Thanksgiving Blues...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 46
Thanksgiving Blues...
A bit bummed to be facing my first major holiday since my divorce. As my daughter said last night -- even though we asked him to leave, it still feels like he's the one who left us...that he let us down and deserted us.
I was married for 21 years and my husband and I lived in a different town than our families when we married, so we spent several Thanksgivings together before we married. This is the first Thanksgiving in 24 years that I will spend without him.
I'm also having a pity party because I had ankle surgery 3 weeks ago and can't drive, have to use crutches, can't get out and move on as much as I'd like to.
I know there are others here who must be in a similar situation with T-giving and Christmas coming. Please keep my kids and I in your thoughts, we've got to lift each other up to help get through the rough spots, especially the holidays.
I was married for 21 years and my husband and I lived in a different town than our families when we married, so we spent several Thanksgivings together before we married. This is the first Thanksgiving in 24 years that I will spend without him.
I'm also having a pity party because I had ankle surgery 3 weeks ago and can't drive, have to use crutches, can't get out and move on as much as I'd like to.
I know there are others here who must be in a similar situation with T-giving and Christmas coming. Please keep my kids and I in your thoughts, we've got to lift each other up to help get through the rough spots, especially the holidays.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Beagle so sorry that you are going through this-The Holidays can be rough all around however you can make new memories and do fun things to keep your
mind off that he is not around-Play some games with the kids-We use to get together with my family and we
played family feud it was a blast! Every year! No matter what
was going on or how sad anyone felt it always lifted our spirits when
we did things like that!
I hope that your ankle heels soon-
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 92
I understand so well what you are feeling, beaglebaby. I asked my XAH to leave and yet I feel like I'm the one who has been abandoned. Funny how that works!
I just went through my first Thanksgiving in October (I'm in Canada), have my birthday coming up and then Christmas. I was told that all the first holidays and anniversaries will be difficult. But as Rella927 said, we can make new memories with family and friends that love us and care about us. We will feel some sadness and that's normal but positive distractions like keeping busy, having loved ones around, creating our own fun, watching funny movies, meeting a friend for coffee for a pep talk, all these things have been helpful for me.
Take care of your ankle.
I just went through my first Thanksgiving in October (I'm in Canada), have my birthday coming up and then Christmas. I was told that all the first holidays and anniversaries will be difficult. But as Rella927 said, we can make new memories with family and friends that love us and care about us. We will feel some sadness and that's normal but positive distractions like keeping busy, having loved ones around, creating our own fun, watching funny movies, meeting a friend for coffee for a pep talk, all these things have been helpful for me.
Take care of your ankle.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
The first T-giving after my divorce felt dark as well. My ex had moved out of the country and it was literally just me and my 2 boys and some friends who I invited to "fill out" the table a bit...
I said my standard T-giving "grace" and blessings on all who we loved who passed away and on Ex who was far away and out of the picture - and i started getting really doooooowwwwwwn thinking about him and "family" and what that perfect (nonsense!!!) picture is supposed to look like....
One of the friend's I invited was from Portland, OR and far from her home and she said - "Oh can we do this thing my family always does? We go around the table and fill each other's glasses and everyone says what they are thankful for this year..."
So fine, this seems like a T-giving formality and we start going around and Sara who started this said something so simple but it knocked me out at the time: She said she was grateful that we were all there around the table together on this day.....and I found my heart totally opening up with gratitude for things both small and huge.
I listened to all the gratitude spilling forth and I could tell my younger son (4 at the time) was squirming- he doesn't like public speaking and it came to him and he said "I am grateful for my family and that my Mom made the gravy and the cookies I like." And he smiled - it was soooooo sweet, my eyes were filling up. And then it came to the older son (8 then, who had recently been asking a lot of questions about the birds and the bees.) And he says "I'm just grateful that Mom finally told me where the babies come from, y'know, how the penis works and the vagina and everything." Oh my God.
My friend Jesse kept a deadpan face, winked at his girlfriend, and raised his glass and said "ME TOO!" and we fell apart with giggles and happiness and Cheers, and I realized - there is SO much to be grateful for in life - so many good people, good moments, fleeting glimpses of nirvana, and I knew right then that being a divorced family WAS NOT going to be the worst thing that could happen to us, and that if I kept holding onto my sorrow first instead of my gratitude I would end up making a worse mess than I had just gotten out of.
It has not been easy. But it was the right thing to do, and I am thankful that I finally found the courage to do it and the confidence to not regret it for me or my sons. They have known more happiness in their lives than sorrow. The balance would have been tipped in the other direction had I stayed married.
When I was in my most tortuous moments that year I could usually pull myself out by realizing that actually, everything is OK. I could look at my sleeping children and just believe that. All is well.
We have incorporated that little round the table game into our T-giving ever since and I usually have a few tidbits to be thankful for and I always end by saying "I am grateful that we are all here, today, around this table and together right now."
Give yourself permission to have fun.
To enjoy the day - just the day - and whatever moments are right there in front of you on that day.
Peace-
B.
I said my standard T-giving "grace" and blessings on all who we loved who passed away and on Ex who was far away and out of the picture - and i started getting really doooooowwwwwwn thinking about him and "family" and what that perfect (nonsense!!!) picture is supposed to look like....
One of the friend's I invited was from Portland, OR and far from her home and she said - "Oh can we do this thing my family always does? We go around the table and fill each other's glasses and everyone says what they are thankful for this year..."
So fine, this seems like a T-giving formality and we start going around and Sara who started this said something so simple but it knocked me out at the time: She said she was grateful that we were all there around the table together on this day.....and I found my heart totally opening up with gratitude for things both small and huge.
I listened to all the gratitude spilling forth and I could tell my younger son (4 at the time) was squirming- he doesn't like public speaking and it came to him and he said "I am grateful for my family and that my Mom made the gravy and the cookies I like." And he smiled - it was soooooo sweet, my eyes were filling up. And then it came to the older son (8 then, who had recently been asking a lot of questions about the birds and the bees.) And he says "I'm just grateful that Mom finally told me where the babies come from, y'know, how the penis works and the vagina and everything." Oh my God.
My friend Jesse kept a deadpan face, winked at his girlfriend, and raised his glass and said "ME TOO!" and we fell apart with giggles and happiness and Cheers, and I realized - there is SO much to be grateful for in life - so many good people, good moments, fleeting glimpses of nirvana, and I knew right then that being a divorced family WAS NOT going to be the worst thing that could happen to us, and that if I kept holding onto my sorrow first instead of my gratitude I would end up making a worse mess than I had just gotten out of.
It has not been easy. But it was the right thing to do, and I am thankful that I finally found the courage to do it and the confidence to not regret it for me or my sons. They have known more happiness in their lives than sorrow. The balance would have been tipped in the other direction had I stayed married.
When I was in my most tortuous moments that year I could usually pull myself out by realizing that actually, everything is OK. I could look at my sleeping children and just believe that. All is well.
We have incorporated that little round the table game into our T-giving ever since and I usually have a few tidbits to be thankful for and I always end by saying "I am grateful that we are all here, today, around this table and together right now."
Give yourself permission to have fun.
To enjoy the day - just the day - and whatever moments are right there in front of you on that day.
Peace-
B.
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