Two Years Later...ESH for those struggling

Old 11-16-2008, 06:27 AM
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A work in progress....
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Smile Two Years Later...ESH for those struggling

Hi everyone,
I don't post much anymore. I still come around and read and check up on old friends, though! I found SR two years ago this month, and it was the beginning of a long, but wonderful, journey out of hell...

My life is incredibly busy now, and incredibly full of very good things. I finally broke free from a 25 year marriage to an abusive, addicted man to whom I had handed over the control of my every waking thought.

Like so many of you, I had lost hope. I thought I couldn't make it on my own. I had come to a sick enjoyment of playing the martyr, the poor wife with the horrible life that was all her addict husband's fault. If only he would do X,Y,and Z, then I could be happy.

The truth was-I didn't want to do the work myself. I didn't want to take responsibility for my own behavior and for the codependent thinking that was totally responsible for the mess my life was in. I didn't want to give up my 'comfort zone'. What irony in those words...

I could come up with all manner of excuses NOT to step up to the plate. I was too old, I couldn't support us, I didn't want to give up my home, I didn't want to have to work so I could 'be there' for my kids. There is incredible irony in those words as well, because the only person I was 'there for' was me. I often accused my exh of being selfish, but I was just as selfish as he was. He was addicted to drugs, I was addicted to suffering.

I was miserable, and I am sure I was miserable to be around. Over the course of several months in 2006, something began to change. I 'hit bottom' in June of that year, and here is a link to something I wrote then:

To make a long story short, I will be graduating in just three weeks with a degree in Child and Youth Development and will be entering Graduate School in January in Special Ed.

My life is full and rich. I have friends and family. I have a new home-not the mansion on the hill that I gave up, but it's warm and dry and it is MINE.

Most importantly to me, I have a rich relationship with God, to whom I give all the glory for my recovery. It was not until I finally gave Him the reins to my incredibly messed up life that it started to get better. And it gets better every day.

So to everyone that still is holding on to the attitude of "I can't...", I am here to tell you that you CAN. I am living proof of that.

But it's your move. No one will do it for you. No one is going to ride in and save the day. If you don't make changes, they won't happen. Stop waiting for someone to 'make' you happy. Life doesn't work that way.

Let go, and let God. Sounds like a cliche, but it is the absolute Truth. He has led me out of a pit that I truly thought I would die in.

This year, I am more thankful than I guess I have ever been. Life is good. It's not easy, but it's good.

Happy Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-16-2008, 08:45 AM
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Just plainly tired
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So great to see you too on here!! Wow what an achievement in school and how your living your life, you are an inspiration to many!!!

Please keep coming back and updating us!

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Old 11-16-2008, 09:03 AM
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Thank you for sharing and that was beautiful to read.
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Old 11-16-2008, 09:05 AM
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Thank you so much for sharing.

This was a beautiful way to start my day

Congratulations on the up-coming graduation.

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Old 11-16-2008, 10:50 AM
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(((Duet))) thanks so much for your inspiring update! Glad to hear how good things are going! Congratulations on the upcoming graduation and future graduate school!
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Old 11-16-2008, 11:19 AM
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Thank you so much for sharing. It is wonderful to "hear" stories like yours.
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Old 11-16-2008, 12:56 PM
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I just love how your life is unfolding, because I remember when you were taking giant leaps but were so scared.

Let go, and let God. Sounds like a cliche, but it is the absolute Truth. He has led me out of a pit that I truly thought I would die in.
God's been in more than one pit around here and I'm glad He rescued me from mine too. All I had to do was ask Him...who knew?

I am so darn proud of you and all you have accomplished, you are such an inspiration of hope and an example of how hard work pays off. One of these days I will get to the ranch and hug you in person, but until then please know that you are a dear friend here at SR and we are so very glad to hear from you.

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Old 11-16-2008, 01:42 PM
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I am so happy to see a post from you today!

You are an amazing woman, and I'm so proud of you!

Hugs and prayers!

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Old 11-16-2008, 05:14 PM
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Thank you so much for your powerful, wise and inspiring post!
So glad to hear from you.

And, personally, thank you for the gentle boot to the butt!
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Old 11-16-2008, 07:34 PM
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I have loved watching you rise up and are a true inspiration in all ways. Thanks for sharing your message. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-16-2008, 07:37 PM
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Hi Jen, great to hear your voice and congratulations on your degree. I'm right behind you (well, a year or so...)

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Old 11-17-2008, 12:03 AM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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Often we resist change...thanks for sharing how TERRIFIC it can be.
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Old 11-20-2008, 10:32 AM
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Your post is so inspiring! Heck...YOU are so inspiring! Congratulations on your new degree and your plans for graduate school !! You've come a long way, baby !! And I am so proud to call you my 'friend' here at SR. Your light is shining brightly...thank you for sharing it with us.
Much love...
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