klc57

When my alcoholic husband drinks, he won't leave me alone. He tells me over and over that he loves me, and says other things over and over. He wants me around, yet wants his space. It's like he's in his own world. One minute he's cocky and the next minute he's needy. Its difficult to talk with him and to be around him.

My family members have gotten to the point they hate being around him when he's drinking and they realize how often I'm having to deal with this. Couldn't have friends or family visit as never knew when he would get drunk.

Packed my bags and left as it was just too much for me to take (I'm an adult child of two alcoholic parents). He asked what would make me stay. Said may be better if he only drank once a week and I knew what day it would be. So he agreed to Fridays.

He goes all week without drinking, but when Fridays come, he doesn't want to eat so he can get that buzz. And he downs 2 6 packs in a short period of time. Then he gets sick from not eating and drinking too fast.

When this happens, he tries to rationalize/make excuse that his metabolism has to have beer more often than once a week -- and that's why he's getting sick when he drinks. I'm no fool -- he's getting sick from drinking to fast and not eating.

Last night was no different. He got sick and was muttering that I just don't understand. And muttered something about f*** this only Friday thing. Later repeatedly said he does understand.

I'm numb from all of this.

Would appreciate any insight in helping me understand.

ANGELINA243

Have you ever been to an Alanon meeting? I'm an alcoholic in recovery and my behavior/actions were outrageous too when I was drinking. Not to also mention I tried to control everything around me. I loved my family yet I didn't want anyone to come in between me and alcohol. Alanon can help you better understand and will be there to help support you. You didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it--his alcoholism. Keep reaching out. You are not alone.

Rella927

Welcome to SR klc! Glad that you found us and are reaching out for support-Please also check out our "Friends & Family" forum. There are stickies at the top of the forum as well that are filled with a wealth of information-

Looking into an Al-Anon meeting would be worth a next step and of course keep posting here! I went to Al-Anon because of the A's in my life and stayed for ME! I found out that I was contributing to my "numbness". I allowed a lot of things in my life and made poor choices of my own. When I stopped putting the focus on what the A's in my life were doing, I began to realized what I was doing! It comes in time as you read the boards and get support from others it will get easier.

I have compassion for A's not only in my life but in the world today because they too struggle with pain, just as I did. Pain is pain ...

I'm so sorry that you are struggling

Please keep posting!

klc57

I've been to Al-Anon many years ago. I plan to go back and have the meetings bookmarked on my computer but have not made it there yet. Illness the past few months have kept me from going. I'm determined to go this week.

Funny thing is that I realize that part of the reason for the illness I've had is due to stress and anxiety due to the alcoholism. And also partially due to the stress and anxiety I've felt regarding another situation.

ANGELINA243, it was good to hear you mention "controlling" cuz that's what he does. This was his house before we married and although he says I can do what I want here, most times when I do something, even as simple as putting a fruitbowl on the table, he changes it. I feel like I'm living in a house that is someone else's house (although I now own half of it) that I don't have input on. He's also constantly changing things. He's on disability and is home all day. He's become a recluse (sp?). He keeps moving things in the house. I feel like he's expected me to live in his world without me bringing in my world.

He knows he has control issues yet thinks he's not being controlling. He didn't even want me talking to my friends and family about what goes on here. I finally have.

Rella927, this weekend I have realized that I am contributing to my numbness. I've been too pre-occupied with what's going on with him that it has left me numb. I'm determined to start living and get out there in the world. My trial will be to go through with that determination and not fall back on focusing on his issues.

I've recently come to terms regarding the other issue I've been dealing with. Hopefully with that aside, I can succeed in getting outside of this vacuum I feel that I'm in.

klc57

Attended an AlAnon meeting this week

least

I'm glad you're going to AlAnon. You need support and advice to survive this mess. I lost the self respect of my kids and am just now getting it back. I am ashamed of my behavior and attitude while I was drinking and use that shame as incentive to stay sober cause I don't want to go back to those days.

I also suggest posting in Friends and Family forum as there will be lots of experience and strength for you to draw on. Be good to yourself.:ghug3

klc57

Yesterday's meeting helped me open "crack" for the daylight.

Some things that I realized (and hopefully will continue to remember):

- that I have to live for me
- to continue "living" which I had stopped doing since I have been with him
- love the person, hate the alcohol

parentrecovers

glad you're reaching out here and with your alanon meetings!

my daughter is an alcoholic/addict, and i understand a lot of what you're saying/feeling.

keep posting, and remember -

you didn't cause it.
you can't cure it.
you cannot control it.

but you can make choices as to how it affects your life.

hugs, k

Anna

I'm glad you found us.

klc57

For thirty years I had children to raise. When my last child moved out and my child with severe disabilities went to live with my ex (due to my burnout), I felt lost as I never knew life with just me.

I often wonder if I missed the chaos and if that's why I hooked up with my current husband. I do love him -- he has many wonderful qualities. When we hooked up, in some ways I felt as a child again (being a child of alcoholic parents) in that I felt I was under someone else's control.

I had done many productive things in my life and felt all of that leave me. Can't blame my hubby for all of that -- many of it was due to the burnout I felt from my child's ongoing care. I needed rest and recuperation.

However my life had become stagnant -- mostly because I felt numb and frozen. I realize that was my own doing. Am trying to understand why I allowed it. Probably due to my burnout (was weak from it).

My hubby is a great guy and I do love him -- his alcoholism is not great.