SadlyLost

Where do I begin? My boyfriend "J" had been sober for about 4 months. I started getting a weird feeling something was up a couple weeks ago. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. J said he was working...I had to call his work today cause it was an emergency and they told me he no longer works there...hasn't been for over a week now. So I went through stuff here...there are lots of video games missing, some other stuff, so I know he sold/pawned everything.

I got laid off in September, his job was supposed to keep us afloat. We are behind on our rent, and have no money and we have a 16 month old baby to care for. I confronted him when he came home, and he got pissed and now he is gone. I don't know what to do. We are about to be kicked out, during the holidays, with no money, no one to borrow from and no place to go and he goes and does this?

I am so stressed and upset and I just don't know what to do. I also have no one to watch the baby so I can go interview or anything now. How am I supposed to take care of my baby?

Impurrfect

I'm sorry you are going through this. Take a deep breath.

Most cities have services available to help you, especially with a small child...it may not be what you want, but it may be something to help you, right now. Is there family, or friends, anywhere, you and the baby can stay with?

I have to say, as much as it hurts, I wouldn't worry about "J", right now. You need to concentrate on you and the baby, and let him worry about himself. He certainly isn't worried about you or the baby.

Others will be along, with some ES&H (experience, strength & hope), but in the meantime, I'll be sending you and the baby lots of hugs and prayers!

Amy

marle

I agree with Impurrfect. You need to concentrate on you and the baby right now. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Find whatever help you can that is available to you in your state. J doen't sound like he is capable of being dependable right now so it is up to you to protect that baby. Sending prayers that you find the help that you need. Hugs, Marle

jerect

Does your city have a womens shelter? What about local church's? More often then not those places can help you and if they can't they can point you to someone who can..

I agree with the others, forget about J right now... obviously his prioritys are screwed up and you can forget about counting on him to get you guys back on your feet... Concentrate on you and your child...

As a single mom you have a lot of rights and there are things out there that can help you... If you haven't already, go to your local health department of DEFACS and apply for food stamps WIC and assistance with childcare... While you are there they can also tell you how you can go about applying for low income housing.. In some instances your rent may be free or very very low to where you can afford to live there.. It may not be in the best neighborhood but it is better off then living in the streets. These agency's are out there to help you.... Please take advantage of them...

Of course then there is the problems with your BF.... In order to fully take advantage of these things you are going to have to get him out of the picture... Low income housing will probably not allow him to live with you... plus, do you really want your child in this kind of environment with drugs and whatever else he is up to? If he is arrested in your home with your child present then you could lose your child... Please protect the two of you at all costs..

dogged

please go to your local church, call social services to see if they cn get you in somewhere or help you with the rent or the salvation army..you need to act now and leave the bf behind or you will be homless, dont allow him to come back if you get things taken care of because you may lose everything if you do, besides if these agencys help you most likeyl they will not if he is around..do you have any family at all that can take you in? or help you?

SadlyLost

I will try welfare and I know I have to do it without him. We already get food stamps but did not qualify for anything else cause he had a job. Last night he left saying he was going out to smoke a cigarette, and he has not been back since. He has not called either. I grabbed some money out of his bag cause he had told me he had not gotten his check yet, which I found out was a lie. He had already spent half of it so I took whatever was left.

hello-kitty

Awwww. I'm sorry to hear that. Yes go down to the welfare office. Do you have family you can call?

Freedom1990

First of all, I am so sorry for your pain during this holiday season! :ghug

You have been given many good suggestions. I was a single parent of two girls for many years and used the resources available. I am grateful they were there for me.

Keeping you and your little one in my prayers!

SadlyLost

I know everyone says I can do it, but there is so much stuff going on right now I dont know if I can handle it all myself. And I do love him, so it hurts. I just dont know if I can take it all.

hello-kitty

Hi Sadly. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed as well. Just do what you can. Focus on the baby steps that you can take and try not to worry about the big picture right now. Your boyfriend can take care of himself. So get things stable for you and your little girl, one phone call, one appointment at a time, and then worry about him ok?

Sometimes the motto "don't think, just do" helps get me through the really rough times.

jerect

((((((Sadlylost)))))


You can do this.... you have to do this for you and your children.. Just take one step at a time and get things in order..

Start by finding you a place to live and getting on welfare first... the rest will fall into place..

In the meantime, find some Alanon meetings in your area and start attending today...

I know you love him and yep, it hurts like hell... but think of how much painful it will be for you if you stay with him in this situation..

bluebelle

SadlyLost,
I'm sorry you are going through this. When I get overwhelmed I try to write in a journal. You might want to take one thing that you can do right now and do that. You will get there one step at a time. You can't do everything at once--that would be overwhelming. However, what can you do right now? Take one thing, it may take just 5 minutes, but start with that. Is there a phone call you can make? Do you need a shower? Do you need to wash clothes? Just pick one thing, and you will feel better once you have accomplished that.