frustrated, why are his parents letting him get away with this? He has no bills none not one..they pay his insurance and he has a car they gave him...why can't he help us? I have tried to ignore him but I cannot because I need money right now and I need him to help I cannot afford things at all right now...it is as if he enjoys the control of me being in a **** poor situation...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
is his child support court ordered? seems kinda low but every state and country is different on that. If its not you need to get in front of a judge immediately. I'm not sure where you live so its hard to say but I know for what you are making in my area since you have a baby you may qualify for social services like WIC and sometimes assistance with childcare.
Its very hard - when my son was a baby, I made a little more than you but probably came out about the same because i didnt get any child support. I would suggest a serious review of your budget. I did that recently, downsized on home, cut out any things i didnt need (cellphone plans, cable, getting nails done - those kind of things really add up), got into a cheaper car, got cheaper insurance, started going to the bargain grocery stores and second hand shops for clothes and i went through every bill in detail to see if i was being overcharged on some things - and i was. I sold some things and got a few bills paid off and at one point had to get some help - my church and some family members/friends helped me just to get my head above water. I never took charity in my life but I had to this year. It probably took me close to a year to really see the difference but now i'm living in a budget that i can afford and do have money left over after paying bills (not much but enough to make me feel secure). There is lots of help out there and with a baby you really need to seek it out becuase you get first dibs for most services. There are also a lot of charitable organizations that help single moms - especially those in situations like yours so start talking to people and see what's out there. While your at your parents do everything you can to get all of your debts paid off.
Its very hard - when my son was a baby, I made a little more than you but probably came out about the same because i didnt get any child support. I would suggest a serious review of your budget. I did that recently, downsized on home, cut out any things i didnt need (cellphone plans, cable, getting nails done - those kind of things really add up), got into a cheaper car, got cheaper insurance, started going to the bargain grocery stores and second hand shops for clothes and i went through every bill in detail to see if i was being overcharged on some things - and i was. I sold some things and got a few bills paid off and at one point had to get some help - my church and some family members/friends helped me just to get my head above water. I never took charity in my life but I had to this year. It probably took me close to a year to really see the difference but now i'm living in a budget that i can afford and do have money left over after paying bills (not much but enough to make me feel secure). There is lots of help out there and with a baby you really need to seek it out becuase you get first dibs for most services. There are also a lot of charitable organizations that help single moms - especially those in situations like yours so start talking to people and see what's out there. While your at your parents do everything you can to get all of your debts paid off.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi Ami. I'm glad to see you are still posting!
I understand your struggle. I'm raising a child alone in a big city and my family is miles away. It's exhausting at times but the rewards are so great. My son is now 3 and I've been by myself since I was pregnant (Supporting a crackhead at your house doesn't count as not being alone.) I kicked the crackhead out when my son was 5 mos old. Actually he ended up in prison. Thank God. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
He's out now and he comes and gos, and that is my new challenge. I feel more stable without him around then I do with him around and I can't imagine ever doing it differently. I have learned that I don't need him to live a full life and provide a loving environment for my son. The less he is involved, the better ;-).
I'm glad you filed for some support even if it's low or your not getting any of it. I manage without any support from my sons father. It is by no means easy. We pretty much run out of all food etc by the end of the pay period and I spend a lot of time figuring out exactly which bills I must pay and which bills can wait a month without causing the electricity to go off or the house to be repossessed.
I survive by working my butt off and trying to stay grateful for the things I have. I'm so blessed. There are so many others who don't have nearly as much as I do. I am just grateful every dang day... well mostly.
I pray alot, and I only worry about what needs to get done to get through the day. The future seems to work itself out for the most part, whether I worry about it or not. I'm still here. My sons still here. We have somewhere to live and we aren't hungry today.
"This too shall pass" and "There but for the grace of God" are two of my favorite sayings. I repeat them to myself on a daily basis.
Hang in there and don't worry about what your child's father SHOULD be doing. The fact is worry isn't going to change him or make things easier on you. Remind yourself that things are the way they are and the only person you can change is yourself.
:ghug3
I understand your struggle. I'm raising a child alone in a big city and my family is miles away. It's exhausting at times but the rewards are so great. My son is now 3 and I've been by myself since I was pregnant (Supporting a crackhead at your house doesn't count as not being alone.) I kicked the crackhead out when my son was 5 mos old. Actually he ended up in prison. Thank God. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
He's out now and he comes and gos, and that is my new challenge. I feel more stable without him around then I do with him around and I can't imagine ever doing it differently. I have learned that I don't need him to live a full life and provide a loving environment for my son. The less he is involved, the better ;-).
I'm glad you filed for some support even if it's low or your not getting any of it. I manage without any support from my sons father. It is by no means easy. We pretty much run out of all food etc by the end of the pay period and I spend a lot of time figuring out exactly which bills I must pay and which bills can wait a month without causing the electricity to go off or the house to be repossessed.
I survive by working my butt off and trying to stay grateful for the things I have. I'm so blessed. There are so many others who don't have nearly as much as I do. I am just grateful every dang day... well mostly.
I pray alot, and I only worry about what needs to get done to get through the day. The future seems to work itself out for the most part, whether I worry about it or not. I'm still here. My sons still here. We have somewhere to live and we aren't hungry today.
"This too shall pass" and "There but for the grace of God" are two of my favorite sayings. I repeat them to myself on a daily basis.
Hang in there and don't worry about what your child's father SHOULD be doing. The fact is worry isn't going to change him or make things easier on you. Remind yourself that things are the way they are and the only person you can change is yourself.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
also if you have debt you may want to check out Dave Ramsey's website and 7 baby steps to living debt free. He has a great plan for how to get out of it. I'm trying to follow it myself. I can't get past step one it seems but I'm not giving up!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
why can't he help us? I have tried to ignore him but I cannot because I need money right now and I need him to help I cannot afford things at all right now...it is as if he enjoys the control of me being in a **** poor situation...
With these kind of men you have to give this over to a judge to TELL him what to do. It will take the pressure off of you immensely.
So it seems the only thing you can do is get it into Family Court, file a petition for child support and custody. You can represent your self for child support because the judge will judge based on the income guideline laws only, and doesn't require a lawyer. Also the judge can and usually will make him pay more for child care.
If petitioning for custody, a lawyer is needed. If you live in the states you may qualify for a public defender. By the sounds of your bills and income, you should qualify for this help. You would apply for a public defender right at the Family Court of your county or city.
You need to do this, or he will try to get away with paying nothing. Don't procrastinate on this. You need it for your child now. You can also request the child support be garnished from his checks.
Do not be afraid to do this, afraid what he may do. These are your childs rights. Stand up for your rights and the rights of your child.
"I do help-and you have a pissy attitude that it isn't enough, I am sick of your attitude".
Blessings,
NH7
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I encourage you to file for support and custody now insteading of waiting. Do it now while you qualify for a public defender. In most states, even if the father signed the birth certificate, paternity must STILL be proved by a blood test in order for you to get custody of your child and to qualify for child support. And just because a child came out of your body, lives with you, has never lived any where else and the father has never been truly involved in the babies life, the court still needs to legally assign custody to you. Otherwise the father could just show up one day and take the baby and you would have NO RIGHT to do anything about it. This will all be handled for you at no charge if you are at a low income. But if you are not, you have to pay for it yourself and it's a friggin' nightmare. I wish I never would have put my sons father on the birth certificate. I was a fool. I thought I could save him...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Kitty is absolutely right about this. I did this when my son was a baby so that i never had to deal with it. Its invaluable now that my son is 16 and dad suddenly wants to be in his life. He has no rights to him at all and I make all the decisions. I actually represented myself and found it pretty simple but i do work in the legal field so i'm not sure i would recommend that to everyone. I know in my area there is also a women's aid society that provides free legal aid for these kind of things - their goal is to get women/children safe and secure - they helped me when i needed a restraining order. I would recommend going down to your local courthouse and just talking to a clerk - they sometimes can help you cut through all the red tape and tell you exactly what you need to do. some counties even have fill in the blank forms for some things like child support.
In my state you do not have to prove paternity if the father signs the birth certificate. But I never asked nor wanted child support - back then if they gave you child support you had to give them visitation and i wasnt about to agree to that. Courts dont do that anymore here - they consider them seperate issues.
In my state you do not have to prove paternity if the father signs the birth certificate. But I never asked nor wanted child support - back then if they gave you child support you had to give them visitation and i wasnt about to agree to that. Courts dont do that anymore here - they consider them seperate issues.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
I guess things vary from place to place but Im caring for a family of 5 on 2100 a month. When I was a single mom and had 2 kids in fulltime daycare I made about 1700, every penny went to daycare, shelter and electric there were never any extras.
Somehow through the struggling you make it, get by and are stronger for it, the guys who arent involved in their kids lives are the ones missing out
Somehow through the struggling you make it, get by and are stronger for it, the guys who arent involved in their kids lives are the ones missing out
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
He makes $4000 a month an his parents pay for his insurance on the car they gave him? What's up with those people? Nonetheless, his parents are not responsible for their son's child. He is and the only way to get him to pay, is with a court order, assuming his income is legitimate.
No doubt your state has guide lines for a specific percentage of gross income that is allocated to child support. Here's a link to general information, by state:
Child Support: Summaries of State Laws - Divorce & Family Law Center
No doubt your state has guide lines for a specific percentage of gross income that is allocated to child support. Here's a link to general information, by state:
Child Support: Summaries of State Laws - Divorce & Family Law Center
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Also check with your state about free baby food programs for low income familes, like here in PA we have a thing called WICK for mothers and babies, my daughter got all the baby formula free along with milk, eggs and cheese and a few other items I can't think of. She also signed up for reduced child care cost, because she don't make a lot of money and now she only pays $50 a week to put her daughter in daycare that would have cost her $200 a week........make some calls to the welfare department and get a list of services or try the blue pages in the phone book....never hurts to ask.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Thank you so much I will seek help on this...I cannot afford much right now so I will go where they give a free consultation.
You do not need a lawyer to petition in court for Child Support. Within a 1 1/2 months you can have CS coming in if you get your petition in now.
NH7
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