Roller coaster life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Roller coaster life
Think of riding your favorite roller coaster over and over
with each dip, drop and whip you find it more exciting each time.
Some times it feels its going faster,
maybe you switch from the front to the back to enhance the thrill
After riding over and over, do you begin to feel your stomach drop
or does some of the curves lose their appeal?
I was once like many of you
I felt that he was different
he had so much potential
and he wanted so much more
Many told me to run
all I thought was, No way
He would go into rehab, he would be so sorry
surely this was it
Another lost job
another jail stay
at the bottom now
time to climb up
Days melted into months
months turned to years
just like each sip turned into bottles
and each hit into days
You see my husband is an alcoholic
and an addict
he's stuck in his cycle of disease
with no way out
Over and over again
I truly believed he'd beat this
I still believed wed have
a fairy tale ending
As time went on I learned to detach
I learned more and more about who I was
what I deserved
At the beginning the knowledge turned to anger
and anger to rage
but what did that change
it just made me as sick as he
I began to see
that after each hard time
the good was less and less
the sweetness shorter and shorter
the drugs had truly stolen his soul
I laid in bed this morning
looking at this stranger
who is he anymore?
Is the person I love even left inside?
Time continues to go by
sometimes fast sometimes slow
with the ups and downs not really changing
I sit and think, everything seems like deja vu
Didnt this happen before, a year ago or 2
and also 3 and 4.
I know he loves us, the kids and I
as much as he is able
but does it matter when he doesnt even care enough to save himself?
There comes a time when you know
you must save yourself
you have to care more about yourself than to continue this way
Just a writing I wanted to share
with each dip, drop and whip you find it more exciting each time.
Some times it feels its going faster,
maybe you switch from the front to the back to enhance the thrill
After riding over and over, do you begin to feel your stomach drop
or does some of the curves lose their appeal?
I was once like many of you
I felt that he was different
he had so much potential
and he wanted so much more
Many told me to run
all I thought was, No way
He would go into rehab, he would be so sorry
surely this was it
Another lost job
another jail stay
at the bottom now
time to climb up
Days melted into months
months turned to years
just like each sip turned into bottles
and each hit into days
You see my husband is an alcoholic
and an addict
he's stuck in his cycle of disease
with no way out
Over and over again
I truly believed he'd beat this
I still believed wed have
a fairy tale ending
As time went on I learned to detach
I learned more and more about who I was
what I deserved
At the beginning the knowledge turned to anger
and anger to rage
but what did that change
it just made me as sick as he
I began to see
that after each hard time
the good was less and less
the sweetness shorter and shorter
the drugs had truly stolen his soul
I laid in bed this morning
looking at this stranger
who is he anymore?
Is the person I love even left inside?
Time continues to go by
sometimes fast sometimes slow
with the ups and downs not really changing
I sit and think, everything seems like deja vu
Didnt this happen before, a year ago or 2
and also 3 and 4.
I know he loves us, the kids and I
as much as he is able
but does it matter when he doesnt even care enough to save himself?
There comes a time when you know
you must save yourself
you have to care more about yourself than to continue this way
Just a writing I wanted to share
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Cindi - this is beautiful -
This is pretty close to how I feel also.
thank you so very much for sharing your feelings!!!
You have an awesome way with words - such beauty in a painful subject.
(((Cindi)))
HUGS,
Rita
This is pretty close to how I feel also.
thank you so very much for sharing your feelings!!!
You have an awesome way with words - such beauty in a painful subject.
(((Cindi)))
HUGS,
Rita
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Very moving and very true! Hope you are doing well. I don't get on here much anymore, but I still always look for old friends when I do. I was glad to see you tonight!
Love ya sis!
Love ya sis!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Thank you Cindi! Great writing!
Each chance I have given to my AH makes it a little clearer to me how
much more I (and the kids) deserve. He's just not able to give the effort to be a
participating spouse or father. I can tell I'm taking baby steps on my way to being
done.
Each chance I have given to my AH makes it a little clearer to me how
much more I (and the kids) deserve. He's just not able to give the effort to be a
participating spouse or father. I can tell I'm taking baby steps on my way to being
done.
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