Loan me some strength
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 163
Loan me some strength
First the background, then the question.
My 56 year old mother is addicted to prescription painkillers. She has had long term dependency problems with drugs and alcohol. She was a practicing nurse, who frequently stole narcotics from work. Four years ago, she suffered an injury at work that required back surgery. She was placed on disability and is being given as much pain medicine as she wants. 19 months ago, she overdosed on oxycontin and nearly died. When she came home from the hospital, I told her that she addressed her addictions or I was done with her. I also found out at that time that she was selling pills to people. We didn't talk for 4 months, and then she called to tell me that she had started NA and was working with her doctors to detox from the prescription narcotics and switch to non-narcotic solutions to manage her chronic pain. She did pretty well until some time this summer. Three weeks ago, I found that she had relapsed and was using oxycontin again, that she was using more than her prescription stated, that she was selling pills to people. Three weeks ago, I found out that she was using while she was watching my 4 year old son and 6 year old son.
I haven't spoken to her since then. I feel good about that. The problem is my 4 year old son. He ladores his grandmother. He wanted to call her this morning. He wants to see her. He doesn't understand why he can't see her. I have explained to him that "Grandma is sick," but he insists that we can talk to people when they're sick. (He's right. We visited her in the hospital during back surgery.) His preschool teacher said that he had a crying jag a few weeks ago because he said that he "misses his grandma."
I don't think that she is a good person for the kids to be around. I hope that I'm not being too harsh by keeping the 4 year old away from her.
Does any have any advice? Reassurance? Suggestions?
My 56 year old mother is addicted to prescription painkillers. She has had long term dependency problems with drugs and alcohol. She was a practicing nurse, who frequently stole narcotics from work. Four years ago, she suffered an injury at work that required back surgery. She was placed on disability and is being given as much pain medicine as she wants. 19 months ago, she overdosed on oxycontin and nearly died. When she came home from the hospital, I told her that she addressed her addictions or I was done with her. I also found out at that time that she was selling pills to people. We didn't talk for 4 months, and then she called to tell me that she had started NA and was working with her doctors to detox from the prescription narcotics and switch to non-narcotic solutions to manage her chronic pain. She did pretty well until some time this summer. Three weeks ago, I found that she had relapsed and was using oxycontin again, that she was using more than her prescription stated, that she was selling pills to people. Three weeks ago, I found out that she was using while she was watching my 4 year old son and 6 year old son.
I haven't spoken to her since then. I feel good about that. The problem is my 4 year old son. He ladores his grandmother. He wanted to call her this morning. He wants to see her. He doesn't understand why he can't see her. I have explained to him that "Grandma is sick," but he insists that we can talk to people when they're sick. (He's right. We visited her in the hospital during back surgery.) His preschool teacher said that he had a crying jag a few weeks ago because he said that he "misses his grandma."
I don't think that she is a good person for the kids to be around. I hope that I'm not being too harsh by keeping the 4 year old away from her.
Does any have any advice? Reassurance? Suggestions?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Most people would not consider leaving young children with an active alcoholic because their judgement is more apt to be impaired. Why then would leaving children with someone with an active opiate addiction be any different?
He's 4 years old. Tell him grandma went away to try and get well.
The bigger an issue you make out of it, the bigger issue it will become.
He's 4 years old. Tell him grandma went away to try and get well.
The bigger an issue you make out of it, the bigger issue it will become.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Kallista)))
Welcome to SR!
'm sorry you are going through this.
This is the problem with telling kids someone is "sick" when they are dealing with addiction...some kids are pretty smart, like your son.
I haven't been through this, but I know a lot of mom's and grandmother's here, have, and will be along soon.
I just wanted to welcome you. There are some wonderful and supportive people here.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Welcome to SR!
'm sorry you are going through this.
This is the problem with telling kids someone is "sick" when they are dealing with addiction...some kids are pretty smart, like your son.
I haven't been through this, but I know a lot of mom's and grandmother's here, have, and will be along soon.
I just wanted to welcome you. There are some wonderful and supportive people here.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Sorry that you and your son are going through this. I have not been in this situation,
however, I would explain that sometimes people get things that other people could catch... and that you don't want him getting sick.
I hope that things get better for you and your son, it is very,very sad.
Take care,
cessy
however, I would explain that sometimes people get things that other people could catch... and that you don't want him getting sick.
I hope that things get better for you and your son, it is very,very sad.
Take care,
cessy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi. I can relate to your problem. The adict in my 3 year old sons life is his father. I tried the "sick" thing but it just confused him. I tell him that daddy makes bad choices and can't be around right now but he will see you when he can. Daddy will come and go but I will always love you and take care of you.
Things aren't so good for us right now because daddy is clean. And wants to be a part of his life. But yeah, when he relapses I am stuck with a really unhappy little boy. That is why I do my best to limit contact and let my son know that daddy may go away again. But even if that happens, I will always be there and we will be fine.
I am sticking with a routine as much as possible. I let my son know we have priorities and just because his daddy is back, that doesn't mean we don't do things we have always done, like go to school and go to church.
He is very afraid his daddy is going to disappear again. To the point of telling me he is going to run away. I tell him if he runs away I will come find him.
I don't know what else to do. This is the best I can come up with right now. I reserve the right to try something new with my son if this approach doesn't work.
Maybe something I do gives you some ideas on how to talk to your son. Just be honest and put the responsibility of not seeing grandma on her shoulders. It's not you. It's her.
Things aren't so good for us right now because daddy is clean. And wants to be a part of his life. But yeah, when he relapses I am stuck with a really unhappy little boy. That is why I do my best to limit contact and let my son know that daddy may go away again. But even if that happens, I will always be there and we will be fine.
I am sticking with a routine as much as possible. I let my son know we have priorities and just because his daddy is back, that doesn't mean we don't do things we have always done, like go to school and go to church.
He is very afraid his daddy is going to disappear again. To the point of telling me he is going to run away. I tell him if he runs away I will come find him.
I don't know what else to do. This is the best I can come up with right now. I reserve the right to try something new with my son if this approach doesn't work.
Maybe something I do gives you some ideas on how to talk to your son. Just be honest and put the responsibility of not seeing grandma on her shoulders. It's not you. It's her.
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