TWD660

Hello, Myname is Tim ,IM 40 yrs. old and as i said lost. I just got out of the hospital 2 days ago, i was there five days becauase i checked myself in for feeling suicidal after drinking as usual,since i dont have insurance they let me go. Well all they did was dry me out ,iwant to drink so bad! I have no job my wife of 14 yrs. has left and has filed for divorce , i drove her to leave , I no that now, These last seven days are the longest ive been sober in 5 years, THAT IS NOT A JOKE! The guilt of what i feel is choking me. Just like to no how anyone else here dealt with all the pain, I have no close friends or family, im staying with my 80 tr. old mother now, she needs me because of her age, but she is no support. Thanks anyone who reads this.

CarolD

My drinking made me depressed too...which is why
I began AA recovery. Have you considered
checking out local meetings in your area?

Blessings to you and your Mom
Welcome to our recovery community Tim...Hug

David69

While I did not use the meeting method (AA or any other), I did USE THIS forum a lot! You sound like you could really benefit from meetings however.....some face to face discussions and "emotional dump" would probably do you some good with the healing process. SR is fantastic and I could not have done it without them (21 days now sober) but get as much help from as many places as possible. I too am having issues with my wife due to my drinking and I am working on that. Main thing to remember is you cannot fix anything else until you fix yourself. Work on you right now and the rest will fall into place. Welcome to SR and best wishes!!!

TWD660

Thank you both for your replies, and David your right ,I do need to vent ! But dont no who to trust. Idont want to feel like a fool. Like i said i have no quote "friends" . Most people i no drink and do drugs, I hate drugs , wont even take an asprin . Im seperating myself from them , Iguess thats were the alone comes in , but really ive been alone for a long time even with my wife, just didnt see it until now.

Latte

I remember those feelings. They only started to go away when I started going to AA meetings. I tried expensive stuff (medication and counseling) but AA is what got me clean and really what kept me that way. It only cost me a $1 a day too. I couldn't afford not to go and $1 a day was/is a small price to pay for my sanity.

Welcome to SR. Keep coming back.

David69

Well this is the place to vent. No judgement here dude. We are all or have been in the same boat at one time or another. You have taken the right step in getting yourself back. I am a SOLO type person....and did hesitate to come here and write anything but I am sure as hell glad I did! Without these other souls I would have been lost. (btw...I hate drugs as well and cannot even swallow an aspiring without a gallon of water)....I grew up in a drug filled house so I cannot stand them. Wish I would have grown up in a booze filled home cause I would most likely hate drinking as well! You just keep to the course.......work on you....remember what brought you here and try as hard as you can to focus on each day as it comes. Feel free to vent here all you want....you would be surprised at the replies and advice you get here. These people have been through the trenches and know what the battle is like! Keep coming back!

TWD660

Thanks Latte, and David once again, I thought i wanted to be SOLO as you would say, until my wife left 4 months ago, I tried to hide it in the bottle, but we see where that got me, contiplating suicide, but when i really hit the bottom is when she said that she had filed the papers, and said she was seeing someone new ,Thats when all **** went south, thats when suicide seemed the only way, but see i have 12 yr. old son , hes very popular in school and has many friends, I would hate for him to have that stigma of , hes the one whos dad killed himself!

David69

I have a 8 (son), 10 (daughter) and 15 (step daughter) yr old at home.....trust me, there is no peace in no being around! While I have bounced that thought around in my head once or twice over the years....the mess you leave is not you......it is THEM! It causes horrible and long lasting issues....I know from personal experience. Kids need their dads dude.....no if's, and's or but's. Buck up dude...you are stronger than that and have SO much to to focus on right now. Spend more time with your son...do those things you never got around to with him. Keep your mind occupied with other projects. I know it sucks when relationships dissolve or go different directions but relationships consist of many lives....many needs......kids included! Things always suck, stink and are **** covered when you crawl out of the sewer but can easily be cleaned and shined up. Start thinking about the positive things that can be had from this current dilema and work on those....no matter how few you may see at the moment.

TWD660

Thanks dude, The kind words do help ,Listen im not one to mone , whine or bitch, always thought of myself as a hardass , not so much anymore, but you are right , dirty penny can be shined up, and talking to people like you will really help, Dude , i really thank you for your time and effort in your post, and thanks for not being judgemental of me!

David69

One of the MAIN guys I have talked to here who has related to me is "Searching For Freedom". He has been experiencing a lot of what you and I are going through....and is another good ear to bend in need. Check out his thread and ping him as well. Dude, life can suck sometimes but we have to adapt and overcome......if and when we can. Just use this place as a sounding board whenever you need it..........SR really does help!

David69

I get you man....I AM a hardass so I get that. Former Army....my Ranger buddies would be calling me "sally" right now for complaining. (no offense ladies...really). But when a fellow member falls you don't point fingers and laugh....you pick them up...brush them off....get them moving again.....then laugh later when the trouble is over! .....that how it should work.

TWD660

A David how do i find Searching for freedom? Looked but all i found in members was searching.

David69

Hmmm....I hope this link works..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...freedom-3.html

He is a good guy and going through the relationship issues as well. Not that I am giving away any info he has not disclosed on his own thread....just figured his thoughts and issues may help you as well.

Eleison

Hi Tim.
I understand loneliness.

Perhaps you could start practicing trust through participating in this online community/group. That would be a first step.

TWD660

Hello, thats what i want to do. I need to be apart of something positive, and Im praying thats what ill find here.

TWD660

From the number of your post , you also are new here, hope we can help one another.

TWD660

David is FREEDOM123 , to whom uou are referring?

David69

Sorry...if you click the link it will take you to Freedom125.....just use the link from my previous post....it is the right one.

bumble2008123

Ah, Tim. I think that you are on a good path right now. Might not be a bad thing to have the time to concentrate just on YOU for a change. You need this time to be able to focus and build a base for the rest of your life. You can and will do this. Honest!

Pam08

Welcome to SR. I am also new in recovery with major relationship problems. It makes it very tough, but I know in my mind and heart NOW that I have to get better. I will not let anything bring me down again to drink. Last night was a horrible night, But I stayed sober, and in the end that is all that counts now...the rest of my life will have to fall into place as I get stronger. Stay strong, keep coming back here, great people here, and AA is wonderful if you are open to that.