Maggiemac

Well here I set crying again missing and loving my son. Why can't I stop crying things will never change He is dead and will not be back.
The days pass and I can't see the future. So many things I have to do but still sit undone. Am I lazy and use this as a excuse. I can't sleep at night so I sleep during the day passing hours I should be doing things like cleaning washing clothers and should do Christmas shoping I do have little kids to buy for ( my sisters grandbabies) I ask God to help me. When will these feeling ease up on me. Thanks for leting me vent.
God Bless
Maggie:praying

winnie12

Have you seen a doctor? They may be able to give you something to help you sleep and take the edge off of the sadness.

Something that i've heard works well is to start out small. Think of a goal you want to accomplish in the next hour and just do that one thing (put one load of clothes in, empty the diswasher) and dont think about anything else you "need" to do. Then next hour think of one goal. You then start working up to planning your goals for the next two hours, then 3, etc, till you are planning what you will do that day. Dont worry about tomorrow - tomorrow is an illusion - today is all that matters.

Find a friend or family member that will go with you shopping (try to pick someone you always feel good around). Set a date and time with them and make sure and include a nice lunch, or getting your nails done, whatever it is you enjoy doing.

dogged

maybe writing a letter to your son would help..it will allow you to get everything out that you need to..im sorry your going throught his,,its soo hard..... i feel for you, also maybe see a grief counselor, they will help you deal with your sons passing...prayers and hugs to you...

outtolunch

Outliving a child, regardless of the circumstances, is traumatic, especially at this time of year. I am not one to favor numbing out with medications, for all the obvious reasons. Your body will sleep when it needs to do so.


Grief counseling can make a world of difference.

winnie12

outtolunch - i just want to clarify i wasnt talking about numbing out. There are medications out there that dont numb you but do help you when in these extreme cases. one that my doc put me on - i couldnt even tell when i took it and it actually helped to relax the thoughts in your mind and the anxiety so you can sleep. there's plenty of things out there that dont have addictive or numbing qualities.

rahsue

The words time will heal all just doesn't apply when you've lost your child, but time will heal your body from the effects of grief. You feel like just laying in bed? then do it.
Your son has only been gone a short time, you go ahead and feel whatever you want to feel. If it last longer than 6 months then I'd worry perhaps do something about it. but really, it's just been almost month and thats no time at all. my father and brother died 6 weeks apart during the holiday time and I can tell you christmas didn't mean a hill of beans at the time. it's been 13 years since they died and things got much better over time, so you hang in there.

my thoughts and prayers

Chino

Maggie, my heart goes out to you. I don't know your feelings on afterlife but in my culture there is one. We believe our loved ones are with us in spirit until we no longer need their comfort and guidance.

I talk to my loved ones on the other side all the time. I know in my heart there are with me, sitting next to me, hugging or holding me. When I feel tears coming and that sense of loss, I call out and talk to them.

My prayers are with you... and I believe 100% your son is with you too.

wooforever

This may sound funny have you forgiving yourself for your sons death. Time will heal you, there are groups out there for support in a death of a child.

In a Tailspin

When I was 18, my step-dad died suddenly of cardiac arrest. He was 43, my mom only 42 at the time. She found a "grief group" that was specifically designed for young widows and widowers.....as in, people who lost their spouses before the time that you would naturally expect that spouse to die. There is a whole new set of issues and complications of grief when someone you love dies "before their time". I agree with woo.....you may be helped greatly by finding a support group of people who have lost children.......just like SR, we can learn greatly from others who have been/are in our same situations!!

katie44

Maggie, I don't think there would be anything worse then loosing a child. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand you have things to do, try maybe one small task at a time. Grieving is a process, and there is no set time. Maggie friends of our lost there son a year ago this Christmas to a heroine overdose. They have had one of the most difficult years of there lives, however my friend tells me now that only now is she starting to smile about the memories she shared with her son. She has said there are days she doesnt accomplish anything, days of tears, but slowly she is starting to get things done. I hope you dont mind me sharing this with you, Ive just watched the pain and anguish she has gone through and the one thing she does say " is her son is no longer in pain" that seems to bring her comfort. Please keep coming here to vent that is why we are all here. ((( prayers to you and your son)))))

Lobo

Maggie,

You have to feel these feelings, hon. It is all part of the grieving process. If you try to push it aside it will catch up with you at another time. Go with it, feel it, it is all so normal. Crying releases the pain and helps your heart to heal. You have to cry and you should, it's okay. Don't be so hard on yourself, it is okay to cry. You have every right to grieve and hurt. He was your son, and there is nothing worse than losing a child.

You will go through a series of different stages. First you cry and grieve, then you might experience anger, you might be depressed. Finally, you will come to acceptence.
You may still feel like crying sometimes but you will learn to live with it. There will always be a part of you missing but you will go on and learn to live the best way that you can. It all takes time, for now all of those feelings are okay. Don't try to numb them or make them go away, just feel them. Eventually it will be okay.

You have friends here to listen and shoulders when you need one.
Please God give Maggie peace and comfort.

I'm wrapping my arms around you, Maggie...................Lo

BBD

Hi Maggie, I haven't posted to you yet about your sons death. It really hit hard and my heart aches for you. This has got to be the most difficult thing you will ever go through and you must manage it in your time frame. If you feel like sleeping then go right ahead. people will have to forgive you if you opt out of Xmas this year......I'm praying you have friends that can help at this time and the girls are right about "grief counciling". You may not be ready yet but when you are give it a GO~~~~ Again, my heart is with you and your family. Smiles and a great big hug Bonnie

sleepygoat

check out the group "Compassionate Friends" . they are a free support group of parents who have lost children, and they have groups all over the country. they also have a website.

mooselips

(((Maggie)))
I was going to add, if you belong to a church they should also have a grief support program.


And...I think you should be doing what you FEEL like doing.

I do think you should be gentle with yourself and give yourself plenty of time.

marle

Sending prayers for you. I did not lose my daughter but I did go through a period when she was deep in her addiction and I did not see her for more than 7 months. During that time I grieved for the loss of my child to addiction. I had days when all I could do was cry. Other days were not as hard. I can't imagine how hard it is for you now. Know that we care and are here for you. Hugs, Marle

notsleepingwell

Maggie...
there is a wonderful book called "Embraced by the Light" by Betty Eadie....an older book, hopefully still in print. It's very comforting, and at this time...you need all the comforting you can get. Our hearts are with you!!
NSW

cessy68

Hi Maggie,

My name is Cessy, and I'm welling up in my eyes reading your post... because I am a mom, and I can not, concieve what you must be going through.

Unless someone has lost a child,- it will be difficult for you to find any solace in others words.... therefore I will just say a few things to you.

I am going back to school for my masters degree- in greif counseling......
Please find yourself a support group that is for parents who have lost their children.
These groups are free, you can google search berevement support groups, greif counseling, etc. online in your area.

Also, you asked why you can't stop crying- answer: because you can't, and you need to. Your body phisiologically needs this, listen to your body, it won't steer you wrong. Sleep when you need to, cry when you need to, eat when you can, sip on water (to make sure you stay hydrated), and truely allow yourself time.

Everyone grieves differently, there is no set timetable, some people don't cry for months and months after a death of a loved one. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and do not allow anyone to make an assumption that there is a time limit.

My godmother (my moms sister) lost her daughter. Until the day we lost my godmother to bone cancer, on occassion my mom and I would visit Karens grave with her.

My mom would 'loose it' everytime, while my aunt (karens mom) would bend down kiss the grave stone and pray to her baby.

My mom would then always turn to me and say "I don't know how your Aunt has delt with Karens death..... I still can't get past it enough to not break down at the grave...."

I explained to my Mom, what I am trying to say to you.....

Everyone deals with what they are forced to deal with. You will handle this, in your own way in your own time, and not a moment sooner.

I wish I could just express how much I feel for you...... and we don't even know each other.

I heard a mom say once, after looseing a child, that if she had to do it all over again, she would be glad to have god lend her his child, even if it were only for the short time she was able to keep him.

With my heartfelt sincere best to you,
Love,
Cesy
P.s. (excellent, excellent, excellet reading on death and dyeing is by a woman who dedicated her life work to that field. Her name is Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.....) You would find her work very helpful if you don't mind reading.

greeteachday

Maggie, please don't feel you are using this as an excuse or "being lazy." Your loss is so recent;as others have said, everyone processes in her own way. Nothing is expected of you...just allow yourself to work through your feelings.
I found a support group of great help. It was not grief counseling; it was actually my Naranon group, but for me these were people who understood and who loved me through the darkest times. Others have found the Compassionate Friends very helpful or individual grief counseling.
There is a grief forum within this site as well.
Sending continued healing thoughts and prayers.

peaceteach

(((Maggie)))

Sending you loving hugs and encouragement, Maggie. Take all the time you need. Grief is a process that you sadly must go through. Don't cheat yourself of any of it, because in the end you will find yourself grateful for having experienced it and lived through it, even though right now that doesn't seem possible. When you are ready, try to find one little thing that you can do for yourself each day to take your mind away and to comfort yourself, like a bath, a book, a walk, a movie, and then do it. Every day try to take a little time to relieve yourself of thinking. In time you will train yourself and it will get easier.

Trust the members here who say that counseling, or finding a group, helped them immensely as well. There are many people here who have gone through the grief process, who have a grown child who is addicted, and even some who have lost a grown child to addiction. You can do a search and find their stories, I think under "search" at the top. I have learned to trust others' advice here, or to at least take what sounds good and leave the rest.

But Maggie, please know that others are hearing you and praying for you here. This is a great place to just rest yourself for a while, sweetie. Take care and hugs....

Ann

(((Maggie)))

Just sending a great big hug because words cannot express what my heart feels for you.

Like others have said here, it's okay to grieve, be gentle with yourself and what you feel you need to do. Let others do for you, it's your time to get support and love.

From this mom's heart to yours, hugs and prayers.