heartandhome

After doing detox, having one bad day, my daughter is now totally committed to getting into a good rehab/recoery program. She has been on the phone/internet for two days, going in circles with no luck in finding a program...ANY program with availability.

She has even called our local domestic abuse center hoping for a lead...they gave her three possibles..two were no longer operating, the other was only available to residents of the county the program is in.

No place at the inn for her. And she wants this so badly. For her, for her children.

I am so angry right now...why can't someone who really wants treatment get it????

If she hears, "You have to come in via the court/legal system"..one more time, I think I might implode into a squashed mess in the middle of my living room floor.

laurie6781

Welcome to SR. You have found a GREAT place for YOU. Lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) from those who have been where you are now, standing back and watching the process.

As for your daughter, some of the best referrals for Rehab can be gotten by her for her by attending NA and/or AA meetings in her area, and there are usually many of one or both types in any given area, and talking to others in the same boat that she is in now.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

heartandhome

She is going to her first NA meeting tonight, so I am keeping everything crossed that it will lead to finding a program for her, and of course, the meetings are important aftercare too.

Yes, this has been horrible for me, as her mom, it's instinctive I think to want to help her, and knowing only she can help herself is the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with...plus the fear and concern I have for my grandchildren..it's a constant state of high level distress for me.

Her dad seems to think he can just lock her in the house, disconnect the phone and wait it out and it will all go away...I can't convince him that as a 24 year old, she is an adult who has the responsiblity of taking care of herself, of owning her own actions. He is VERY angry, and she really doesn't need to deal with the emotional upheaval of hearing him rant, rave, threaten...she needs to be out of this house and in a place where she can receive supportive care in her recovery.

I myself would just like to throw some stuff in a bag, get in my car and GO and never come back...lol..I am craving peace of mind, but it's not available living in this house with an aggitated recovering addict and a control freak of a husband.

Sigh...

SR is my lifeline..even though I just started posting, I have been reading for awhile now..

outtolunch

That she has taken responsibility for finding a place is ownership.

No doubt about it, the systems are overwhelmed with the epidemic that is addiction. Prayers coming her way that she will find a bed, soon.

Kallista

While she is waiting for a spot, she can start NA or AA or Women for Sobriety or Rational Recovery or SOS.

They're free. They have meetings in every town. If she hunts around, she should be able to find a meeting that she likes and is helpful to her. Good luck.

Serenity Bound

heartandhome....I can so relate, my husband and my SIL are the same. Now mind you, I am a control freak myself (at least I used to be..lol) but it is so frustrating when an addict wants help & all they get is grief. I am praying for both you & your AD that a bed will become available quickly. The last time my AD went into rehab (her husband faught it all the way), it was her program friends who helped her find that bed. Hoping that the meeting your AD is attending will not only help her find that bed but also give her the resolve to attend more meetings.

I'm also hoping that you will attend f2f meetings.

Hugs coming your way.
Chris

winnie12

I fought this battle - it took a long time but my son did get placed. I heard that crap about if he's not in the court system... it is easier to get placed through the courts but there are other programs out there. i just had trouble because my son is a minor and diabetic and not many free places would take him. There are lots of places for adults. Here's some suggestions for her to try.

Try the database on Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) Website their db you can search by specialty, gender, etc. and its has a lot of charitable and sliding scale locations. I was plesantly surprised that when i emailed their general contact i got a lot of help.

Try your local mental health department - many of them have programs and its a way to get into the system without being arrested. I tried this avenue but my son fooled them into thinking he didnt have a problem - for her that wont be the case.

Try your state mental health department - i know ours has a 24 hour service you can call that will help you and guide you on what services the state offers and can give referrals to the county level which speeds things up. These resources also helped force county services to accept my son.

Try local churches - big churches many times have programs and if they dont they typically have names and contacts at other churches which do. Whatever denomination is the most prevalent in your area is the most likely to have facilities for this. in my area its the baptist churches.

Dont be afraid to talk to anyone you know that is in a service field - pastors, teachers, doctors, nurses, police, social workers - they have a wealth of knowledge on services.

Call your doctor - if she detoxed in a facility call them.

Call the United Way - its 211 - they can help find locations as well.

www.Salvationarmy.org - i havent tried them but i know others here have.

If you have health insurance find out where they say to go medically - go there, get admitted and then get their referalls.

It is a maze you have to work to get the help but there is help out there. She is not going to make one phone call and get in somewhere unless you have unlimited financial resources.

You may also want to publish on here what state or region you live in so others can share what places they know of.

winnie12

Here's a couple of other links i just found in my multitude of notes but if you can tell me your state i can check and see what i have for your state. I have done tons of research in this area and have had some people send me their full list of contacts so i do have most of the US covered. I have kept all of it in the hopes that i could share it with others and save them some time.



National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependence Hope Line <http://www.ncadd.org/>
1-800-622-2255
Information and referral

heartandhome

Thank you all so very much! I will give your suggestions to her and she can take it from there.

Health Insurance really isn't an option..she lost hers when she lost her job and has been uninsured since that time. She is leary of applying for medicaid, her biggest fear is loosing her children, especially the two year old, who's dad is active in her life. She wants them to know nothing about this, and I have to agree. She worked in the healthcare industry and has seen things happen due to Medicaid coverage and DCFS involvement. Both my grandchildren live in my home and are very well cared for and loved and we all want that to continue to be the situation.

I know she is on the right track, but I also know how quickly that can change without an aftercare program. She did a detox program in another state, and the referrals they gave her for aftercare here locally have all turned out to be dead ends.

If anyone has suggestions, we are in Northen Ky/Greater Cincinnati area and I know she will be so appreciative!

winnie12

She has a greater chance of loosing her children by using then by getting help. Of course getting her to accept that reality may be impossible.

Unfortunately privacy is something that most of us here dont have much of anymore. I've been investigated by everyone and the best thing i could do was be an open book - admit some things i did wrong and welcome them in. - Churches might be her best option if she really has a lot to be afraid of in that area. Her kids are in a safe place so i dont think she is jeopardizing herself by trying to get help.

State Departments of Substance Abuse

Kentucky Phone: 502-564-2880 www.mhmr.ky.gov

Ohio Phone: 614-466-3445 ODADAS Home

SAMSHA is also a really good national site and my son is actually going to be going into one of the places on their list - they have churches and non-profits in their list and they actually contacted me back when i called and gave me great advice. The thing I found in calling these places is that it didnt jeopardize anything - they're not set up to bust people they are set up to help people find help.

hello-kitty

She's more likely to lose her kids if she doesn't apply. The courts would see that as very irresponsible parenting, especially if one of the kids gets sick.

Unfortunately, no one can really tell an addict anything. That's why we must detach. Take heart that if your daughter wants recovery as bad as she wanted to use drugs, she WILL find away to succeed no matter what. The harder you have to work for recovery, the more valuable it is to you, and the harder you will work to keep it.

Good luck to her.

marle

Many have recovered without rehab by using the rooms of NA and AA. Rehab is only a place to go that is safely away from drugs for a while. There are still no guarantees. When my daughter was in rehab the main focus was on meetings, meetings, meetings. So if your daughter has already detoxed, doing meetings will help her. I am sorry that the system has disappointed you both. Sending prayers. Hugs, Marle

heartandhome

Kitty..the kids have coverage, but she doesn't. In our state, you don't automatically qualify for medical coverage via Medicaid, you have to have a serious medical condition in order to qualify, in addition to a financial hardship. Fortunately, the state provides insurance coverage to all minor children, so the kids are fully covered.

As her vocation is medicine, she sought private care, rather than using her own physician..her hope is that she will be able to return to her chosen career field without the stigma of drug use, which if known, could cause her to never be able to secure a job in her career field again..

I swear, I don't understand why it's so important for her to loose everything, she has a disease..if it were diabetes or cancer, would she have to loose her children and her career choice? It angers me..we all want to call this a disease, but it's not acknowledged as one by anyone but those who have been there. Even in the medical professions..the stigma is so great...I feel fortunate that she has been able to get discreet treatment.

She wants to do a rehab program rather than outpatient..I guess she feels more secure in that enviornment, rather than here,close and available to her still addicted friends. I suggested outpatient counseling, but she is determined to find a residential rehab.

She is attending her first NA meeting this evening, I am so glad it is available to her until she can find what she is looking for in an aftercare plan. I am hoping it will be all she needs to stay strong and sober, she is doing great today, but every day is going to be a challenge and I know she will need the support of a good program, NA, counseling etc. The worst things he could do is nothing..fortunately, she knows that.

I wish she would sign on to SR..but the internet forum is not her interest.

I appreciate the support I am receiving here so much..I hope she can find the same in whatever plan she makes for herself.

laurie6781

Tell her she can also contact Salvation Army. they have a rehab program that is EXCELLENT and is FREE.

If they have no beds available near you, and their assessment folks believe she is serious, they will many times transport her to one of theirs in another city. Won't hurt for her to call and talk to them.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

hello-kitty

thank you for clarifying heart and home! big hugs to you :-) Being an addict who wants recovery is SO HARD. I appreciate your daughters struggle to stay clean. I've been there. Some people succeed and some people have to keep trying over and over and over. It's not fair but lifes not fair. I hope she succeeds. I hope you hang in there too. Just encourage her not to give up. Remind her that if she wants it bad enough she will get it. As addicts we always demand things on OUR timetable. We forget that we are the ones that screwed up. That it's not the systems fault that we are where we are. It's our fault and it's our responsibility. Just because we are ready for recovery, doesn't mean it's going to be handed to us on a silver platter. We have to work at it.
(and I'm glad the kids have coverage!)

heartandhome

Thanks to all of you for letting me rant a bit; I too am a bit impatient..I have been waiting so long for her to get to the point that she wanted help,..then she got there and there was none to be had..or at least not what she felt she needed. Frustrating, but tomorrows a new day, and today wasn't too bad, I am seeing more and more of my daughter emerge from under the veil of drugs each day..I am actually looking forward to tomorrow. I have not said that in a very long time!