brundle

Recently I had surgery that one cut went into my belly button area. I really pushed for them not to mess with my piercing area because I so wanted to keep it. Due to some problems and taping issues I had been unable to get to the bottom hole for a week. It was like deep down all along I knew there was going to be a problem. When I finally tried putting the ring back in; as I suspected it was partially closed. Right away I started making plans to get it back in ASAP.

While getting my eye brows done I was explaining to the girls who I knew (my girl was new) my problem. They where horrified with me. The new girl ask why it would be so bad to let it close? I wanted to slap her young face! Didn't she know the pain I suffered getting it...keeping it....putting up with it snagging my jeans! We had a history! Just let it close, unthinkable. Then I wondered if it really was unthinkable.

I got it when I first married my AH. I had felt sexy, alive, strong. I had dreams and things where going to be so much better in this marriage! When I remembered that it really hurt. I had forgotten I ever had dreams!

So it dawned on me that maybe I shouldn't be holding on to that ring it was a symbol of something that is gone dead crushed into dust by the bottle and is never coming back. I'm hoping that the me that is trying to crawl out of all of that recovers to be stronger and wiser then the me of 7 years ago.

My ring doesn't fit in me anymore; kind of how I don't fit my marriage. Maybe even though I work on leaving, I do it kind of dragging my feet; hanging on to something long after I have known all along I should have just let it go and let the wound close and heal.

Just some thoughts...

GiveLove

Brundle, I'm smiling because I had the same kind of thing happen last year (not my belly, and I'll leave it at that.... ) I gave all this power and meaning to this little object, thinking that it symbolized me, held me to my wild/ferocious past, etc.

Screw that. I'm still the same person, just as wild but twice as smart, wise, funny and fierce, and worlds happier than I was when I got it. I hung it on a chain and wear it sometimes, but I don't miss it one bit. It's not me. Just like yours isn't you.

DesertEyes

Hi there brundle

Yeah, I did that too. For me it was my wedding ring. I had to do a full fourth and fifth step with my sponsor to dig that burr out. I wasn't hanging on to the ring, or to the memory of the marriage. I was hanging on to what I wanted people to think of me. My biological dad was a drunk. Irresponsible, abusive, selfish, your generic alkie. Being married was my way of proving to the world that I was _not_ like my father. Marriage was how I maintained my self esteem.

Giving up the ring meant i had become my father, unable to be a decent man, a good husband, or a loving father. All of that, wrapped up into a little piece of metal.

Jewelry does not define who I am. And what other people think of me is none of my business. The actions I take in my life define who I am, and the only person who's opinion matters is my Higher Power.

I gave the ring to the Salvation Army. It'll help them get a little money and help some young couple get a start on _their_ adventure. I spent a couple years living alone, being single, and I _loved_ it. I learned how to be me without something external to prop me up. Last two years I've been dating a charming young lady and starting a new life. Would never have gotten this far holding on to an old piece of metal.

Mike