hollyce

All it takes is a little bit of alcohol, and we fight. My fiance and I have thus agreed to have a dry house when it's just the two of us. But! With Thanksgiving fast approaching, said fiance has friends in town that want to come to our house this Wednesday. There will be beer, etc. That makes me nervous! I have always in the past made an excuse to have "just one" drink. Next think you know I'm wasted, happy!, but wasted... and oh so hung over the next day. Today is day two of my sobriety. I'd like to continue to press on ...

I think I may head out of town early to my family's place for Thanksgiving on Wednesday after work. I spoke with my guy about my feelings and he understood why I felt the need to be away from the house if he and his friends were to be drinking.

Simply put, alcohol is like POISON between my guy and I. Even one sip is a bad idea. One sip leads to another.

I'm sad that we cannot be together this holiday. That because I'm sober, and my guy is not going to be, that I have to create space.

What a lonely feeling.

baileyboop

I'm sorry you are struggling with not sharing the holiday with your man, but I have to say triple kuddos to you for making wise decisions for yourself. You sound strong. Believe in yourself.

tommyk

Sounds like he might be choosing the alcohol over you?

(Been there, done that.)

Have a great Thanksgiving though...!

ToughChoices

Take it one day at a time, holly.

I'm not sure that this is about him "choosing alcohol' over you - it's probably a complicated situation regarding his friends, the visit, holiday expectations, etc....

Having said that, I'm impressed with your ability to determine your own needs and go to the necessary lengths to meet them (i.e. "At this stage in my sobriety I can not be comfortable around alcohol. If you choose to have alcohol in the house (for whatever reason), I will choose to stay elsewhere.")
That's a boundary - and a good one!

You communicated the boundary, he listened and understood, and you are taking care of yourself.
If you are seeking sobriety and he is not, boundaries like this will be very helpful in times to come.

I've learned that no matter how much I want to give my loved ones recovery - how much I want them to walk a path to healing with me - I can not make them do it.

Sometimes I still feel sad about that.
I can't help them, but I can help myself.


I'm glad that you are helping yourself, and I hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

-TC

hollyce

Tommy-
It really does feel like my fiance is choosing booze over me. He'll find someway to turn my sharing my feelings about being around him when he's drinking back on to me and make me feel like I'm dumping on him. It really does SUCK!

I'm going to head out of town anyway. Maybe as the holiday gets under way, he'll miss me and wonder, "Why did I say those things to Hollyce? Why did I chose alcohol over my girl?"

That's my hope anyway.

hollyce

You're totally RIGHT!
Friends are in town, parents too. It's complicated. I just want everything to stink of PEACE, so I'm outta here.
Thank you for the warm comments.
Hollyce